My Brother/Our Beloved Billy
June 2,
1955 - Dec. 8, 2009
Eulogy 12/11/09
First, my deepest thanks and respect to
Judy for the honor of speaking for us all, to try to express what we have in our hearts and
minds today, together and individually,
near and far- an endless treasure of
experiences with Bill.
–
I want to express
gratitude to his caregivers at Dana Farber Cancer Center and the ICU staff at
South Shore Hospital over these past surreal weeks and days, and as Judy asked,
donations may be made to help others with cancer through the American Cancer
Society. In keeping with his wishes Billy’s retinas have been donated to help
others see, and hopefully the recipient (s) will share his happy vision of
life. A very special thanks to his
comrades from the Norfolk County Sheriff’s Department for their wonderful
outpouring of generosity, support and respect.
–
–
There are
doubtless many important events that occurred and people who were born on June
2,1955 but most important to us will always be that on that day the gift of
William Joseph Cotter was presented to our world as the fourth son of the
Cotter family. It was the Saints’ Day of Alexander, Eugene, Felix, and Elmo –
so thankfully Pat and Jaye chose to name him, William, in memory of our
father’s father. The name William means “determined protector” and he would
become just that to Judy and his beloved daughters, Jessica and Alisa. There
are many famous Willams – from William the Conqueror to Shakespeare, but
dearest to us is our beloved Bill.
–
Nelson DeMille
was probably his favorite contemporary author.
His works feature intrigue filled action plots and very pointed social
satire. Bill and Rick and I would share
his books and reviews after reading them. DeMille said, “We’re all pilgrims on
the same journey, but some pilgrims have better road maps.” Bill set out on his
road with great parents guiding the way, and a loving network of family, so
many here today.
–
Family photos
speak volumes, capture eras in our lives and I selected just a few as have
Judy, Jess, Alisa, Mom and the rest of us.
I hope you have the opportunity to see them because what you will see in
so many varied vignettes is the happiness and love Bill shared in and provided
throughout his life.
–
As a teenager, on
a snowy winter night, he had a misadventure with a snowplow ( he may have been
“skid-hopping” a ride home from Houghs Neck.) Billy got tangled up behind it
and it backed him into a telephone pole and crushed his pelvis. That could have
been the end of his story right then and there, but so fortunately he recovered
and we have had him for another 35 years…
–
As a teenager
Billy had the usual “extra curricular” experiments and exploits and would
concoct strange but true tales he insisted ,to explain why he smelled like beer
and came home at dawn – because someone spilled beer on him as he fought his
adversary for hours and then retreated to spend the night in a tree; but he
survived those various episodes too.
–
He is remembered
by cousins early on for two life-long traits- humor the first. Cousin Johnny
wrote,” Billy was always full of fun when we were kids” and second, a tender
kindness. Cousin Shawn Wynn shares,–“I
remember when he lifted me gently over
the fence between our houses when I was 4 years old and he was 13 on the day my
mother, Alice died.”
–
–
Along with Kevin
and Rick, Billy was a gifted athlete . He played basketball and football and at
a Don Bosco High School Thanksgiving football game he intercepted not just one but 2 passes ,and ran them
both back for touchdowns. Dad and Mom went wild with us and everyone
else in the stands.
–
Billy followed a
Cotter tradition and married a wonderful neighborhood kid, Judy Kenney who
became such a wonderful wife and mother.
She and her girls were so strong in this tragedy and so remarkable in
making the toughest decisions. They are truly amazing women.
–
{Judy even went
to the polls on Tuesday and voted for Massachusetts’ most likely long overdue
first woman senator.}
–
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Almost 30 years
ago I wrote Billy and Judy a song and sang it at their wedding:
–
“Here in the
spring there’s a glad song to sing; Celebrate this new life.
–
The mornings are
bright with a strong hopeful light; Let that light shine on you.
–
When sweet Judy
blue eyes and William are wed, on an evening in April,
–
stars rise
overhead, and just like those stars may your dreams rise above ,and may you
always live in love.”
–
Judy, thank you
from Mom, Kevin, Rick, Mary and myself for loving our Billy,for bringing him
such love and happiness, such beautiful daughters ,such a lovely home through
every challenge and reward.
–
Like every couple
we know you agreed on everything all the time – but like the song says “we can
work it out” and you did. Afterall, “All You Need is Love” -and patience, a
sense of humor, commitment, and negotiation skills
–
–
The obituary
notes that Bill enjoyed travelling, and luckily in recent years he travelled a
lot with Judy to San Diego and Seattle to visit his West Coast girls; and he
and Judy ventured with some of the Kenney clan to Egypt this past March.
–
He loved
listening to and making music and he played the guitar quite well. Our Cousin
Jimmy Wynn wrote,” Billy taught me my first chords on the guitar and how to
play rock and roll. I will miss his easy going ways, sense of humor and his
almost perpetual smile.”
–
The photo in the
obituary is classic Billy, for if you see the full picture it is taken from, it
is Billy smiling amongst those he loved and treasured most.
–
There are special
characteristics not listed in the obituary, for example, Billy was “hair
personified “ – early on D’Artagnan, then Omar Shariff, Tom Selleck, Magnum PI
all rolled into one.
–
He was a connoisseur of Miller beer, and a fan
of “The Rockford Files” and “The Simpsons”; talk to Judy about his personal
favorites and particularities in every category.
–
Professionally,
as a Corrections Officer Bill brought respect and fairness to his every
encounter with those at odds with the law. His keen mind and kind heart led him
to pursue the science and art of nursing and as a nurse he gave expert care and
compassion to those suffering with mental illness. Another quote from DeMille-“ If everyone
howled at every injustice, every act of barbarism, every act of unkindness,
then we would be taking the first steps towards a real humanity”. Bill took
those steps, encouraged and inspired others as his colleagues testified so
sincerely and respectfully.
–
–
Our wonderful
sister Mary recounts how so many people have told her that Billy was just an
absolutely “Great Guy”. When you
investigate origins you find “guy” means the quintessential “Everyman” and a “Guide” for others. As for greatness, this quote is on the mark –
“Do not confuse notoriety and fame with greatness, for you see that greatness
is a measure of one’s spirit, not a result of one’s rank in human
affairs.” What a spirit Billy had.
–
–
My wife Cyndy and
I had just returned early from our travels Saturday and I will always be so
grateful to have been with Bill along with Judy and Alisa on what became his
last day. As we each comforted him with touch and tenderness, he was not
afraid; he was grateful and looking forward to another morning.
–
Bill was blessed
that next morning as he left this life to have his Mom at his side and Judy
with whom he had brought wonderful Jess and Alisa to us. To be with him at the
moment of his death was a heartbreaking, but heartfilling and sacred
experience. As our brother Kevin led us so tenderly with hands joined circling
Bill in reciting ‘Our Father, who art in
heaven “, I thought of our Dad Pat who surely is in heaven, 9and his last
words: “This life is too short; We should not argue or fight; A Family is a
miracle; We are so lucky; It is best to be together.”
–
We left the
hospital in the morning sun so very sad and yet so very grateful together.
–
When such a
shockingly unexpected death as Bill’s occur it is a challenge to our reason and
faith and our family’s reply has been renewed faith in an everlasting goodness
and love.
–
On Tuesday,
December 8th at South Shore Hospital Billy did not pass away; he
passed forever into our hearts and memories. And we did not lose him, for his
spirit is forever within us.
–
Judy’s new Grand
Nephew, William McCarthy was born the next day at the same hospital and named
for Bill. He is a sweet reminder of hope and life ahead. May he always be as
loved and loving as his namesake.
–
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Throughout our
lives it is our relationships and bonds with one another that give us meaning,
purpose and richness of life and Bill was in that regard the richest of men.
–
As a husband, father, son, brother, uncle, nephew, cousin, comrade, caregiver
and friend he offered only love and devotion, ever humble and thankful, not
expecting accolades, but for all these ways that he gifted us, let us now
stand… salute him, give thanks for him and to him, and applaud our always
strong and sweet William, our ever beloved Billy.
