Our 50th Anniversary 12/28/19 -Mike

Mike 50^th

       Perspectives- Stories and Comments from Mike  

Part 1

 Cyndy and I  had known each other from Church, I was even  an altar boy for her Grand parents’ / Marion and Joe’s 50^th wedding anniversary mass-  

We had some mutual neighborhood friends

There would be informal group meet ups , and hang outs (not hook-ups) all  very innocent “folk song sing a long “  home  parties –really no drinking ,”hanky Panky” etc. (That came later…)

 Our first date was 7/12/66 Boston Pops Esplanade concert  along with my Mom and Dad Jaye and Pat, Mary, maybe Bernie  …and that was the beginning…

I’d row down in my little boat from Peterson Road and pick Cyndy up at the Shoreside beach- we’d row around the Bay, talk, laugh and smooch – One time Lois was waiting for Cyndy to come in to take care of Robbie so she could go to her waitress job. We had been clowning around in the boat and it capsized – Cyndy had street clothes on and got soaked, we righted the boat and baled it out and   had to row around until her hair and clothes dried, so we were late coming in. Mrs. Roche /Lois greeted us with “You 2 always go overboard!”  and she was right. And in some ways we have always tended to go overboard.

Mr. Roche/Bob would say with a little worry  during our first summer – “You 2 are together morning, noon and night“ -and we were , and have mostly always been and still are.

*The Lunar Landing and Woodstock were in the summer of ’69. We did not get to either one  …but much more important for us was our wedding 12/28/69.

   3 days after Christmas-what a Christmas surprise for our parents –  The “have a blast at the repast” reception invite we had thought was funny, but Cyndy’s  parents asked “What would Aunt Bertha think? “Actually we thought she’d be OK with it as she and Slicky along with Marion and Joe had roared around on their  motorcycles with sidecars in the early 1920’s.  We changed that part then  and included it this time.

You may remember our wedding was at the student chapel at Boston College with about 200 family and friends looking on …many maybe with the words of the Chuck Berry song in their minds – “It Was a Teenage Wedding “ ….

It was a teenage wedding, and the old folks wished them well
You could see that Pierre did truly love the mademoiselle
And now the young monsieur and madame have rung the chapel bell
"C'est la vie", say the old folks, it goes to show you never can tell

Fr. Gene Boyle- who not too long before took us on CYO ski trips, officiated -  He was 15 minutes late…Cyndy in her wedding gown from Bev had to go to bathroom in boy’s dorm …. turns out Fr. Boyle had run out of gas on the way and had to run up Chesnut Hill to get to the chapel…during his homily he started to laugh, he had quite the giggle (maybe he was high) and we were afraid he would not stop …  Nancy  , and I played guitar, Cyndy and I sang ….10 bridesmaids and 10 ushers = our wedding photo looked like a small high school  prom picture .

Night of our honeymoon at the Copley Plaza about 10 of our pals joined us for pizza in the Bridal Suite . My folks offered to send us to Disney World – but we declined and instead, borrowing a car from generous and sympathetic Aunt Niddy and Uncle Jimmy  and we drove to Hyannis and spent 3 days at the Harvest House Motel – ventured to Johnny Yee’s Oriental Restaurant and Night Club (we had a coupon)  …then the next 4 days we celebrated  with many of our friends at Bev Roper’s Dad’s summer  house in Plymouth…

And from there it’s been an amazing 50 years of us, Joe, achievements, adventures, family and friends – And now we are the “old folks”

 C’est la vie…. what a wonderful life!

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        Part 2                                              A tribute to Cyndy -

I wrote this about 25 years ago and it’s proved so true-

My nomination for recognition as Nurse Practitioner of this year (and every year ) is Cynthia Roche-Cotter, RN, FNP.  Cynthia’s commitment to professional growth and excellence in patient care is truly extra-ordinary and exemplary.  As a young wife and mother, and while working part-time as a “store nurse” at a landmark Boston department store Filene’s Basement, she completed her Associate Degree/RN training.  Upon graduation she chose to practice on extremely challenging neurology units at Boston City Hospital and Beth Israel Hospital.  During a year of cross-country travel with her husband and son she worked at San Francisco General’s Trauma Unit and also agency private duty.  Upon returning home to Quincy,MA, Cynthia became the first RN and a “Founding Mother” of Manet Community Health Center, largely responsible for the establishment and growth of its model family-community health practice.  Over the next thirteen years she served as the first director of nursing, became the Center’s first Nurse Practitioner (graduating from Northeastern University with Brenda ) and earned her BSN from the University of New York Regent’s Program  .-also with Brenda   All the while she has been a constant advocate-provider for the health needs and rights of women, children, seniors, minorities, the disadvantaged and people with HIV/AIDS.  She has reached into the community, local government and schools as HIV/AIDS resource person and sexuality educator.  For her beloved and loving co-workers she has been the un-offcial, always sought after “resident health expert and counselor.”

Cyndy can best be characterized as a “human being extraordinaire ”  with an amazing genius and gift for living.  A sense of balance between service to others and self-fulfillment in personal relationships with family and friends, and myriad creative interests. 

Now Cyndy has been a nurse for 44 years, 38 of them as NP. Those years are filled with literally thousands of encounters in which she has profoundly helped individuals and families to heal their particular hurts- always with respect, dignity,  ”common-sensitivity”, humility, humor and love –from struggling immigrant families to traumatized “adult children”, to the 97 year old whom she matched with an African student so the exceptional elder could continue to live in her own home.

 Cyndy inspired me to enter nursing  28 years ago and to imitate her example.  She will always be my respected and beloved partner and “Sheroe”.

And she still laughs at my antics and jokes…

Leo Kelly

Leo J. Kelly, of Houghs Neck, passed away on Sunday, December 15, 2019 at age 87. A lifelong Houghs Neck resident, he was Korean War Veteran U.S. Navy. He started his lifelong community service in Leo's barber shop in Houghs Neck. Before retiring in 2014, city councilor Leo Kelly served nine terms (1973-1983 and 2003-2009) on the Quincy city council. Among his accomplishments, he was proud of helping start the Manet Community Health Center in Houghs Neck, which has since expanded to five sites. Passionate about preserving open space, Leo was instrumental in stopping the topping and filling in of Quincy Bay and ending plans to build the Nut Island sewage treatment plant there and working to preserve open spaces at the Granite Rail, Little Granite Quarry and General Palmer Park, plus acres of other marshland, including Broad Meadows and Brill Field. For 10 years he was the project manager for the Quincy Housing Authority and continued to serve on the Commission Board, helping residents with their problems. He helped with the oversight of the new Quincy High School and the Community Centers in Houghs Neck and Germantown. He was also a Board Member of Quincy Community Action and District Chair of the Blue Granite Rail Council, Quincy Boy Scouts. The Houghs Neck Garden Club honored him with the Leo J. Kelly Park. In the end, Leo was a passionate shopper at Home Goods. The beloved husband of Margaret Milne-Kelly, Leo was the loving step-father of Lynne McKeever and her husband Brian of Quincy and Jill M. Gichuhi of Quincy; dear brother of John Kelly, Bernadette Kelly, both of Quincy, and the late Robert , Edward and Joseph Kelly; and is also survived by many nieces and nephews. Family and friends are invited to visiting hours which will be held on Thursday, December 19, from 4 to 8 p.m. at the Dennis Sweeney Funeral Home, 74 Elm St., Quincy Center. On Friday there will be a gathering at the funeral home at 9 a.m. followed by a Funeral Mass at 10 a.m. at Holy Trinity Parish, Most Blessed Sacrament Church, 1015 Sea St., Quincy. Burial with Military Honors is at Mount Wollaston Cemetery. Donations in Leo's memory may be made to the Germantown Neighborhood Center, 366 Palmer St., Quincy, MA 02169 or the Quincy Garden Club, Attn: Patty Williams, 1193 Sea St., Quincy MA 02169. Please visit dennissweeneyfuneralhome.com

Published in The Patriot Ledger on Dec. 18, 2019

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Sent to The Sun, Houghs Neck Bulletin , Sweeney, and Facebook ,Joe

Leo Kelly will always be remembered by us, and everyone privileged to know him, as that rare and remarkable individual who served his neighborhood and city with amazing dedication and effectiveness in so many ways. He was a true public servant. He literally turned the term “open space” into an action verb. He led the way to “open space” so many threatened, special areas in Ward 1 and throughout the city. Every time we and our family walk around “The Crusher” in Houghs Neck we are so grateful to Leo for preserving this special area. When we swim in and boat on Quincy Bay and enjoy the islands we remember it was Leo who led the Harbor clean up, and helped change Nut Island from a health hazard to a wonderful recreational park. Innumerable folks of all ages benefited from his commitment to healthcare, bringing compassionate comprehensive primary care to Houghs Neck and Germantown via Manet Community Health Center. He was likewise committed to assuring quality housing through his work with the Quincy Housing Authority. His good works have made a lasting improvement in the quality of life all over Quincy.

 What an amazing legacy of caring and commitment that will endure!

Leo, you have our respect and gratitude always.

Mike Cotter, Writer of “The Nut Island Blues” 1976

Cyndy Roche-Cotter, First Nurse and Nurse Practitioner Manet Community Health Center ,Houghs Neck 1979- 2008  

Lois -Mike's Salute

Friday 3/13/2020  - Celebration of Lois at Bay Pointe-   Mike’s Salute

There’s a one-line, old cliché of a joke that Henny Youngman may have passed on to Rodney Dangerfield that goes-

“Take my mother-in-law- Will you please?!”

Well I was so absolutely fortunate to have the one and only, Lois/ “Queenie” Roche for my 2^nd mother.

Another saying is so true of Lois- when she was born “they broke that perfect mold”.

The Roches and Cotters originally knew each other from Mass on Sundays at Blessed Sacrament Church in Houghs Neck -  kids and parents all dressed up, devout and happy in a much  simpler time.  I first met Lois soon after Cyndy and I started our life long romance at age 16 - July 12 1966. She and Bob had been at Jack and Rose’s 25^th anniversary celebration in California, so on this day later in July, Cyndy and I were perhaps going out for a row  I first met Lois.

She was in a bathing suit and kerchief ,painting the side of the house and of course she looked cute and lovely as she always  did in any of her Doris Day make up and outfits throughout her life…

Over the next 53 years I learned so much about and from Lois… and what a gift it was to have her be our guest of honor in November at our 50^th anniversary celebration- Lois really did “have a blast at our repast!”

She was totally accepting and tolerant of everyone – saw good people struggling with bad problems and with empathy when that person acted poorly she would comment supportively, “Oh, he’s just all mixed up”.

                                                             

So many folks have noted that Lois was the ultimate “People Person”. She genuinely connected with and cared for everyone she encountered, sometimes in astounding detail. We would laugh and be baffled  at her  incredible memory for relationships and  events when she would  say something like, “Oh, that’s John’s ex-wife’s 2^nd cousin in law’s brother, who did such and such at a  New Year’s Eve party in 1958”…How could she remember this? She just did, and could have worked for Ancestry.com.

Upon her passing so many people have come forward and shared a story of her kindness and thoughtfulness that was a powerful help in a trying time.

She always loved nature- for so many years gardening, bird watching, fishing, swimming, boating. So it is so appropriate to make donations in her name to Mass Audubon Society.  Lately she  especially enjoyed taking rides in the Blue Hills. She reveled in the trees, the clouds and the sky. She recounted how she and her girlfriends used to walk from Mattapan to Houghtons’s Pond, and how it became a favorite spot for her and Bob.

When asked what was her occupation = we had to reply, “the ultimate mother and homemaker”, truly one who makes a home, the center of nourishment and encouragement.  She made that remarkable home with Bob (and Marion and Joe) in what we called “the enchanted bungalow in the magical compound.” 

What a devoted, joyful and creative cook, like her heroine   Julia Child. Lois made every meal a feast fit for the salute ,“Bon Appetite”.

Lois had a remarkable and often funny way with words.

Early on, maybe misunderstanding my strength of character, she told Cyndy  I was  ”a stubborn monkey”. Much later during a grace before a meal she prayed for me facing serious surgery, “We hope Mike will  do well with his “travesty.” She meant “travail”, but the intent and the humor really helped.

Once she commented to a total stranger in an elevator about coping with life, “I’m a finagler; I finagle the bagel; I learned from my husband who was the best.”

Recently to a physical therapist at Hancock Park   who  for orientation asked her if she knew where she was  she replied instantly, “In my boudoir of course.”

This January while reminiscing about neighbors  ,Cyndy asked Lois ,”Mom, what ever  happened to Dr Cobb the dentist who used to live next door?  Lois thought for a moment and not quite sure  replied,   “Oh, he must have been absorbed into space!” And after her most recent fall she commented “I broke my schnozola.” She was never at a loss for words and humor was always a healing medicine for her.

And music was so important in Lois and Bob’s life - from those epic sing –a-long parties with family and friends  around the piano at #10 , to everyday life.

Their theme could be “Side by Side” 

When we listen to the words, it’s really their life…from the Depression, though  WWII, and all the days  ahead…

“Oh we ain’t got a barrel of money,

Maybe we’re ragged and funny.

But we’ll travel along

Singing a song

Side by side.

We don’t know what’s coming tomorrow,

Maybe it’s trouble and sorrow,

But we’ll travel the road

Sharing our load.

 Side by side.

Through all kinds of weather

What if the sky should fall?

Just as long as we’re together,

It really doesn’t matter at all.

When they’ve all had their quarrels and parted,

We’ll be the same as we started.

Just traveling along,

Singing a song-

Side by side.”

After a special wintry evening we spent together at our Kilby St home in 1975 , Lois and Bob, then married 30 years, celebrated with a ring of diamonds and rubies. This inspired me to write as I watched from our window, as they walked home arm in arm…

Diamonds and Rubies  

                                                                

 Come quick to the window-

What a beautiful sight1

Two lovers walking arm and arm

Home on a winter’s night.

Chorus

Diamonds and rubies,

A woman and a man,

The gifts of thirty seasons-

Worn on lover’s hands…

It’s a long road they’ve traveled,

It’s a different road we’re on.

All headed for our heaven

By the lights that we’ve known.

Chorus  

Laughter and sorrow ,

Each woman and each man,

The gifts of all the seasons,

Worn on lovers hands.

And now It is so poignant to pass by the site of the family homestead on Shoreside Road, physically gone, but the memories and love are for always…

The song goes on-  

Oh when that house is just a memory

and that street has long been gone,

there will be stars shining forever

above the place they made their home.

They’ll still sparkle in the darkness,

those splendid special lights!

There will be stars shining forever

above the place they   made their home-

There will be stars shining forever-

There will be stars...there will be stars!

As Lois wished there was no wake. Firmly she said, “I don’t want people looking at me in a box when I’m dead!”

Instead she wanted to be the first person in the family to go to Harvard Medical School – and so had her body donated there for research. Perhaps these aspiring doctors will discover from studying Lois a few of her secrets-

When a 80,70 or even 60 year old can’t –

How can a 93 year old woman bend over to the floor and tie her shoes?

 Or pick up miniscule items off the floor?

 Or leap from bed almost instantly from a sound sleep, and slide into a car to go for a joy ride?

 Or have super vision to see tiny things up close or a mile away?

 Or be interested in and curious about almost everything and everybody?

Or be so loving ,grateful happy and alive?

Perhaps those doctors will discover and share, at the cellular level, at the core of humanity, there’s a magical key to the extraordinary loving life force that propelled her, nourished us and  will always inspire us.

And they will call it Lois.