Lois -Mike's Salute

Friday 3/13/2020  - Celebration of Lois at Bay Pointe-   Mike’s Salute

There’s a one-line, old cliché of a joke that Henny Youngman may have passed on to Rodney Dangerfield that goes-

“Take my mother-in-law- Will you please?!”

Well I was so absolutely fortunate to have the one and only, Lois/ “Queenie” Roche for my 2^nd mother.

Another saying is so true of Lois- when she was born “they broke that perfect mold”.

The Roches and Cotters originally knew each other from Mass on Sundays at Blessed Sacrament Church in Houghs Neck -  kids and parents all dressed up, devout and happy in a much  simpler time.  I first met Lois soon after Cyndy and I started our life long romance at age 16 - July 12 1966. She and Bob had been at Jack and Rose’s 25^th anniversary celebration in California, so on this day later in July, Cyndy and I were perhaps going out for a row  I first met Lois.

She was in a bathing suit and kerchief ,painting the side of the house and of course she looked cute and lovely as she always  did in any of her Doris Day make up and outfits throughout her life…

Over the next 53 years I learned so much about and from Lois… and what a gift it was to have her be our guest of honor in November at our 50^th anniversary celebration- Lois really did “have a blast at our repast!”

She was totally accepting and tolerant of everyone – saw good people struggling with bad problems and with empathy when that person acted poorly she would comment supportively, “Oh, he’s just all mixed up”.

                                                             

So many folks have noted that Lois was the ultimate “People Person”. She genuinely connected with and cared for everyone she encountered, sometimes in astounding detail. We would laugh and be baffled  at her  incredible memory for relationships and  events when she would  say something like, “Oh, that’s John’s ex-wife’s 2^nd cousin in law’s brother, who did such and such at a  New Year’s Eve party in 1958”…How could she remember this? She just did, and could have worked for Ancestry.com.

Upon her passing so many people have come forward and shared a story of her kindness and thoughtfulness that was a powerful help in a trying time.

She always loved nature- for so many years gardening, bird watching, fishing, swimming, boating. So it is so appropriate to make donations in her name to Mass Audubon Society.  Lately she  especially enjoyed taking rides in the Blue Hills. She reveled in the trees, the clouds and the sky. She recounted how she and her girlfriends used to walk from Mattapan to Houghtons’s Pond, and how it became a favorite spot for her and Bob.

When asked what was her occupation = we had to reply, “the ultimate mother and homemaker”, truly one who makes a home, the center of nourishment and encouragement.  She made that remarkable home with Bob (and Marion and Joe) in what we called “the enchanted bungalow in the magical compound.” 

What a devoted, joyful and creative cook, like her heroine   Julia Child. Lois made every meal a feast fit for the salute ,“Bon Appetite”.

Lois had a remarkable and often funny way with words.

Early on, maybe misunderstanding my strength of character, she told Cyndy  I was  ”a stubborn monkey”. Much later during a grace before a meal she prayed for me facing serious surgery, “We hope Mike will  do well with his “travesty.” She meant “travail”, but the intent and the humor really helped.

Once she commented to a total stranger in an elevator about coping with life, “I’m a finagler; I finagle the bagel; I learned from my husband who was the best.”

Recently to a physical therapist at Hancock Park   who  for orientation asked her if she knew where she was  she replied instantly, “In my boudoir of course.”

This January while reminiscing about neighbors  ,Cyndy asked Lois ,”Mom, what ever  happened to Dr Cobb the dentist who used to live next door?  Lois thought for a moment and not quite sure  replied,   “Oh, he must have been absorbed into space!” And after her most recent fall she commented “I broke my schnozola.” She was never at a loss for words and humor was always a healing medicine for her.

And music was so important in Lois and Bob’s life - from those epic sing –a-long parties with family and friends  around the piano at #10 , to everyday life.

Their theme could be “Side by Side” 

When we listen to the words, it’s really their life…from the Depression, though  WWII, and all the days  ahead…

“Oh we ain’t got a barrel of money,

Maybe we’re ragged and funny.

But we’ll travel along

Singing a song

Side by side.

We don’t know what’s coming tomorrow,

Maybe it’s trouble and sorrow,

But we’ll travel the road

Sharing our load.

 Side by side.

Through all kinds of weather

What if the sky should fall?

Just as long as we’re together,

It really doesn’t matter at all.

When they’ve all had their quarrels and parted,

We’ll be the same as we started.

Just traveling along,

Singing a song-

Side by side.”

After a special wintry evening we spent together at our Kilby St home in 1975 , Lois and Bob, then married 30 years, celebrated with a ring of diamonds and rubies. This inspired me to write as I watched from our window, as they walked home arm in arm…

Diamonds and Rubies  

                                                                

 Come quick to the window-

What a beautiful sight1

Two lovers walking arm and arm

Home on a winter’s night.

Chorus

Diamonds and rubies,

A woman and a man,

The gifts of thirty seasons-

Worn on lover’s hands…

It’s a long road they’ve traveled,

It’s a different road we’re on.

All headed for our heaven

By the lights that we’ve known.

Chorus  

Laughter and sorrow ,

Each woman and each man,

The gifts of all the seasons,

Worn on lovers hands.

And now It is so poignant to pass by the site of the family homestead on Shoreside Road, physically gone, but the memories and love are for always…

The song goes on-  

Oh when that house is just a memory

and that street has long been gone,

there will be stars shining forever

above the place they made their home.

They’ll still sparkle in the darkness,

those splendid special lights!

There will be stars shining forever

above the place they   made their home-

There will be stars shining forever-

There will be stars...there will be stars!

As Lois wished there was no wake. Firmly she said, “I don’t want people looking at me in a box when I’m dead!”

Instead she wanted to be the first person in the family to go to Harvard Medical School – and so had her body donated there for research. Perhaps these aspiring doctors will discover from studying Lois a few of her secrets-

When a 80,70 or even 60 year old can’t –

How can a 93 year old woman bend over to the floor and tie her shoes?

 Or pick up miniscule items off the floor?

 Or leap from bed almost instantly from a sound sleep, and slide into a car to go for a joy ride?

 Or have super vision to see tiny things up close or a mile away?

 Or be interested in and curious about almost everything and everybody?

Or be so loving ,grateful happy and alive?

Perhaps those doctors will discover and share, at the cellular level, at the core of humanity, there’s a magical key to the extraordinary loving life force that propelled her, nourished us and  will always inspire us.

And they will call it Lois.