Our Beloved Billy

My Brother/Our Beloved Billy
June 2, 1955 - Dec. 8, 2009
Eulogy 12/11/09
First, my deepest thanks and respect to Judy for the honor of speaking for us all, to try to express what we have in our hearts and minds today, together and individually, near and far- an endless treasure of experiences with Bill.
– I want to express gratitude to his caregivers at Dana Farber Cancer Center and the ICU staff at South Shore Hospital over these past surreal weeks and days, and as Judy asked, donations may be made to help others with cancer through the American Cancer Society. In keeping with his wishes Billy’s retinas have been donated to help others see, and hopefully the recipient (s) will share his happy vision of life. A very special thanks to his comrades from the Norfolk County Sheriff’s Department for their wonderful outpouring of generosity, support and respect.
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– There are doubtless many important events that occurred and people who were born on June 2,1955 but most important to us will always be that on that day the gift of William Joseph Cotter was presented to our world as the fourth son of the Cotter family. It was the Saints’ Day of Alexander, Eugene, Felix, and Elmo – so thankfully Pat and Jaye chose to name him, William, in memory of our father’s father. The name William means “determined protector” and he would become just that to Judy and his beloved daughters, Jessica and Alisa. There are many famous Willams – from William the Conqueror to Shakespeare, but dearest to us is our beloved Bill.
– Nelson DeMille was probably his favorite contemporary author. His works feature intrigue filled action plots and very pointed social satire. Bill and Rick and I would share his books and reviews after reading them. DeMille said, “We’re all pilgrims on the same journey, but some pilgrims have better road maps.” Bill set out on his road with great parents guiding the way, and a loving network of family, so many here today.
– Family photos speak volumes, capture eras in our lives and I selected just a few as have Judy, Jess, Alisa, Mom and the rest of us. I hope you have the opportunity to see them because what you will see in so many varied vignettes is the happiness and love Bill shared in and provided throughout his life.
– As a teenager, on a snowy winter night, he had a misadventure with a snowplow ( he may have been “skid-hopping” a ride home from Houghs Neck.) Billy got tangled up behind it and it backed him into a telephone pole and crushed his pelvis. That could have been the end of his story right then and there, but so fortunately he recovered and we have had him for another 35 years…
– As a teenager Billy had the usual “extra curricular” experiments and exploits and would concoct strange but true tales he insisted ,to explain why he smelled like beer and came home at dawn – because someone spilled beer on him as he fought his adversary for hours and then retreated to spend the night in a tree; but he survived those various episodes too.
– He is remembered by cousins early on for two life-long traits- humor the first. Cousin Johnny wrote,” Billy was always full of fun when we were kids” and second, a tender kindness. Cousin Shawn Wynn shares,–“I remember when he lifted me gently over the fence between our houses when I was 4 years old and he was 13 on the day my mother, Alice died.”
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– Along with Kevin and Rick, Billy was a gifted athlete . He played basketball and football and at a Don Bosco High School Thanksgiving football game he intercepted not just one but 2 passes ,and ran them both back for touchdowns. Dad and Mom went wild with us and everyone else in the stands.
– Billy followed a Cotter tradition and married a wonderful neighborhood kid, Judy Kenney who became such a wonderful wife and mother. She and her girls were so strong in this tragedy and so remarkable in making the toughest decisions. They are truly amazing women.
– {Judy even went to the polls on Tuesday and voted for Massachusetts’ most likely long overdue first woman senator.}
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– Almost 30 years ago I wrote Billy and Judy a song and sang it at their wedding:
– “Here in the spring there’s a glad song to sing; Celebrate this new life.
– The mornings are bright with a strong hopeful light; Let that light shine on you.
– When sweet Judy blue eyes and William are wed, on an evening in April,
– stars rise overhead, and just like those stars may your dreams rise above ,and may you always live in love.”
– Judy, thank you from Mom, Kevin, Rick, Mary and myself for loving our Billy,for bringing him such love and happiness, such beautiful daughters ,such a lovely home through every challenge and reward.
– Like every couple we know you agreed on everything all the time – but like the song says “we can work it out” and you did. Afterall, “All You Need is Love” -and patience, a sense of humor, commitment, and negotiation skills
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– The obituary notes that Bill enjoyed travelling, and luckily in recent years he travelled a lot with Judy to San Diego and Seattle to visit his West Coast girls; and he and Judy ventured with some of the Kenney clan to Egypt this past March.
– He loved listening to and making music and he played the guitar quite well. Our Cousin Jimmy Wynn wrote,” Billy taught me my first chords on the guitar and how to play rock and roll. I will miss his easy going ways, sense of humor and his almost perpetual smile.”
– The photo in the obituary is classic Billy, for if you see the full picture it is taken from, it is Billy smiling amongst those he loved and treasured most.
– There are special characteristics not listed in the obituary, for example, Billy was “hair personified “ – early on D’Artagnan, then Omar Shariff, Tom Selleck, Magnum PI all rolled into one.
– He was a connoisseur of Miller beer, and a fan of “The Rockford Files” and “The Simpsons”; talk to Judy about his personal favorites and particularities in every category.
– Professionally, as a Corrections Officer Bill brought respect and fairness to his every encounter with those at odds with the law. His keen mind and kind heart led him to pursue the science and art of nursing and as a nurse he gave expert care and compassion to those suffering with mental illness. Another quote from DeMille-“ If everyone howled at every injustice, every act of barbarism, every act of unkindness, then we would be taking the first steps towards a real humanity”. Bill took those steps, encouraged and inspired others as his colleagues testified so sincerely and respectfully.
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– Our wonderful sister Mary recounts how so many people have told her that Billy was just an absolutely “Great Guy”. When you investigate origins you find “guy” means the quintessential “Everyman” and a “Guide” for others. As for greatness, this quote is on the mark – “Do not confuse notoriety and fame with greatness, for you see that greatness is a measure of one’s spirit, not a result of one’s rank in human affairs.” What a spirit Billy had.
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– My wife Cyndy and I had just returned early from our travels Saturday and I will always be so grateful to have been with Bill along with Judy and Alisa on what became his last day. As we each comforted him with touch and tenderness, he was not afraid; he was grateful and looking forward to another morning.
– Bill was blessed that next morning as he left this life to have his Mom at his side and Judy with whom he had brought wonderful Jess and Alisa to us. To be with him at the moment of his death was a heartbreaking, but heartfilling and sacred experience. As our brother Kevin led us so tenderly with hands joined circling Bill in reciting ‘Our Father, who art in heaven “, I thought of our Dad Pat who surely is in heaven, 9and his last words: “This life is too short; We should not argue or fight; A Family is a miracle; We are so lucky; It is best to be together.”
– We left the hospital in the morning sun so very sad and yet so very grateful together.
– When such a shockingly unexpected death as Bill’s occur it is a challenge to our reason and faith and our family’s reply has been renewed faith in an everlasting goodness and love.
– On Tuesday, December 8th at South Shore Hospital Billy did not pass away; he passed forever into our hearts and memories. And we did not lose him, for his spirit is forever within us.
– Judy’s new Grand Nephew, William McCarthy was born the next day at the same hospital and named for Bill. He is a sweet reminder of hope and life ahead. May he always be as loved and loving as his namesake.
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– Throughout our lives it is our relationships and bonds with one another that give us meaning, purpose and richness of life and Bill was in that regard the richest of men.
– As a husband, father, son, brother, uncle, nephew, cousin, comrade, caregiver and friend he offered only love and devotion, ever humble and thankful, not expecting accolades, but for all these ways that he gifted us, let us now stand… salute him, give thanks for him and to him, and applaud our always strong and sweet William, our ever beloved Billy.