With Respect,Thanks and Love for Mom/Jaye 4/23/25- 6/3/18

With Respect, Thanks and Love for Mom/Jaye  

                           June 7,2018                                              

First and foremost - Gratitude –

 Most heart-felt thanks to the kind staff and residents at Allerton House Assisted Living in Quincy, Mom’s home for most of the past 2 years, her very kind, patient and generous personal care providers from The Irish Connection - Maria A. Maria G. Maria D. Julia, Bridget, Mel, Ailbhe ,Mary O. and Sarah.
Her Clinicians at Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates, especially her expert and caring primary physician Dr. Svetlana Shkuratov ,  longtime trusted and compassionate Counselor Ellie Mapps, extraordinarily kind and skilled Occupational Therapist Donna Van Helene at Spaulding Rehab Braintree  … most recently the very helpful staff at Beth Israel – Milton Hospital , and finally all those at Seasons Hospice in Milton. Thanks to brother Kevin who helped her stay at our family homestead for as long as possible on Peterson Road ,and at Allerton House where he often cooked for her, played cribbage and watched  programs on The History Channel and sports with her ; he brought Mom fresh flowers every week -  and finally kept overnight vigils at Seasons Hospice , lovingly holding Mom’s hand so she could pass peacefully as she did ; Brother Bernie who always gave great respect to her intelligence and accomplishments, and in his special way kept her engaged , entertained and laughing… Always and ever, deepest gratitude to Mary the ultimate gift to and from Mom, after 4 boys. Mary was truly in every way the most devoted and loving daughter a mother could wish for. Hail sister Mary, truly full of grace, so humble and good , who blessed Mom’s life from beginning to end …Thanks to Tom, Judy, Claire and Cyndy her children by marriage for their tremendous support, patience and help always. And Thanks to Kate and Joe for compiling their wonderful family video remembrance.

People sincerely and somewhat at a loss as to what to say at these times offer a “Sorry for your loss”. Understood should be, but I’m “happy for your gain” ,to have had a share in such a life.

Our late poet friend Jim Hietter wrote that each of us is in our unique way a “bright salute to life” and a “lens for the living” ,showing others the way along life’s journey. This was Mom’s unique journey.

It is estimated that since about 50,000 BC there have been about 108 billion people who have ever lived on Earth ,but only one was our Mom, Agnes Josephine Prendergast born to Canadian emigrants Alfred and Mary on April 23, 1925 –the same day in April as William Shakespeare- and many of his quotes are applicable to Mom. First – “What’s in a name?” the Bard asked, and Mom, not enamored of hers, answered in 1975 ,”Call me A. Jaye or not at all!” Even Dad did after 25 plus years of marriage.

When Cyndy and I moved to Grandma and Grandpa’s home at 13 Kilby St.in 1971 up in the garage rafters in a box we found that beautiful, and poignant  portrait of Mom, probably about 9 months old. Most striking is her expression of wonder and amazement. To adapt a poetic line, If the “Child is father to the man”, then “The child is also mother to the woman.” The child in that portrait grew to be such a very sensitive, smart , strong and striving human being.

One of Mom’s signature quotes about her childhood will always be to me "Smiling was frowned upon in my family".  Times were tough and people had to be too, maybe it was the original tough love. She grew up in the South End, attended Cathedral Elementary where she developed her perfect Palmer Method penmanship and graduated from Cathedral High School . She worked in a law office and as friends and fate would have it ,she met Dad .They married April 19,1949 Patriot’s Day – we can never forget the laugh they had when Quincy’s own Uncle Sam saluted them along with us at their 50^th Anniversary celebration in 1999.

Back to Shakespeare – “The course of true love never runs smooth ,but it runs true.” This was so true of Mom and Dad -at times a contrarian couple, partners who would “agree to disagree”, not exactly on the same page, but always that same book - the story of the Greatest Generation ,surviving the Great Depression, WWII, then marriage and kids and working so hard to give us the best life possible. An anecdote from Island Pond NH shows what I mean about their special agreeing /disagreeing style. Getting ready to go shopping in Keene : Jaye says to Pat –“Are you coming? Pat answers to Jay, “No I’m going!” It’s the same difference…the same in love, different in approach.

Home was Peterson Road- really just a summer cottage when we moved there from Great Hill in 1956 , humble but their home and ours, a great bayside neighborhood with great neighbors. For years Mom lived with extensive renovations and Peterson was a dirt road, dusty or muddy for a long time and she'd call it an Appalachian like "Tobacco Road".  Half serious and half joking Mom stated she was not to be regarded as an "Irish wash woman" - processing the enormous amount of laundry for a family of 7 - (hanging out clothes on line in winter ,bringing them in to thaw out in the kitchen...and for parochial school it was always uniform jumpers for Mary and white shirts, ties and dress pants for the boys.. And the kitchen - what a job to feed us, a really hungry brood!...breakfast going off to St Ann's mostly “Hawaiian Punch” for beverage and I recall 3 years of puffed wheat, 3 years of French toast, 3 years of scrambled eggs. Our lunches were huge with 2 big  sandwiches,cookies or cupcakes and chips – How did she do it all?  

She produced "mass quantities" of tasty and nourishing food for us. Mom had and fostered our “sweet tooths” with apple squares, chocolate pudding  brownies and always ice cream.

More than any other kids we grew up with, we had epic vacations- probably so much more work for Mom than staying home, but for the sake of adventure and exploration she did it - tenting or sleeping in back seat of the car with Mary in Canada ...a luxury trip to NYC and DC staying in motels -  of course cooking at least breakfast in the room even though it was not allowed...camping back and forth across the country for 3 weeks (all they could afford) in the summer of 1964 ....

Like all families our family story through the years is “such stuff as dreams are made of”, tragedies and triumphs, sorrows and joys. 

Further on , Shakespeare observed :

“How far that little candle throws its beams. So shines each good deed in a needy world.”

Beyond our family Mom made very positive contributions to that needy world.

With youngest Mary in middle school Mom attended Quincy Junior College  and graduated from Boston State Teachers College, earned multiple Masters degrees and mostly completed courses for a Ph.D.

Mom was a special needs teacher for very needy and challenging kids in Boston Public Schools for over 20 years. We can imagine how many she encouraged and helped. 

Even after retirement she wanted to keep on helping and she volunteered with the “Swim with a Special Child” program for kids with disabilities and as a reading tutor for Reading Roundup at Adams Shore Library until her late 80’s.

Caring for children in every way was the hallmark of her life.

Mom cherished each of her 7 grand- children : Joe, Pat, Jessica, Alisa, Kate, Lisa and Shawn, whom she insisted call her not the traditional “grandma” but the exceptional  “Jaye”. She rejoiced in her 6 great grand –children Will, Elizabeth, John, Mary Kate, Joseph and Torin. They called her Great Jaye or Jaye-Jaye.

Grandson Shawn remembers Jaye as “extremely supportive and genuinely caring about what was going on in my life whether it involved school, work, relationships, or how to generally navigate life’s issues. She was willing to listen to whatever I had to say. In particular I remember calling from college on many occasions to check in when I felt like things were not going as I planned or if I was stressed about an upcoming test or presentation ;she would always listen, and was up late enough to do so! I keep reminding myself that we are incredibly lucky that she has been in our lives for so long.”    

Grand- daughters Jess and Alisa join us from the Seattle. Jessica knew Jaye cherished that pink sweater as her favorite, because as Jaye said “It came from you.”

Granddaughter Lisa shares – “While other kids talked about grandparents they saw only at the holidays, I knew mine were really an extension of my parents and were often in our house multiple times a week even though they lived ALL the way on the other side of Quincy.

Among Lisa’s list of things always associated with Jaye =

-Angel food cake with chocolate frosting

-Sunday morning news television shows- Never call then or during Sixty Minutes or Jeopardy

-Laughing so hard we couldn't tell if she was choking because no sound was coming out!

Lisa continues that despite her limited mobility, Jaye still enjoyed shaking maracas with the kids and using play-doh as part of her occupational therapy.  The kids didn't really notice her limitations, but they seemed to recognize that she was the oldest person they knew.  Elizabeth once asked me, "Who is older- Great Jaye or the dinosaurs?". –

And as Mom has passed on we are awaiting the birth of Lisa and Brenden’s baby, Elizabeth’s sibling in Germany – the marvelous circle of life continuing. Likely whether girl or boy the name won’t be Agnes. 

From Kate-

“I have often thought of how lucky I am to have been raised by two sets of amazing parents…my Mom and Dad, and Bumpa and Jaye.  From soccer games, to piano & dance recitals, to school & Church events, to birthdays, to visits at college, or even just ordinary days, you name it…they were there.

We spent summers “up the country,” celebrating holidays at Peterson Rd., putting on “shows” with the Cotter cousins.

After Bumpa passed away 16 years ago in 2002, Jaye carried on, spending her days with her kids, grandkids, and eventually her great grandkids. The house wasn’t quiet for long. I moved in with Jaye at Peterson the following year, and we began our five-year stint as roommates

While Jaye was in her 80s, she became our family’s favorite travel companion. In 2006 she generously treated us all to a trip to Aruba. We all took her everywhere we went- to Nashville and Seattle, Hawaii and San Diego, to the Grand Canyon and California. Five years ago Jaye went with my parents to Italy when her first great granddaughter, Elizabeth was born. Just over three years ago, Jaye celebrated her 90th birthday on a trip to Marco Island, FL with us. Additionally, there were countless trips closer to home, especially weekends at Sunday River in Maine,

Half of us live under a mile from your home on Peterson Road. You and Bumpa introduced us to a beautiful spot on the water here in Quincy that we love, too.

When you look back at years of smiles and memories, you know that the real Jaye was a strong, vibrant woman for nearly all of her 93 years!” 

With our Cousins we share childhood and lifelong bonds- The Ingrahams, Flynns, Wynns, Maguires and Cotters…

 Cousin Jimmy Wynn shares – “Aunt Jaye was so important in helping me, brother Shaun and Dad after my Mom Alice died in 1970 . Jim  remembers the special everyday experiences -  fun and funny meals together at #16,cook-outs across the fence and trips for ice cream at Welcome Farm and the tender touches that Mom shared that meant so much to him. Jim spoke about his idea of “The Universal Law of the Conservation of Love”, that there is a place, an "alternative universe" where Pat and Jaye, ; the 4 sisters- Ann, Jaye, Kay and Alice happily hang out and keep watching all our family grow. Their beings and lives definitely continue through all of us.

From Cousin Shaun Wynn- “My Mom and Jaye are at rest with no worries or cares because we honor them by loving one another and living the best lives we can.”

We use the word love so much – what does it mean? It’s a special combination of kindness, care, empathy, acceptance, respect, and encouragement in our thoughts, words , deeds and relationships It is the tender and tough ,everlasting bond that joins us all.

Mom was so strong in coping with the tragedies in her life- especially the early deaths of her beloved sisters Kaye and Alice and son Billy.  As an example to us all she was wise and open enough to seek healing for her hurts in personal counseling, bereavement groups and the powerful support of Al Anon for decades.

Finally, Shakespeare said : “Give me my robe, put on my crown. I have Immortal longings in me.” Despite her frailty during these last several years Mom bravely strove on, but a week ago she concluded that her life had come full circle. She believed firmly in Eternal Life  and was at peace with her passing. In addition to her beloved family she was surrounded by her books of inspiration – “The Promise of a New Day”- the quote from June 2 “Today stands before me and I will go peacefully.” And on June 3 – “Everything and everyone in the world has something to say to us ;I will listen closely to what I need to learn.” “The Four Things that Matter Most – a Book About Living” urges us all to say to one another and follow these four most important declarations- “Please forgive me.” “I forgive you.” “Thank you.” and “I Love you.”

Remember all those 108 billion humans who have ever lived on our planet. Now there are 108 billion and one people who made a home on earth, and we are ever grateful for the home our Mother made for us in her heart and for the loving homes she has helped us make. You always live on in us, our children , and their children. Mom, we will always respect, thank and  love you.