Dear Cheryl,
Though many of these thoughts we shared with you and Bob at the services and luncheon we really felt it so important to put them in writing for you and for us.
Your Mom and Dad were just so wonderfully generous opening their home and hearts to Cyndy in her first and second years at BC, and to me as well before and after we were married 12/28/1969. Special treats were the delicious dinners Pat would prepare and share and any number of times Bob went out of his way to drive me over to UPS in Watertown for my evening shift.
We spoke to many of your family members who were also members of the “Third Floor Club”, beneficiaries of your folks’ remarkable generosity and graciousness. What an extraordinary couple and example!
We felt so honored to be part of the tribute to your Mom, and especially to share the experience with Lois. It is amazing to think that they met when Lois was 16,working at Edison when your Dad was first courting your Mom, and their friendship flourished for the rest of their lives. The similarities between Bob D and Bob R were remarkable – both such loving, funny and kind men and Dads. Whenever we drive by 982 Beacon we experience such wonderful memories and such profound gratitude.
We will always remember your Mom, our dear friend Pat, as the personification of grace, dignity, intellect and kindness. Your total dedication to her over these past challenging years was the ultimate return of the love she shared with you.
We have made a donation in Pat’s memory to Hospice.
Perhaps we can connect when we are traveling in Florida in our RV Jan/Feb, happy refugees from the cold. We will be in touch.
Peace and Love,
Mike and Cyndy
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
Sis and Bud Crowley
Memories of Sis Crowley- notes to Rick, Tracey and Linda
Dear Linda- We feel that we are so fortunate to be part of the circle of your family and friends and to have shared in the wonderful and loving lives of Bud, Swannee and Sis-each such unique and beautiful people!
Rick and Tracy really captured your Mom’s essence in their tributes at the memorial service (as parents we can only congratulate and thank you for having these two fantastic human beings for children!!) The example of love and friendship they spoke of in Sis’s home and life is so inspiring-what a legacy for them and for us all...especially moving were her words to Tracey on the night before she married-”Just be good to 0ne another.” That was the power and beauty if her life, simply being good to one and all. WE will always treasure those times we shared with Sis -on the phone, at our home and especially at the magical 35 Woodbine. It was truly a well deserved blessing that there, where so much life and love had been shared, she lived her last days surrounded by her loving family. We have made a donation in Sis’s name to Old Colony Hospice.
Linda, we know that the very painful losses you have endured over these recent years are soothed and healed by the happy memories, courageous example, and endless spirit of love which is the heart and soul of your family. Wishing you healing and peace...
Dear Tracey- You really made such a beautiful and moving tribute to your Grandmother. A s you said she and Bud made 35 Woodbine such a magical place with their endless kindness and love. Now they are together again and each of us has the precious legacy of their examples and memories. Their home really was a haven and an oasis “while the rest of the world rolled by”...a place with such spirit and inspiration shared by them. Sis said it all in the words you recalled before your wedding- “Just be good to one another.” That really is all we have to aspire to and all this world really needs... We are so fortunate to have known her and have made a donation in her memory to Old Colony Hospice. Most of all we will always treasure the memory of her inspiring and loving life.
We know that the the happy memories,and love shared will bring you, your Mom, and Rick healing and peace....Your loving friends
Dear Rick- Where to begin? I have written to your Mom and Tracey (she really shared such a lovely tribute - I was so moved by those simple yet utterly profound words of advice Sis imparted to Tracey on the night before her wedding-”Just be good to one another .” As I said to Tracey. that is really all we have to aspire to and all this world really needs...we can figure out the details if we start with that ideal.) The memorial service was so fitting. Starting with the words and music of “Twilight Time”-the perfect “chord” and core; in my mind those lyrics just evoked so well the lives and reunion of Bud and Sis...that truly magical home at 35 Woodbine, where devotion, nurturing, harmony, laughter and love prevailed “while the rest of the world rolled by”... Your eulogy captured so well, in so many examples, your Grandmother’s extraordinary character and life. As you said so well s he really was and will always remain to everyone who knew her, a heroic inspiration. Cyndy and I will always treasure the times we shared with her. We have made a donation in her memory to Old Colony Hospice : what a blessing that she could return to her beloved and unique home and be surrounded by her family as she left this life for the next. Cyndy and I both had remarkable Grandmothers who lived into their 80’s and 90’s; we were fortunate to live close to them and to spend much precious time with them as they aged- to have their magnificent lives and spirits as examples. Of course when they died we were profoundly sad to be separated from them physically, but as time has gone by they have remained so vitally with us in spirit.
We are literally/genetically who we are because of our Grandparents and Parents- our lives born and lived in every way from the essence of their lives-their essence or spirit alive in us with every breath and heartbeat. Fundamentally that’s the human miracle; and the mystery is what form that life we share takes when this form ends...We’ve had so much a share of “heaven” in the lives of our Grand/parents that it’s hard to imagine that such love does not continue and “rise” beyond “Twilight Time”.
You have had such a series of heartrending losses these past several years Rick. You have truly been a heroic and strong support and example to everyone- sustained by the love shared and the faith you live. You are in my/our thoughts...”just across the bridge”...we’ll talk and see you soon (or anytime!)
Your loving and grateful friends -
Dear Linda- We feel that we are so fortunate to be part of the circle of your family and friends and to have shared in the wonderful and loving lives of Bud, Swannee and Sis-each such unique and beautiful people!
Rick and Tracy really captured your Mom’s essence in their tributes at the memorial service (as parents we can only congratulate and thank you for having these two fantastic human beings for children!!) The example of love and friendship they spoke of in Sis’s home and life is so inspiring-what a legacy for them and for us all...especially moving were her words to Tracey on the night before she married-”Just be good to 0ne another.” That was the power and beauty if her life, simply being good to one and all. WE will always treasure those times we shared with Sis -on the phone, at our home and especially at the magical 35 Woodbine. It was truly a well deserved blessing that there, where so much life and love had been shared, she lived her last days surrounded by her loving family. We have made a donation in Sis’s name to Old Colony Hospice.
Linda, we know that the very painful losses you have endured over these recent years are soothed and healed by the happy memories, courageous example, and endless spirit of love which is the heart and soul of your family. Wishing you healing and peace...
Dear Tracey- You really made such a beautiful and moving tribute to your Grandmother. A s you said she and Bud made 35 Woodbine such a magical place with their endless kindness and love. Now they are together again and each of us has the precious legacy of their examples and memories. Their home really was a haven and an oasis “while the rest of the world rolled by”...a place with such spirit and inspiration shared by them. Sis said it all in the words you recalled before your wedding- “Just be good to one another.” That really is all we have to aspire to and all this world really needs... We are so fortunate to have known her and have made a donation in her memory to Old Colony Hospice. Most of all we will always treasure the memory of her inspiring and loving life.
We know that the the happy memories,and love shared will bring you, your Mom, and Rick healing and peace....Your loving friends
Dear Rick- Where to begin? I have written to your Mom and Tracey (she really shared such a lovely tribute - I was so moved by those simple yet utterly profound words of advice Sis imparted to Tracey on the night before her wedding-”Just be good to one another .” As I said to Tracey. that is really all we have to aspire to and all this world really needs...we can figure out the details if we start with that ideal.) The memorial service was so fitting. Starting with the words and music of “Twilight Time”-the perfect “chord” and core; in my mind those lyrics just evoked so well the lives and reunion of Bud and Sis...that truly magical home at 35 Woodbine, where devotion, nurturing, harmony, laughter and love prevailed “while the rest of the world rolled by”... Your eulogy captured so well, in so many examples, your Grandmother’s extraordinary character and life. As you said so well s he really was and will always remain to everyone who knew her, a heroic inspiration. Cyndy and I will always treasure the times we shared with her. We have made a donation in her memory to Old Colony Hospice : what a blessing that she could return to her beloved and unique home and be surrounded by her family as she left this life for the next. Cyndy and I both had remarkable Grandmothers who lived into their 80’s and 90’s; we were fortunate to live close to them and to spend much precious time with them as they aged- to have their magnificent lives and spirits as examples. Of course when they died we were profoundly sad to be separated from them physically, but as time has gone by they have remained so vitally with us in spirit.
We are literally/genetically who we are because of our Grandparents and Parents- our lives born and lived in every way from the essence of their lives-their essence or spirit alive in us with every breath and heartbeat. Fundamentally that’s the human miracle; and the mystery is what form that life we share takes when this form ends...We’ve had so much a share of “heaven” in the lives of our Grand/parents that it’s hard to imagine that such love does not continue and “rise” beyond “Twilight Time”.
You have had such a series of heartrending losses these past several years Rick. You have truly been a heroic and strong support and example to everyone- sustained by the love shared and the faith you live. You are in my/our thoughts...”just across the bridge”...we’ll talk and see you soon (or anytime!)
Your loving and grateful friends -
Andrew Awww!
Dear Zoe-
I just read your lovely thank you note and want to share with you in writing some reflections I’ve had over these past weeks as a kind of keepsake and tribute. Being with your Mom and Cyndy to break the shocking and heart rending news of your Dad’s death to you was so emotionally painful yet at the same time such a profoundly moving spiritual experience...as you said you felt Andrew’s spirit so close right then within you and within the room. His unique spirit (life force/soul) is ever and always within you as his child. I believe that with death we lose the personal “presence", but in our life we always have the person‘s “presents”= the precious gifts of love, joy and life shared - and you will always have them in such abundance from Andrew. His spirit was very many presents as we almost immediately began to recall our times with him - usually with a happy sigh or heartfelt laugh. I laughed as you said how you loved to just hang out with him and “be messy”. It’s true isn’t it that life is and always will be imperfect, somewhat impractical, disorganized - messy - and a person’s happiness in life is the measure of laughter and creativity and inspiration he generates in response. There is a quote from Kerouac’s On The Road that I’ve always loved and associated with some of my most beloved, wildest, most wonderful friends and I hold Andrew among them ... “the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn, or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everyone goes ‘Awwww!” As his many friends said in tribute Drew had that special inner spark that enlivened everyone he came in contact with ...he was his own unique version of writer, poet, teacher, comic, actor, director, really a “person extraordinaire”- compelled to create and communicate, so that mention him to anyone who shared in his life and they’ll take a deep breath and sigh ...”Andrew...Awww !”
And we were as you said so lucky to have shared in his life so closely as family and friends. Two inseparable words come to mind when I think of him- “fun loving”. He had such a talent for combining both. Every encounter I remember with Drew was infused with fun and affection. And of course he has a place in “Great Quotations” for his rejoinder to overhearing naughty conversations, voiced in mock-shock: “Well, I guess I’ll just pull up my pants and go home!” What a way with words! Acting roles...everything from the reality based “Mr.Bad Nutrition” to the “visionary” Sancho Panza...And he had a matchless wardrobe...nobody could wear engineer boots and “long shorts” with a leather jacket like Andrew! I’m sending along some archival photos. The first was at Auntie’s in Brockton on Christmas circa 1968 illustrating his appetite for life and all things digestible- he literally relished existence! The other two are from 1970 at our first apartment in Dorchester. Characteristically, he had suggested we get everyone together for a musical “hoe-down” complete with “Hee-Haw” costumes. There he is on harmonica, looking a bit Van Morrisonesque . The other one is to me pure Andrew- in the midst of singing away he took two rose petals, put them between his lips and played to the camera! Happy memories...what a blessing to have shared lives.
I have always been so impressed at how you, your Mom, Sal, Andrew and JR created such a loving child/parent/extended family relationship- and I know that is what always supports and sustains you. How wonderful that you and Ethan are expanding that circle of life and love that Andrew began and will always be a part of. Cyndy and I are always part of it too... Love Uncle Mike
I just read your lovely thank you note and want to share with you in writing some reflections I’ve had over these past weeks as a kind of keepsake and tribute. Being with your Mom and Cyndy to break the shocking and heart rending news of your Dad’s death to you was so emotionally painful yet at the same time such a profoundly moving spiritual experience...as you said you felt Andrew’s spirit so close right then within you and within the room. His unique spirit (life force/soul) is ever and always within you as his child. I believe that with death we lose the personal “presence", but in our life we always have the person‘s “presents”= the precious gifts of love, joy and life shared - and you will always have them in such abundance from Andrew. His spirit was very many presents as we almost immediately began to recall our times with him - usually with a happy sigh or heartfelt laugh. I laughed as you said how you loved to just hang out with him and “be messy”. It’s true isn’t it that life is and always will be imperfect, somewhat impractical, disorganized - messy - and a person’s happiness in life is the measure of laughter and creativity and inspiration he generates in response. There is a quote from Kerouac’s On The Road that I’ve always loved and associated with some of my most beloved, wildest, most wonderful friends and I hold Andrew among them ... “the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn, or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everyone goes ‘Awwww!” As his many friends said in tribute Drew had that special inner spark that enlivened everyone he came in contact with ...he was his own unique version of writer, poet, teacher, comic, actor, director, really a “person extraordinaire”- compelled to create and communicate, so that mention him to anyone who shared in his life and they’ll take a deep breath and sigh ...”Andrew...Awww !”
And we were as you said so lucky to have shared in his life so closely as family and friends. Two inseparable words come to mind when I think of him- “fun loving”. He had such a talent for combining both. Every encounter I remember with Drew was infused with fun and affection. And of course he has a place in “Great Quotations” for his rejoinder to overhearing naughty conversations, voiced in mock-shock: “Well, I guess I’ll just pull up my pants and go home!” What a way with words! Acting roles...everything from the reality based “Mr.Bad Nutrition” to the “visionary” Sancho Panza...And he had a matchless wardrobe...nobody could wear engineer boots and “long shorts” with a leather jacket like Andrew! I’m sending along some archival photos. The first was at Auntie’s in Brockton on Christmas circa 1968 illustrating his appetite for life and all things digestible- he literally relished existence! The other two are from 1970 at our first apartment in Dorchester. Characteristically, he had suggested we get everyone together for a musical “hoe-down” complete with “Hee-Haw” costumes. There he is on harmonica, looking a bit Van Morrisonesque . The other one is to me pure Andrew- in the midst of singing away he took two rose petals, put them between his lips and played to the camera! Happy memories...what a blessing to have shared lives.
I have always been so impressed at how you, your Mom, Sal, Andrew and JR created such a loving child/parent/extended family relationship- and I know that is what always supports and sustains you. How wonderful that you and Ethan are expanding that circle of life and love that Andrew began and will always be a part of. Cyndy and I are always part of it too... Love Uncle Mike
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Happily Here and Now -Cyndy My Inspiration
Nurse Practitioner of the Year Award Nomination
June 30,1992
Todd Galles- Product Manager
Syntex Laboratories
3401 Hillview Avenue
Palo Alto ,CA 94304
My nomination for recognition as Nurse Practitioner of this year (and every year ) is Cynthia Roche-Cotter, RN, FNP. Cynthia’s commitment to professional growth and excellence in patient care is truly extra-ordinary and exemplary. As a young wife and mother, and while working part-time as a “store nurse” at a landmark Boston department store, she completed her Associate Degree/RN training. Upon graduation she chose to practice on extremely challenging neurology units at Boston City Hospital and Beth Israel Hospital. During a year of cross-country travel with her husband and son she worked at San Francisco General’s Trauma Unit and also agency private duty. Upon returning home to Quincy ,MA, Cynthia became the first RN and a “Founding Mother”of Manet Community Health Center, largely responsible for the establishment and growth of its model family-community health practice. Over the next thirteen years she served as the first director of nursing, became the Center’s first Nurse Practitioner (graduating from Northeastrern University) and earned her BSN from the University of New York Regent’s Program. All the while she has been a constant advocate-provider for the health needs and rights of women, children, seniors, minorities, the disadvantaged and people with HIV/AIDS. She has reached into the community, local government and schools as HIV/AIDS resource person and sexuality educator. For her beloved and loving co-workers she has been the unoffcial, always sought after “resident health expert and counselor.”
Cyndy can best be characterized as a “human being extra-ordinaire ” with an amazing genius and gift for living. A sense of balance between service to others and self-fulfillment in personal relationships with family and friends, and myriad creative interests led her in the past year to begin a 24 hour weekend position in Pediatric Urgent Care at Harvard Community Health Plan. Quickly she has become a highly respected and valued provider for patients with “special needs” of all kinds. During a weekly evening session at the Manet Center she continues caring for a select group of longterm and referred patients and maintains her close ties to health center friends.
Cynthia’s 17 years of nursing, 10 of them as NP, are filled with literally thousands of encounters in which she has profoundly helped indviduals and families to heal their particular hurts- always with respect, dignity,”commonsensitivity”,humility, humor and love –from struggling immigrant families to traumatized “adult children”, to the 97 year old whom she matched with an African student so the exceptional elder could continue to live in her own home.
Cynthia, this exquisite person and practitioner, inspired me to write song lyrics about a re-awakened young accident victim she cared for –“ when all seems lost , when all else fails, with a touch of your hand ,with one kind word,you reach inside and help me laugh again, love again, live again.”
After a 15 year career as a public educator Cyndy was my inspiration to enter nursing and she will always be my repected and beloved partner and heroine.
This then is Cynthia Roche-Cotter, Family Nurse Practitioner, the pesonification of the humanitarian ideals and caring which are the essence of the art and science of the nurse practitioner.
Sincerely and gratefully submitted,
Mike Cotter ,RN
June 30,1992
Todd Galles- Product Manager
Syntex Laboratories
3401 Hillview Avenue
Palo Alto ,CA 94304
My nomination for recognition as Nurse Practitioner of this year (and every year ) is Cynthia Roche-Cotter, RN, FNP. Cynthia’s commitment to professional growth and excellence in patient care is truly extra-ordinary and exemplary. As a young wife and mother, and while working part-time as a “store nurse” at a landmark Boston department store, she completed her Associate Degree/RN training. Upon graduation she chose to practice on extremely challenging neurology units at Boston City Hospital and Beth Israel Hospital. During a year of cross-country travel with her husband and son she worked at San Francisco General’s Trauma Unit and also agency private duty. Upon returning home to Quincy ,MA, Cynthia became the first RN and a “Founding Mother”of Manet Community Health Center, largely responsible for the establishment and growth of its model family-community health practice. Over the next thirteen years she served as the first director of nursing, became the Center’s first Nurse Practitioner (graduating from Northeastrern University) and earned her BSN from the University of New York Regent’s Program. All the while she has been a constant advocate-provider for the health needs and rights of women, children, seniors, minorities, the disadvantaged and people with HIV/AIDS. She has reached into the community, local government and schools as HIV/AIDS resource person and sexuality educator. For her beloved and loving co-workers she has been the unoffcial, always sought after “resident health expert and counselor.”
Cyndy can best be characterized as a “human being extra-ordinaire ” with an amazing genius and gift for living. A sense of balance between service to others and self-fulfillment in personal relationships with family and friends, and myriad creative interests led her in the past year to begin a 24 hour weekend position in Pediatric Urgent Care at Harvard Community Health Plan. Quickly she has become a highly respected and valued provider for patients with “special needs” of all kinds. During a weekly evening session at the Manet Center she continues caring for a select group of longterm and referred patients and maintains her close ties to health center friends.
Cynthia’s 17 years of nursing, 10 of them as NP, are filled with literally thousands of encounters in which she has profoundly helped indviduals and families to heal their particular hurts- always with respect, dignity,”commonsensitivity”,humility, humor and love –from struggling immigrant families to traumatized “adult children”, to the 97 year old whom she matched with an African student so the exceptional elder could continue to live in her own home.
Cynthia, this exquisite person and practitioner, inspired me to write song lyrics about a re-awakened young accident victim she cared for –“ when all seems lost , when all else fails, with a touch of your hand ,with one kind word,you reach inside and help me laugh again, love again, live again.”
After a 15 year career as a public educator Cyndy was my inspiration to enter nursing and she will always be my repected and beloved partner and heroine.
This then is Cynthia Roche-Cotter, Family Nurse Practitioner, the pesonification of the humanitarian ideals and caring which are the essence of the art and science of the nurse practitioner.
Sincerely and gratefully submitted,
Mike Cotter ,RN
Friday, January 14, 2011
Mary "Gram" Prendergast
Mary “Gram” Prendergast
April 8,1898 - February 5, 1995
“There is Love”
The last time we were all together as a family was to celebrate the marriage of Jim and Carolyn. From the amount of laughter and good spirits heard among us at the wake yesterday recalling stories of Gram and Gramp, it’s so true that while we share a sense of loss, so much more we come together to celebrate Gram’s life and its meaning to us.
It was my special good fortune to be at Gram’s bedside with my Mom, Aunt Ann and Cousin Maureen as Gram died. As a nurse I have cared for people as they neared death and after they passed away ,but this ,this was the first time I was with someone at the exact moment of passing from life to death. To me it was both powerful and inspiring ,in character profoundly spiritual and awesome ,something like the moment of birth. It was Gram’s room mate Josephine ,who though emotionally upset ,spoke the joyous truth as she pointed to Gram and us and said,”There is love; there is love!”
We are all here today because of that love, to honor and cherish her life and its special meaning to each of us – as Mother, Grandmother, Great Grandmother, Great-Great-Grandmother and friend. Each of us has so many personal memories to laugh about and be grateful for. So many times she would jokingly remind me of Gramp’s appraisal of my potential carpentry skills while watching me as a child wielding tools: she’d say “Your Grandfather always said I hope Mike gets himself a good education ,because he’ll never make a living using his hands”. Nearly every time I’d visit Gram lately she would comment with a wink about Cyndy and me and our 25th anniversary – “And to think ,they said it would never last!” I will always be so grateful she sold her Kilby street home to us – a place of very special memories to us cousins…the “Zarex” in the shiny metal tumblers (we would all love to have one) ,the fresh baked bread ,rolls, and molasses cookies ( we can still smell and taste them) and those virtually indestructible mittens and socks she made (which some of us still have) all intermingled with Gramp’s colorful colloquial language, free-style driving, pipe puffing and card playing and above all devotion to church and family. As a couple and and as individuals they were totally devoted to us and we each had a special personal relationship with and devotion to them. During my last visit with Gram I had gone through the photo album at her bedside and actually pointed out to her a picture of each of us. When I had finished she declared clearly and tenderly ,”I love them all!” And here on behalf of all of us I want to thank Aunt Ann and Uncle Al for their total devotion to caring for Gram each day over the past 24 years in their home and at Hollywell.
Gram was very humble and lived very simply, but her almost 97 year life seems to me like a modern epic, historically and personally. She lived through so many social changes and advances in technology, so many human joys and sorrows. Over the decades beginning in a Canadian farm village ,she witnessed the advent of electricity ,the radio, automobile,airplane, television, space travel, the Depression, and two World Wars, and times of peace and progress- truly the worst of times and the best of times. With this as a backdrop she struggled through and overcame so many personal losses: her mother at birth,her only brother Eddie ,her beloved daughters Kaye and Alice and her husband Alfred. Through it all her amazing personal strength and faith sustained her (and she who had trained as a nurse sustained us with her care.) Even during these last difficult months ,coping with the stroke , she persevered and maintained that inner spark. Working with the therapists she’d declare .”I have to try –it’s the least I can do.” Life was indeed precious to her and she would not give it up. She was amazinglhy at peace with the physical limitations, but could still surprise us with lines of poetry from her childhood and her wit. When we would encourage her with a ,”Gram ,you look good today!” she would come right back with,”I can’t help it ; I was born this way.” That essence, her way and example has been born in us.
When Gram breathed her last on Sunday night about 10 PM four of us were with her representing all of us. Our first reaction was “she’s gone”…but gone where ? To a heavenly afterlife yes ,but gone surely where she has always been and will always be: in the minds and hearts of each of us.
The opening hymn in our celebration this morning was so appropriate to her spirit and ours:
“Be not afraid ;I go before you always.
Come ,follow me; know that I am with you through it all”.
Such strength and faith ! Truly, there is love always…
April 8,1898 - February 5, 1995
“There is Love”
The last time we were all together as a family was to celebrate the marriage of Jim and Carolyn. From the amount of laughter and good spirits heard among us at the wake yesterday recalling stories of Gram and Gramp, it’s so true that while we share a sense of loss, so much more we come together to celebrate Gram’s life and its meaning to us.
It was my special good fortune to be at Gram’s bedside with my Mom, Aunt Ann and Cousin Maureen as Gram died. As a nurse I have cared for people as they neared death and after they passed away ,but this ,this was the first time I was with someone at the exact moment of passing from life to death. To me it was both powerful and inspiring ,in character profoundly spiritual and awesome ,something like the moment of birth. It was Gram’s room mate Josephine ,who though emotionally upset ,spoke the joyous truth as she pointed to Gram and us and said,”There is love; there is love!”
We are all here today because of that love, to honor and cherish her life and its special meaning to each of us – as Mother, Grandmother, Great Grandmother, Great-Great-Grandmother and friend. Each of us has so many personal memories to laugh about and be grateful for. So many times she would jokingly remind me of Gramp’s appraisal of my potential carpentry skills while watching me as a child wielding tools: she’d say “Your Grandfather always said I hope Mike gets himself a good education ,because he’ll never make a living using his hands”. Nearly every time I’d visit Gram lately she would comment with a wink about Cyndy and me and our 25th anniversary – “And to think ,they said it would never last!” I will always be so grateful she sold her Kilby street home to us – a place of very special memories to us cousins…the “Zarex” in the shiny metal tumblers (we would all love to have one) ,the fresh baked bread ,rolls, and molasses cookies ( we can still smell and taste them) and those virtually indestructible mittens and socks she made (which some of us still have) all intermingled with Gramp’s colorful colloquial language, free-style driving, pipe puffing and card playing and above all devotion to church and family. As a couple and and as individuals they were totally devoted to us and we each had a special personal relationship with and devotion to them. During my last visit with Gram I had gone through the photo album at her bedside and actually pointed out to her a picture of each of us. When I had finished she declared clearly and tenderly ,”I love them all!” And here on behalf of all of us I want to thank Aunt Ann and Uncle Al for their total devotion to caring for Gram each day over the past 24 years in their home and at Hollywell.
Gram was very humble and lived very simply, but her almost 97 year life seems to me like a modern epic, historically and personally. She lived through so many social changes and advances in technology, so many human joys and sorrows. Over the decades beginning in a Canadian farm village ,she witnessed the advent of electricity ,the radio, automobile,airplane, television, space travel, the Depression, and two World Wars, and times of peace and progress- truly the worst of times and the best of times. With this as a backdrop she struggled through and overcame so many personal losses: her mother at birth,her only brother Eddie ,her beloved daughters Kaye and Alice and her husband Alfred. Through it all her amazing personal strength and faith sustained her (and she who had trained as a nurse sustained us with her care.) Even during these last difficult months ,coping with the stroke , she persevered and maintained that inner spark. Working with the therapists she’d declare .”I have to try –it’s the least I can do.” Life was indeed precious to her and she would not give it up. She was amazinglhy at peace with the physical limitations, but could still surprise us with lines of poetry from her childhood and her wit. When we would encourage her with a ,”Gram ,you look good today!” she would come right back with,”I can’t help it ; I was born this way.” That essence, her way and example has been born in us.
When Gram breathed her last on Sunday night about 10 PM four of us were with her representing all of us. Our first reaction was “she’s gone”…but gone where ? To a heavenly afterlife yes ,but gone surely where she has always been and will always be: in the minds and hearts of each of us.
The opening hymn in our celebration this morning was so appropriate to her spirit and ours:
“Be not afraid ;I go before you always.
Come ,follow me; know that I am with you through it all”.
Such strength and faith ! Truly, there is love always…
My Patient Jim T
An Appreciation of Jim Tyree
(from my early years at VNAB)
Dear Ollie, Family and Friends of Jim,
Over much of the past 3 years I have been fortunate to have been Jim’s nurse on the weekend: in recent weeks I would see him and Ollie both in the early afternoon and late evening. I will always be grateful for these times and the life lessons and truths Jim shared with me in words and example. Jim was a man of strong character- cantankerous , stubborn, and gruff at times in speech and manner when frustrated, but remarkably brave and uncomplaining given all his physical disabilities…He reminded me of own grandfather that way and the way he’d smoke his pipe in the livingroom …He was fiercely determined to live out his life at home on his own terms ,and with as much independence,choice and control as he could command – and command he could! I often joked with him and it was true – he was an “efficiencly expert and physical movement engineer” – all I really had to do was to listen and follow his carefully considered and precise directions. He reminded me that what people most want from us is to listen and validate their thoughts and feelings.
His thoughts and feelings in these last days especially were of his beloved Ollie. She became his legs when he could no longer get around and he became her memory when hers did not work so well and I witnessed them coming closer together, pehaps closer than ever as life became more difficult and more precious. They became ever more devoted and loving helpmates. When I would arrrive often around 9PM and let myself into their home with the key they entrusted to me they’d be snuggled together in bed and Jim would joke –“Here’s Mike to tuck the kids in for the night!” We’d talk about anything and everything- from sports trivia ,favorite foods, current events to the sweetness of good jazz music and the great singers Ella, Nat King Cole , war and work stories ,life struggles ,the difficulties and sorrows of relationships, the goodness of loving family and friends, the loss of health and inevitability of death . Jim told me many times he was not afraid to die. “The Good Lord always provides a way here and hereafter.” I saw Jim transcending his struggles with a renewed faith. I believe that in the fullness of his life he achieved peace. I remember about 2 years ago considering his funeral arrangements and obituary he said in both a cantankerous and vulnerable tone,” I don’t want the death announcement to say beloved husband and father; I’m not feeling very beloved.” -but that was one of those passing low and lonely moments. Overall and especially in the end he knew without a doubt that he was and will always be be our beloved husband, father, and friend and a lasting example of personal bravery ,faith and love.
I wish you all peace and happy memories of Jim Tyree like those I will always recall when passing by #4 Otisfield…
Sincerely
Mike “The Weekend Nurse” at Jim’s service at the church across the street April 1997
(from my early years at VNAB)
Dear Ollie, Family and Friends of Jim,
Over much of the past 3 years I have been fortunate to have been Jim’s nurse on the weekend: in recent weeks I would see him and Ollie both in the early afternoon and late evening. I will always be grateful for these times and the life lessons and truths Jim shared with me in words and example. Jim was a man of strong character- cantankerous , stubborn, and gruff at times in speech and manner when frustrated, but remarkably brave and uncomplaining given all his physical disabilities…He reminded me of own grandfather that way and the way he’d smoke his pipe in the livingroom …He was fiercely determined to live out his life at home on his own terms ,and with as much independence,choice and control as he could command – and command he could! I often joked with him and it was true – he was an “efficiencly expert and physical movement engineer” – all I really had to do was to listen and follow his carefully considered and precise directions. He reminded me that what people most want from us is to listen and validate their thoughts and feelings.
His thoughts and feelings in these last days especially were of his beloved Ollie. She became his legs when he could no longer get around and he became her memory when hers did not work so well and I witnessed them coming closer together, pehaps closer than ever as life became more difficult and more precious. They became ever more devoted and loving helpmates. When I would arrrive often around 9PM and let myself into their home with the key they entrusted to me they’d be snuggled together in bed and Jim would joke –“Here’s Mike to tuck the kids in for the night!” We’d talk about anything and everything- from sports trivia ,favorite foods, current events to the sweetness of good jazz music and the great singers Ella, Nat King Cole , war and work stories ,life struggles ,the difficulties and sorrows of relationships, the goodness of loving family and friends, the loss of health and inevitability of death . Jim told me many times he was not afraid to die. “The Good Lord always provides a way here and hereafter.” I saw Jim transcending his struggles with a renewed faith. I believe that in the fullness of his life he achieved peace. I remember about 2 years ago considering his funeral arrangements and obituary he said in both a cantankerous and vulnerable tone,” I don’t want the death announcement to say beloved husband and father; I’m not feeling very beloved.” -but that was one of those passing low and lonely moments. Overall and especially in the end he knew without a doubt that he was and will always be be our beloved husband, father, and friend and a lasting example of personal bravery ,faith and love.
I wish you all peace and happy memories of Jim Tyree like those I will always recall when passing by #4 Otisfield…
Sincerely
Mike “The Weekend Nurse” at Jim’s service at the church across the street April 1997
Marion/Nana
Our Thoughts of Nana
March 17, 1980
Mimi – Poems by Sara Teasdale
There Will Be Stars
There will be stars over the place forever;
Should the house we loved and the street we loved be lost,
Every time the earth circles her orbit,
On the night the autumn equinox is crossed,
Two stars we knew ,poised on the peak of midnight
Will reach their zenith ; stillness will be deep;
There will be stars over the place forever,
There will be stars forever, while we sleep.
On a March Day
Bear witness for me that I loved my life,
All things that hurt me and all things that healed,
And I swore to it this day in March,
Here at the edge of this new-broken field.
You only knew me, tell them I was glas
For every hour since my hour of birth,
And that I ceased to fear ,as once I feared,
The last complete reunion with the earth.
Cyndy - At Eighty Three
by Thomas Durley Landels
Thank God for life with all its endless store
Of great experience , of hill and dale,
Of cloud and sunshine, tempest ,snow and hail.
Thank God for home and parents,children and friends,
For sweet companionship that never ends.
Thanks God for sea and sky,for changing hours,
For trees and singing birds and fragrant flowers.
And so in looking back at eighty-three,
My final word to you my friends shall be:
Thank God for life, and when the gift’s withdrawn,
Thank god for love ,and coming dawn.
Nancy- From Thoughts and Meditations
By Kahlil Gibran
…from a sensitive woman’s heart springs the happiness of mankind,
and from the kindness of her noble spirit comes mankind’s affection.
From Mike-
I will try this morning to speak for all of us, for all that is in our feelings and thoughts. We are here to comfort one another, to express and share our sorrow and loss. So much more though we are together to commemorate and celebrate the life of Marion-our mother, grandmother, great-grand mother and friend. To celebrate indeed this unique and magnificent woman who has brought us all so much joy, so much love, so much life.
So much joy! She was a person who truly rejoiced in life whether we called her Mother,or Lovey, or Nana, Nina, Turk or Marion. Her radiant smile and twinkling eyes always greeted us ; her heartfelt infectious laughter accompanying each story or account with which she would regale us. Whenever we would come away from being with her we would feel happier because she was a genuinely happy individual. Humor was Marion’s strongest medicine which helped her and us through the hardest times. She loved to joke, to party, to eat, to drink and be merry and let us toast her now- what a marvelous unfailing wit she had! She could even joke about her own death when deciding to select her finale dress so as not to be “the first lady ever buried in a pant suit”. Happiness radiated from her everyday charming mannerisms – whistling while she worked in her cozy kitchen (sometimes with a touch of worry if one of us was overdue),always a wave from her window seat as we came or went , on special occasion playing “Love Letter in the Sand” on the downstairs piano, endless stories of all kinds drawn from the years,from her one and only day of outside employment in a bakery (she gave too much away) to riding in Joe Richards’ motorcycle side-car, to quitting smoking after 50 years –no more “cigarette me baby”. She generated all her own, now ours, treasury of comical sayings: “service a la”, “F-O-X-Y”, and we can almost hear her say herself that her heart was just to “T-I-R-E-D”. to keep on.
Speaking of heart,Marion was a totally loving person, loving each of us for ourselves, always opening her heart to us whenever trouble or trials ro changes we would be experiencing. She loved each of us without reservation, each of us as a very special person in her life. Her “little ones” especailly she loved and delighted in – they were really her grand children and great –grand children ! How happy she was and and how wonderful it is that her name will be carried on by Christopher Richards Balsamo. Ove , like joy is shown in deeds and each of us cherishes the kindness which she lavished upon us. She was so loved by each of us and how well she knew it- we filled her life too! She depended upon us and we never disappointed her. She called herself the “hot house flower” and we tended to her with devotion , making her home always more comfortable, lovingly patching ,fixing, remodeling ,cleaning, beautifying,getting her provisions, helping her take care of her personal business and medical needs. Ouronly regret is not having one more moment with her , but what a treasure to have had so much precious time. She completed her life as she had lived it , in her home with her family livng close around her as they did everyday.
And what a life! In Marion we have a shining example of life lived to the full. Her death at 83,ending her physical pain is not tragic, but her life was certainly a triumph. She has inspired all of us in so many ways. The word which best described her mind was “brilliant” – always inquisitive, intelligent, in the finest sense, alwaysgiven to new thoughts and ideas. A funny old plaque on her porch jokes about aging in her paraphrased German;” We get too too soon oldt and too late schmart”. She was ever youthful and so very smart. What a philosophy in her last years:” I never feel like I’m missing out” she’d say,” I’ve done everything.” Her memory was truly remarkable,unfaltering flashing back over decades for names, dates and details. Marion had a real compassion and concern for others which manifestied itself by a long term participation in politics- the Democrats of course,the people’party . She called her little 2nd floor bungalow her “Ivory Tower” and from this special place ,even when failing health restricted her she reached out to the world ,reading 2 daily newspapers, following current events on television and keeping in touch with everyone by letter and telephone. Marion was a model of courage and strength bearing her final ills as she had the heartaches of her life. She always kept her faith in her God and her hope in life.
Now her last hopes have been realized, to join her beloved son Bobby, and her beloved husband Joe. Now they are together again. We really can’t think of Marion without thinking of Joe. As each was a magnificent individual, they were together a magnificent pair. They have taught us all by example the meaning of the phrase “joie de vivre”, the enjoyment and the joy of life. Joy is received whenever it is given – a gift , a meal , a good time. That was their message- be good to each other, love one another as friends, as family.
They would say,”She no tears over us; we have lived so well,so long”. So let there be no dreary dress or mournful music on this her special St Patrick’s Day. It is a day most of all to celebrate.
So here’s to love, here’s to life, here’s to Joe, here’s to Marion!
March 17, 1980
Mimi – Poems by Sara Teasdale
There Will Be Stars
There will be stars over the place forever;
Should the house we loved and the street we loved be lost,
Every time the earth circles her orbit,
On the night the autumn equinox is crossed,
Two stars we knew ,poised on the peak of midnight
Will reach their zenith ; stillness will be deep;
There will be stars over the place forever,
There will be stars forever, while we sleep.
On a March Day
Bear witness for me that I loved my life,
All things that hurt me and all things that healed,
And I swore to it this day in March,
Here at the edge of this new-broken field.
You only knew me, tell them I was glas
For every hour since my hour of birth,
And that I ceased to fear ,as once I feared,
The last complete reunion with the earth.
Cyndy - At Eighty Three
by Thomas Durley Landels
Thank God for life with all its endless store
Of great experience , of hill and dale,
Of cloud and sunshine, tempest ,snow and hail.
Thank God for home and parents,children and friends,
For sweet companionship that never ends.
Thanks God for sea and sky,for changing hours,
For trees and singing birds and fragrant flowers.
And so in looking back at eighty-three,
My final word to you my friends shall be:
Thank God for life, and when the gift’s withdrawn,
Thank god for love ,and coming dawn.
Nancy- From Thoughts and Meditations
By Kahlil Gibran
…from a sensitive woman’s heart springs the happiness of mankind,
and from the kindness of her noble spirit comes mankind’s affection.
From Mike-
I will try this morning to speak for all of us, for all that is in our feelings and thoughts. We are here to comfort one another, to express and share our sorrow and loss. So much more though we are together to commemorate and celebrate the life of Marion-our mother, grandmother, great-grand mother and friend. To celebrate indeed this unique and magnificent woman who has brought us all so much joy, so much love, so much life.
So much joy! She was a person who truly rejoiced in life whether we called her Mother,or Lovey, or Nana, Nina, Turk or Marion. Her radiant smile and twinkling eyes always greeted us ; her heartfelt infectious laughter accompanying each story or account with which she would regale us. Whenever we would come away from being with her we would feel happier because she was a genuinely happy individual. Humor was Marion’s strongest medicine which helped her and us through the hardest times. She loved to joke, to party, to eat, to drink and be merry and let us toast her now- what a marvelous unfailing wit she had! She could even joke about her own death when deciding to select her finale dress so as not to be “the first lady ever buried in a pant suit”. Happiness radiated from her everyday charming mannerisms – whistling while she worked in her cozy kitchen (sometimes with a touch of worry if one of us was overdue),always a wave from her window seat as we came or went , on special occasion playing “Love Letter in the Sand” on the downstairs piano, endless stories of all kinds drawn from the years,from her one and only day of outside employment in a bakery (she gave too much away) to riding in Joe Richards’ motorcycle side-car, to quitting smoking after 50 years –no more “cigarette me baby”. She generated all her own, now ours, treasury of comical sayings: “service a la”, “F-O-X-Y”, and we can almost hear her say herself that her heart was just to “T-I-R-E-D”. to keep on.
Speaking of heart,Marion was a totally loving person, loving each of us for ourselves, always opening her heart to us whenever trouble or trials ro changes we would be experiencing. She loved each of us without reservation, each of us as a very special person in her life. Her “little ones” especailly she loved and delighted in – they were really her grand children and great –grand children ! How happy she was and and how wonderful it is that her name will be carried on by Christopher Richards Balsamo. Ove , like joy is shown in deeds and each of us cherishes the kindness which she lavished upon us. She was so loved by each of us and how well she knew it- we filled her life too! She depended upon us and we never disappointed her. She called herself the “hot house flower” and we tended to her with devotion , making her home always more comfortable, lovingly patching ,fixing, remodeling ,cleaning, beautifying,getting her provisions, helping her take care of her personal business and medical needs. Ouronly regret is not having one more moment with her , but what a treasure to have had so much precious time. She completed her life as she had lived it , in her home with her family livng close around her as they did everyday.
And what a life! In Marion we have a shining example of life lived to the full. Her death at 83,ending her physical pain is not tragic, but her life was certainly a triumph. She has inspired all of us in so many ways. The word which best described her mind was “brilliant” – always inquisitive, intelligent, in the finest sense, alwaysgiven to new thoughts and ideas. A funny old plaque on her porch jokes about aging in her paraphrased German;” We get too too soon oldt and too late schmart”. She was ever youthful and so very smart. What a philosophy in her last years:” I never feel like I’m missing out” she’d say,” I’ve done everything.” Her memory was truly remarkable,unfaltering flashing back over decades for names, dates and details. Marion had a real compassion and concern for others which manifestied itself by a long term participation in politics- the Democrats of course,the people’party . She called her little 2nd floor bungalow her “Ivory Tower” and from this special place ,even when failing health restricted her she reached out to the world ,reading 2 daily newspapers, following current events on television and keeping in touch with everyone by letter and telephone. Marion was a model of courage and strength bearing her final ills as she had the heartaches of her life. She always kept her faith in her God and her hope in life.
Now her last hopes have been realized, to join her beloved son Bobby, and her beloved husband Joe. Now they are together again. We really can’t think of Marion without thinking of Joe. As each was a magnificent individual, they were together a magnificent pair. They have taught us all by example the meaning of the phrase “joie de vivre”, the enjoyment and the joy of life. Joy is received whenever it is given – a gift , a meal , a good time. That was their message- be good to each other, love one another as friends, as family.
They would say,”She no tears over us; we have lived so well,so long”. So let there be no dreary dress or mournful music on this her special St Patrick’s Day. It is a day most of all to celebrate.
So here’s to love, here’s to life, here’s to Joe, here’s to Marion!
Uncle Jack
Our Uncle Jack – some special memories and reflections…
Although our family has always been separated by 3000 miles we have somehow been able to always feel close to our West Coast family. Several ‘cross country’ road trips were made during our childhoods when it was a ‘big deal’ to take such a trip. Our first ’adult’ visit was in 1975 with our 5 year old Joe , Mimi and her 2 year old daughter Zoe .We received a royal welcome with many family members meeting us at the airport. Uncle Jack and Aunt Rose took us up to ‘the cabin’ at Lassen . We learned why this place was so special to Jack as we sat out under the stars at night around the campfire and took swims in the river - a wonderful experience. When we came back to Vallejo (it wasn’t American Canyon, then) Uncle Jack let us take his truck down the coast for a week and we were overwhelmed with his generosity. We knew what great care he took with his vehicles.
Uncle Jack came with Uncle Gene in January of 2002 when our dad, their brother Bob, died suddenly. Their visit gave us the strength to face that difficult time. Uncle Jack’s eulogy to Dad recalled their closeness as kids…how they would stick up for each other in neighborhood battles around Clarence Street and Upham’s Corner. We felt a special connection to those neighborhoods when we both worked there as Boston Visiting Nurses passing by the various old homesteads where the Roche family grew up and also Grampa Roche’s firehouse house that remains in use on Columbia Road.
Uncle Jack was the support and strength to so many of his family members. He was always the one to deliver a beautiful eulogy or a sweet poem to mark a special occasion.
He was busy everyday in his garden or his workshop but he always was there to lend an ear and offer support or guidance when ‘the kids’ - children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, friends, needed some sound advice.
He could certainly act the ‘tough guy’ but he was so proud of his Bobby and his fabulous grandsons and their wives who helped him so much in the past few years. He would tell us over and over how great you were and how much he loved all of you. He was very proud of his grandson Patrick and his personal triumphs.
Uncle Jack was such a brave example to us when he faced the passing of his beloved Rosey as he struggled with his own health problems and sadly less than four years later with Peggy’s sudden death…Peg of his heart – he bravely carried on…
We revisited Uncle Jack in the fall after Peggy’s death to fulfill a promise to go up to his beloved cabin . This time we got to meet the fabulous neighbors, Donna and Jack who have been so wonderful to Uncle Jack for many years. We had heard about them many times and now we thank you so much for all your caring and generosity.
We really had fun with Jack every time we were together and it kept us connected to our own Dad as there were many similarities between the two brothers.
We kept in touch with phonecalls and we knew Uncle Jack was coping with pain and sometimes loneliness but he carried on his routine bravely. His biggest complaint was his lack of energy when he could only work out in his shop for 3 hours without being exhausted as he neared 90 years of age.
We are so happy that during our last visit this past March we were able to bring our mom Lois for a visit and as we sat around after supper and played Scrabble Jack said how nice it was to have us gathered at his table ‘like old times.’
During that visit he was bothered by an itch on his back. Lois suggested a cream but it was hard to apply to his back. In true Roche fashion we combined a solution with a joke and found a small paint roller with a long handle. Jack gave it a try and laughed heartily because it really worked, not as good , he said “as a good looking woman “, but a workable substitute.
So isn’t it wonderful that Uncle Jack had his ‘Last Hurrah’ at the cabin he loved so much and passed away peacefully in Bobby and Stephanie’s home after making it to his 90th birthday. He was another member from the ‘Greatest Generation’: Husband, father, proud veteran of WW II ,fireman, poet , painter, and friend to all. Truly, a life well lived.
Now he can at last return to Rose and Peggy, his Mom and Dad and brothers Pete, Bob and Gene… Uncle Jack always had such a rich, strong voice that we now find ourselves with a sweet souvenir. We loved hearing his voice so much we have kept a message from him on our cell phone for over two years:
“Cyndy Baby, Where are you? Just checking in…No hurry - wondering where you are and when you are coming up. Talk to you later …Love you “….a simple message ,but it’s all there…the kidding, the love – we know where you are Uncle Jack and though we are not in a hurry , we will be coming up and will talk to you later and love you always…
Although our family has always been separated by 3000 miles we have somehow been able to always feel close to our West Coast family. Several ‘cross country’ road trips were made during our childhoods when it was a ‘big deal’ to take such a trip. Our first ’adult’ visit was in 1975 with our 5 year old Joe , Mimi and her 2 year old daughter Zoe .We received a royal welcome with many family members meeting us at the airport. Uncle Jack and Aunt Rose took us up to ‘the cabin’ at Lassen . We learned why this place was so special to Jack as we sat out under the stars at night around the campfire and took swims in the river - a wonderful experience. When we came back to Vallejo (it wasn’t American Canyon, then) Uncle Jack let us take his truck down the coast for a week and we were overwhelmed with his generosity. We knew what great care he took with his vehicles.
Uncle Jack came with Uncle Gene in January of 2002 when our dad, their brother Bob, died suddenly. Their visit gave us the strength to face that difficult time. Uncle Jack’s eulogy to Dad recalled their closeness as kids…how they would stick up for each other in neighborhood battles around Clarence Street and Upham’s Corner. We felt a special connection to those neighborhoods when we both worked there as Boston Visiting Nurses passing by the various old homesteads where the Roche family grew up and also Grampa Roche’s firehouse house that remains in use on Columbia Road.
Uncle Jack was the support and strength to so many of his family members. He was always the one to deliver a beautiful eulogy or a sweet poem to mark a special occasion.
He was busy everyday in his garden or his workshop but he always was there to lend an ear and offer support or guidance when ‘the kids’ - children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, friends, needed some sound advice.
He could certainly act the ‘tough guy’ but he was so proud of his Bobby and his fabulous grandsons and their wives who helped him so much in the past few years. He would tell us over and over how great you were and how much he loved all of you. He was very proud of his grandson Patrick and his personal triumphs.
Uncle Jack was such a brave example to us when he faced the passing of his beloved Rosey as he struggled with his own health problems and sadly less than four years later with Peggy’s sudden death…Peg of his heart – he bravely carried on…
We revisited Uncle Jack in the fall after Peggy’s death to fulfill a promise to go up to his beloved cabin . This time we got to meet the fabulous neighbors, Donna and Jack who have been so wonderful to Uncle Jack for many years. We had heard about them many times and now we thank you so much for all your caring and generosity.
We really had fun with Jack every time we were together and it kept us connected to our own Dad as there were many similarities between the two brothers.
We kept in touch with phonecalls and we knew Uncle Jack was coping with pain and sometimes loneliness but he carried on his routine bravely. His biggest complaint was his lack of energy when he could only work out in his shop for 3 hours without being exhausted as he neared 90 years of age.
We are so happy that during our last visit this past March we were able to bring our mom Lois for a visit and as we sat around after supper and played Scrabble Jack said how nice it was to have us gathered at his table ‘like old times.’
During that visit he was bothered by an itch on his back. Lois suggested a cream but it was hard to apply to his back. In true Roche fashion we combined a solution with a joke and found a small paint roller with a long handle. Jack gave it a try and laughed heartily because it really worked, not as good , he said “as a good looking woman “, but a workable substitute.
So isn’t it wonderful that Uncle Jack had his ‘Last Hurrah’ at the cabin he loved so much and passed away peacefully in Bobby and Stephanie’s home after making it to his 90th birthday. He was another member from the ‘Greatest Generation’: Husband, father, proud veteran of WW II ,fireman, poet , painter, and friend to all. Truly, a life well lived.
Now he can at last return to Rose and Peggy, his Mom and Dad and brothers Pete, Bob and Gene… Uncle Jack always had such a rich, strong voice that we now find ourselves with a sweet souvenir. We loved hearing his voice so much we have kept a message from him on our cell phone for over two years:
“Cyndy Baby, Where are you? Just checking in…No hurry - wondering where you are and when you are coming up. Talk to you later …Love you “….a simple message ,but it’s all there…the kidding, the love – we know where you are Uncle Jack and though we are not in a hurry , we will be coming up and will talk to you later and love you always…
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Our Amazing Friend Mr. Bill Niles
“Mr Bill “ Niles
(Sept 2 ,1918 – Nov 18, 1997)
Bill has been and will always remain a treasured part of our lives. We each have had a special , enriching relationship with him and could share many touching and joyful stories in tribute to him. I would like to share some of mine and Cyndy’s.
A few years ago we had a literary brainstorm. To offset in some small way the barrage of bad news on the front page of the daily newspaper, down by the guide to features it would be a great idea to run a brief column aptly named “Good News” which would spotlight the best in human beings, the essential ,everyday or extraordinary goodness in character,words and deeds that inspires. Evidently this was too good an idea because none of the two dozen newspaper services we sent it to picked up on it, but as a prime example of “GoodNews” I wrote this story-
“ Our Amazing Friend Bill”
“Now don’t be scared when you see me do this ; people get scared- I’m all right!” With that preface ,down went the back of the electric wheelchair against the bed. Using a combination of olympic wiggling, power elbowing,two finger pull-ups on side rails and trapeze ,he transferred from the wheel chair to the bed. He was winded. I was completely amazed. Though his legs were withered, his thin arms were very strong. “Been doing that at least twice a day for years- the man on the flying trapeze- that’s me!” , Bill declared. This stunning transfer was my introduction to Bill Niles, a courageous man in his seventies living with the physical burdens of cerebral palsy, navigating his way through life since childhood in a wheelchair , guided with astonishing will,wit and faith. I was privileged to join a circle of home health aides and nurses (during my two years of nursing school ) who cared for Bill in his special home. First he was my patient; soon he became my friend. My wife Cyndy ,the inspiration for my career change from teacher to nurse, had always treasured her home visits to Bill for a number of years. She’d recount that at the end of a long and complex day of trying to help and heal patients she would arrive tired at Bill’s apartment and leave an hour later refreshed and renewed by the encounter. Cyndy hoped that I would someday meet Bill and as fate would have it I certainly did. During my weekly visits as his HHA ,Bill and I shared life experiences, philosophy, lots of laughs and some tears man to man. A special common bond was music , the great bands and singers of the 30’s through the 50’s. We would swap copies of tapes and at Christmas have a live songfest with some talented young musician friends of mine.
Bill related his personal adventures too: taking care of his ailing parents, proving to a doubtful doctor when they passed away that he cold live independently and would not have to spend the rest of his life from age 22 in an institution. He has experienced the worst in people when robbed at knifepoint and another time when he returned to a ransacked apartment. Somehow it seemed very just that the local police apprehended the perpetrator and he met with some accidental injuries on the way to the station house. These cruel encounters in no way soured Bill toward his fellow man because he had seen the best in people, especially the wonderfully generous “adoptive” family which shares his life. Ask anyone among his family and friends and each will say how much more is received than is given in the relationship with Bill. He’s a pleasure and a treasure to know. After a mild stroke and hospitalization he made the heart-rendng decision to give up his beloved apartment and move to a nearby nursing home. “I’ve cried myself to sleep more than once, but I’ve accepted this as my new life “, Bill says. “There are compromises ;I’m secure here, have good care and some friends here and I can keep listening to my music” “I have my ups and downs, but I just keep going!”
I just keep going too- each week to visit Bill , to share an occasional sorrow,but always his laughter, music and inspiring friendship.
That was the end of that story , but just a glimpse into Bill’s story, the truly “good news” that was his life. Bill’s life was one that could have been mostly tragic, but became triumphant, could have been mostly sorrowful ,but became so much more content,peaceful and happy. This transformation of spirit over circumstance was due to his courageous character and to the committed care of those who shared his life through his later years –the VNA home health aides,therapists, nurses, his Nurse Practitioner Cyndy and Doctor Fred Dolgin from Manet community Health Center, the devoted staff at Robbin House…but always and most of all his “adoptive/adopted” niece Charlene and his honorary “Brother-in-law” Ivan, their family and friends. In every way and virtually every day Charlene and Ivan supported ,fostered, provided for and and advocated on behalf of Bill. And speaking of advocating –as one of countless examples, who can forget the mighty marshalling of letters and witnesses Charlene organized for the hearing last December in Boston when Bill’s lifeline ,his electric wheelchair seemed threatened. Talk about “power to the people”! Bill’s last wheels were state of the art and could he ever maneuver! Charlene and Ivan’s love for Bill in thousands of good deeds has been extraordinary and profoundly inspirational. Though Ivan gives most of the credit to Charlene he said so well, “Bill set off a spark in everyone who came close to him.” Bill really enlivened each of us with his sparkling spirit.
What an impact he made. He gave us the gifts of gratitude,for and perspective toward life. Bill had only a few material possessions,each of which he valued and enjoyed to the maximum. – the portrait of his beloved Mother watching over him, the television which connected him with everything from wrestling to the latest court cases ( while he snacked and partook of a beverage) , and his sound system which gave him endless enjoyable hours of listening to and taping his beloved music. I’d joke with him that he could start his own radio station ,he had made so many tapes- and each one marked in his hand with only an “x”. Bill could not read or write and he had difficulties speaking ,but conveyed such compelling thoughtfulness, common sense and insight on personal problems and world events. He was physically handicapped , but so determined to be independent ,asking for and grateful for only the assistance he absolutlely needed. He was remarkably graceful , dignified and respectful and wonderfully full of mirth and merriment. What a marvelous and miraculous person!
As we held our farewell vigil at Bill’s bedside in the hospital and nursing home this past week ther were tears for the loss of his presence , but more laughter for happy reminscences. Cydny and I have precious memories of Bill at weddings, sing-a-longs,visits to our home, outings to Quincy and Boston and our last excurion was the unforgetable best. For his 79th birthday celebration we took Bill into Boston on the high-tech water shuttle the Harbor Express. Comfortably seated inside we set out from Fore River shipyard , amazingly saw a seal swim by right next to the boat as we passed Germantown, then we continued our tour past Houghs Neck, Peddocks ,through the Long Island Bridge, past Spectacle and Castle Islands ,the airport, the inner harbor, all the while Bill listening to our travelogue and happily taking it all in. Arriving in town we spent some time exploring the waterfront, Christopher Columbus Park, The Rose Kennedy Rose Garden, watched little kids romping in the playground (there always seemed to be a mutual affection and fascination between Bill and children.) We talked , had a snack, and bought a postcard souvenir for his bulletin board. Then it was time to reboard for the cruise home. Cyndy and I took Bill out on the semi-sheltered port side deck and set him up with his trademark can of beer sipped through a straw. The captain opened the engines up and we were really off and flying! Bill was absolutley elated- he loved the sheer speed and whipping wind and when we hit the large wake of a passing commuter boat a giant plume of spray crashed and splashed by ,Bill looked up at us with a delighted sparkle in his eyes, laughed ecstatically and whooped ,”Hallelujah!”
This is how we will best remember Bill- our beloved and loving, indomitable and inspiring friend- Hallelujah ,Bill, Hallelujah!
(Sept 2 ,1918 – Nov 18, 1997)
Bill has been and will always remain a treasured part of our lives. We each have had a special , enriching relationship with him and could share many touching and joyful stories in tribute to him. I would like to share some of mine and Cyndy’s.
A few years ago we had a literary brainstorm. To offset in some small way the barrage of bad news on the front page of the daily newspaper, down by the guide to features it would be a great idea to run a brief column aptly named “Good News” which would spotlight the best in human beings, the essential ,everyday or extraordinary goodness in character,words and deeds that inspires. Evidently this was too good an idea because none of the two dozen newspaper services we sent it to picked up on it, but as a prime example of “GoodNews” I wrote this story-
“ Our Amazing Friend Bill”
“Now don’t be scared when you see me do this ; people get scared- I’m all right!” With that preface ,down went the back of the electric wheelchair against the bed. Using a combination of olympic wiggling, power elbowing,two finger pull-ups on side rails and trapeze ,he transferred from the wheel chair to the bed. He was winded. I was completely amazed. Though his legs were withered, his thin arms were very strong. “Been doing that at least twice a day for years- the man on the flying trapeze- that’s me!” , Bill declared. This stunning transfer was my introduction to Bill Niles, a courageous man in his seventies living with the physical burdens of cerebral palsy, navigating his way through life since childhood in a wheelchair , guided with astonishing will,wit and faith. I was privileged to join a circle of home health aides and nurses (during my two years of nursing school ) who cared for Bill in his special home. First he was my patient; soon he became my friend. My wife Cyndy ,the inspiration for my career change from teacher to nurse, had always treasured her home visits to Bill for a number of years. She’d recount that at the end of a long and complex day of trying to help and heal patients she would arrive tired at Bill’s apartment and leave an hour later refreshed and renewed by the encounter. Cyndy hoped that I would someday meet Bill and as fate would have it I certainly did. During my weekly visits as his HHA ,Bill and I shared life experiences, philosophy, lots of laughs and some tears man to man. A special common bond was music , the great bands and singers of the 30’s through the 50’s. We would swap copies of tapes and at Christmas have a live songfest with some talented young musician friends of mine.
Bill related his personal adventures too: taking care of his ailing parents, proving to a doubtful doctor when they passed away that he cold live independently and would not have to spend the rest of his life from age 22 in an institution. He has experienced the worst in people when robbed at knifepoint and another time when he returned to a ransacked apartment. Somehow it seemed very just that the local police apprehended the perpetrator and he met with some accidental injuries on the way to the station house. These cruel encounters in no way soured Bill toward his fellow man because he had seen the best in people, especially the wonderfully generous “adoptive” family which shares his life. Ask anyone among his family and friends and each will say how much more is received than is given in the relationship with Bill. He’s a pleasure and a treasure to know. After a mild stroke and hospitalization he made the heart-rendng decision to give up his beloved apartment and move to a nearby nursing home. “I’ve cried myself to sleep more than once, but I’ve accepted this as my new life “, Bill says. “There are compromises ;I’m secure here, have good care and some friends here and I can keep listening to my music” “I have my ups and downs, but I just keep going!”
I just keep going too- each week to visit Bill , to share an occasional sorrow,but always his laughter, music and inspiring friendship.
That was the end of that story , but just a glimpse into Bill’s story, the truly “good news” that was his life. Bill’s life was one that could have been mostly tragic, but became triumphant, could have been mostly sorrowful ,but became so much more content,peaceful and happy. This transformation of spirit over circumstance was due to his courageous character and to the committed care of those who shared his life through his later years –the VNA home health aides,therapists, nurses, his Nurse Practitioner Cyndy and Doctor Fred Dolgin from Manet community Health Center, the devoted staff at Robbin House…but always and most of all his “adoptive/adopted” niece Charlene and his honorary “Brother-in-law” Ivan, their family and friends. In every way and virtually every day Charlene and Ivan supported ,fostered, provided for and and advocated on behalf of Bill. And speaking of advocating –as one of countless examples, who can forget the mighty marshalling of letters and witnesses Charlene organized for the hearing last December in Boston when Bill’s lifeline ,his electric wheelchair seemed threatened. Talk about “power to the people”! Bill’s last wheels were state of the art and could he ever maneuver! Charlene and Ivan’s love for Bill in thousands of good deeds has been extraordinary and profoundly inspirational. Though Ivan gives most of the credit to Charlene he said so well, “Bill set off a spark in everyone who came close to him.” Bill really enlivened each of us with his sparkling spirit.
What an impact he made. He gave us the gifts of gratitude,for and perspective toward life. Bill had only a few material possessions,each of which he valued and enjoyed to the maximum. – the portrait of his beloved Mother watching over him, the television which connected him with everything from wrestling to the latest court cases ( while he snacked and partook of a beverage) , and his sound system which gave him endless enjoyable hours of listening to and taping his beloved music. I’d joke with him that he could start his own radio station ,he had made so many tapes- and each one marked in his hand with only an “x”. Bill could not read or write and he had difficulties speaking ,but conveyed such compelling thoughtfulness, common sense and insight on personal problems and world events. He was physically handicapped , but so determined to be independent ,asking for and grateful for only the assistance he absolutlely needed. He was remarkably graceful , dignified and respectful and wonderfully full of mirth and merriment. What a marvelous and miraculous person!
As we held our farewell vigil at Bill’s bedside in the hospital and nursing home this past week ther were tears for the loss of his presence , but more laughter for happy reminscences. Cydny and I have precious memories of Bill at weddings, sing-a-longs,visits to our home, outings to Quincy and Boston and our last excurion was the unforgetable best. For his 79th birthday celebration we took Bill into Boston on the high-tech water shuttle the Harbor Express. Comfortably seated inside we set out from Fore River shipyard , amazingly saw a seal swim by right next to the boat as we passed Germantown, then we continued our tour past Houghs Neck, Peddocks ,through the Long Island Bridge, past Spectacle and Castle Islands ,the airport, the inner harbor, all the while Bill listening to our travelogue and happily taking it all in. Arriving in town we spent some time exploring the waterfront, Christopher Columbus Park, The Rose Kennedy Rose Garden, watched little kids romping in the playground (there always seemed to be a mutual affection and fascination between Bill and children.) We talked , had a snack, and bought a postcard souvenir for his bulletin board. Then it was time to reboard for the cruise home. Cyndy and I took Bill out on the semi-sheltered port side deck and set him up with his trademark can of beer sipped through a straw. The captain opened the engines up and we were really off and flying! Bill was absolutley elated- he loved the sheer speed and whipping wind and when we hit the large wake of a passing commuter boat a giant plume of spray crashed and splashed by ,Bill looked up at us with a delighted sparkle in his eyes, laughed ecstatically and whooped ,”Hallelujah!”
This is how we will best remember Bill- our beloved and loving, indomitable and inspiring friend- Hallelujah ,Bill, Hallelujah!
St Clair -My VNA Buddy
In Memory of My Friend – St Clair Brathwaite 8-10-97
It wa a cool, rainy New Year’s Eve and I was attending the City of Quincy ‘s “First Night” celebration. I was drawn to the steel band performance beckoning from a tent in the middle of the Square. The instrumental music created a happy, harmonious and warming welcome to 1993. I stood next to a powerfully built black man who was all concentration and delicacy as he played his steel drum. An always appreciative musician myself , as I began to walk away at at song’s end, I made a quick good-bye,”Hey, your music is great, thanks!” He looked up with a wide flashing and friendly smile and replied, “Thanks, man. Happy New Year!” Ten months later when I began working with the Visitng Nurse Association of Boston we met officially and St Clair and I became weekend partners and friends for the next four years. He taxi’d me to patients’ homes for eleven, twelve, sometimes thirteen hours each Saturday , Sunday and many holidays. He always kept watch over me and kept me “street-wise” on the same though very different Dorchester and Roxbury streets where my parents and parents-in-law grew up in the 1920’s,1930’s, and 1940’s before moving to Quincy .
During our drives in his spotless cab St Clair and I would listen to radio sports events and talk shows, or jazz and on Sunday “Jammin Joe Jackson’s” Carribean music show on WILD. We shared a musician’s love for music as the universal language , but both being in our late forties neither of us cared for the music or language of rap. “Oh, Lord”, he’d laugh,”I can’t take much of that!” Eating quick lunches in the front seat of the cab or at “The King’s” ( Burger King) we would talk about work, world happenings ,health ,our childhoods, families and plans. He told me he hoped to buy a home right here in the city , in the community and with the people he knew and cared about. St Clair knew every street by heart and so often as we drove through the neighborhoods he’d roll down his window and exchange salutes and greetings with so many people , young and old. From his own taxi business, driving for ITOA, running a small store for a time, auto body work with his great friend Roderick, helping with youth center dances ,being “The Captain” of the Jammers Community Steel Band, maintaining and improving the Geneva Ave. “pan yard” and being a star player in the annual Carribean Carnival – it seemed he knew almost everyone in the neighborhood and almost every one knew St Clair. They all knew him as a friendly and caring gentleman. So many benefitted from his generosity and kindness.
St Clair exemplified in his everyday life the basis of the Golden Rule- treat all others and their loved ones as considerately and humanely as you wish yourself and your family to be treated. Everyone was better for their contact with him. He was truly a man of quiet but profound dignity, respectfulness and responsibility. St Clair taught me what it really means to come to America from a far-off country , and to struggle for “the good life” for oneself and one’s family- and how much more difficult that is and has always been to do for a black man. He’d often say with a shake of his head, but not a trace of bitterness,”You think it’s easy?- It not easy!” Yet he had an ease and grace about him always. He had such a peaceful and good nature.
When he was discharged form the hospital just days ago he left a message on my home answering machine that was a heartfelt treasure: “Mike man , this is St Clair –thanks to you and your wife for helping with the boys and for coming to sse me in the hospital …I’m home…I love you buddy.” When I last saw him at home just a week ago, he kept saying, “I’m feeling good and strong.” Loving , good and strong- that was St Clair and his life.
As we all cherish St Clair for his devotion to family and friends, his thankful family and friends will remain dedicated to his beloved Cookie, Kareem and Malcolm. Reunited with his beloved parents, St Clair’s body will rest at home in Trinidad, but his joyful ,harmonious and loving spirit will always be at home in our hearts.
Thank you St Clair…
From your grateful and loving buddy,
Mike
It wa a cool, rainy New Year’s Eve and I was attending the City of Quincy ‘s “First Night” celebration. I was drawn to the steel band performance beckoning from a tent in the middle of the Square. The instrumental music created a happy, harmonious and warming welcome to 1993. I stood next to a powerfully built black man who was all concentration and delicacy as he played his steel drum. An always appreciative musician myself , as I began to walk away at at song’s end, I made a quick good-bye,”Hey, your music is great, thanks!” He looked up with a wide flashing and friendly smile and replied, “Thanks, man. Happy New Year!” Ten months later when I began working with the Visitng Nurse Association of Boston we met officially and St Clair and I became weekend partners and friends for the next four years. He taxi’d me to patients’ homes for eleven, twelve, sometimes thirteen hours each Saturday , Sunday and many holidays. He always kept watch over me and kept me “street-wise” on the same though very different Dorchester and Roxbury streets where my parents and parents-in-law grew up in the 1920’s,1930’s, and 1940’s before moving to Quincy .
During our drives in his spotless cab St Clair and I would listen to radio sports events and talk shows, or jazz and on Sunday “Jammin Joe Jackson’s” Carribean music show on WILD. We shared a musician’s love for music as the universal language , but both being in our late forties neither of us cared for the music or language of rap. “Oh, Lord”, he’d laugh,”I can’t take much of that!” Eating quick lunches in the front seat of the cab or at “The King’s” ( Burger King) we would talk about work, world happenings ,health ,our childhoods, families and plans. He told me he hoped to buy a home right here in the city , in the community and with the people he knew and cared about. St Clair knew every street by heart and so often as we drove through the neighborhoods he’d roll down his window and exchange salutes and greetings with so many people , young and old. From his own taxi business, driving for ITOA, running a small store for a time, auto body work with his great friend Roderick, helping with youth center dances ,being “The Captain” of the Jammers Community Steel Band, maintaining and improving the Geneva Ave. “pan yard” and being a star player in the annual Carribean Carnival – it seemed he knew almost everyone in the neighborhood and almost every one knew St Clair. They all knew him as a friendly and caring gentleman. So many benefitted from his generosity and kindness.
St Clair exemplified in his everyday life the basis of the Golden Rule- treat all others and their loved ones as considerately and humanely as you wish yourself and your family to be treated. Everyone was better for their contact with him. He was truly a man of quiet but profound dignity, respectfulness and responsibility. St Clair taught me what it really means to come to America from a far-off country , and to struggle for “the good life” for oneself and one’s family- and how much more difficult that is and has always been to do for a black man. He’d often say with a shake of his head, but not a trace of bitterness,”You think it’s easy?- It not easy!” Yet he had an ease and grace about him always. He had such a peaceful and good nature.
When he was discharged form the hospital just days ago he left a message on my home answering machine that was a heartfelt treasure: “Mike man , this is St Clair –thanks to you and your wife for helping with the boys and for coming to sse me in the hospital …I’m home…I love you buddy.” When I last saw him at home just a week ago, he kept saying, “I’m feeling good and strong.” Loving , good and strong- that was St Clair and his life.
As we all cherish St Clair for his devotion to family and friends, his thankful family and friends will remain dedicated to his beloved Cookie, Kareem and Malcolm. Reunited with his beloved parents, St Clair’s body will rest at home in Trinidad, but his joyful ,harmonious and loving spirit will always be at home in our hearts.
Thank you St Clair…
From your grateful and loving buddy,
Mike
Our Best Friend Dennis
Celebrating Dennis, Our Beloved Best Friend - June16,2007
Cyndy and I began to write this on the plane homeward bound on June 2nd,but we began to live it 25 years ago.
Brenda&Dennis & Cyndy&Mike that’s how it’s been for 25 wonderful years, since Brenda and Cyndy became instant personal and professional partners that first day of the Nurse Practitioner program at Northeastern in 1981. Dennis and I met soon after and it’s really been love and laughter ever since, just a magical, unique four-way true friendship. There is a picture on Dennis’ bedside table of the 4 of us at Logan Airport on our way to or from one of our shared adventures. What a joyous and precious journey we have shared. Sometime before we met, I had written a song called “Friends Upon the Road” with the lyrics “wonders come and wonders go – it’s a real life magic show” –our journey together truly was. Early on Dennis would sum up each experience-“That was most enjoyable!”- and it was!!!! There are hundreds of “you had to be there to understand” moments, and we were there…but we can share some highlights.
England And Wales- After a week of touring historical, culinary and sheep farm pursuits (special for Brenda) we decided to keep the car and have a leisurely drive to the airport. Giving ourselves adequate time, we got lost and stopped to get directions several times only to get totally lost again. Finally, we saw a police station- Dennis ran in and moments later ran out. The officer in charge at the desk told Dennis ,”the English are notorious for giving bad directions - only get directions from “uniformed personnel! ” So Dennis declared, “We’re all set now – (I was driving) . ..take a left, a right and a left” -and we drove right into a dead end stone wall!! We finally found a sign for the correct route, and with clock ticking Dennis would declare- “You have no more chances to get lost and it’s time for sidewalk driving!” We were laughing hysterically (a couple alone might have been very anxiously arguing. ) This was before cell phones; travel arrangements were much less flexible. If we missed the flight, we could not get another for a week, have to pay for another , would miss work which we could not afford- this was tense! Getting down to the wire we got to the car rental, explained our predicament to the manager, an attendant drove us 100mph (really!) to the adjacent airline terminal …we jumped out with our bags and ran as fast as we could to the gate with only moments to spare… and our flight had been delayed for 3 hours!!!! We were huffing and puffing and laughing- and ready for many more trips!
The Bike Trip to Portugal –definitely our most memorable and most quoted exploit for the degree of difficulty/teamwork/enjoyment ratio. Great people, scenery and food, but Portugal is definitely not a bicycling country. We only saw 4 other bikes in the first week; we brought 4 ourselves so that equaled 8 in Lisbon, a city of 4 million people! We chanced upon a wonderful and empathetic travel guide named Joao Carmona so helpful with our questions- “Can you get there by bike?” Answer- “It was hell on a motorcycle!” Or “They put a man on the moon!” One Portuguese doctor we conversed with , finding out we were riding our bikes in Lisbon – which is just like riding through Manhattan at rush hour commented- “Biking in Lisbon is for the crazies!” The four of us in various combinations tackled every problem with common sense, laughter and teamwork and looked back constantly at this as one of our best trips.
Italy- It was August ,“Il inferno”, but we had amazing food and wine in an outdoor restaurant in Castle Gandolfo, the Pope’s summer residence . Dennis kept asking, “I wonder if the Pope will show up, and what will he order?” We bought picnic food across from the Colisseum and marveled that the building had been standing for 20 lifetimes…a lesson on our individual place in time.
We Chartered a sailboat in the Virgin Islands with Capt Karen – so beautiful and relaxing , crystal water and fabulous snorkeling …schools of fish so plentiful and fanciful we could hear each other laughing underwater in astonishment.
The Switzerland Bike Trip- this time in luxury …inn to inn around the Lake with a van to haul our packs. Then we drove up through Germany to Amsterdam and met our friend Bob for the magnificent Ver Meer exhibit.
The California Coast RV trip- with Mimi and Sal …descending the Nasciemento Pass to our favorite Kirk Creek camp ground on Big Sur ,where the mountains meet the Pacific …Exquisite natural beauty! …Also on that trip another kind of beauty –supposedly. We checked out the much touted hot mud baths in Calistoga…the “mud attendant “ went on and on about the “therapeutic value of purging out the body’s toxins in the healing mud”. Dennis looking on incredulously asked, “How do you get the last persons toxins out of the mud before I get in?…How do you clean mud?” And the “mud attendant” warned, “Just be careful not to touch the bottom; you might get burned.” The four of us looking at the tub of bubbling , filthy mud in a barn like shed ,with hoses coming in and out of it …and it’s only $75 each…We whispered to each other- “ I don’t think so! – this is too much like a real pig pen!” We backed out of the shed , jumped in our car laughing so hard we had to pull off the road!
The Condo Years- Dennis bought in to this investment in North Conway without even seeing it- that’s how much he trusted us. Turns out the name of the builder’s company was “Dirt Cheap Productions”! We had a few issues lets say, but Brenda and Dennis got on the condo board and the problems got worked through. Dennis was our “tenants in common” treasurer and every month he‘d have Brenda leave a message on our answering machine- “The figure for the month is…” We stated in our rental ad “Mount Washington will be yours” and Mount Washington Valley was truly ours with countless adventures including biking encounters with a moose one day and a bear the next! We had 16 years of perfect partnership , never a disagreement, and so much fun! You can take that to the Better Business Bureau as a model.
Music – We are honorary soul sisters and brothers so of course we were disciples of James Brown and his catalogue of master works: For Motivation- “Get Up Offa That Thing”, For Inpiration- “Goodness Sakes –Look at Those Cakes!” For Education- “Papa Don’t Take No Mess”. And for Elation, of course- “I Feel Good!”
We were also appreciators and imitators of Sammie Davis Jr, saying frequently in Sammie tones- “You’re a Beautiful Man, Man” and “Don’t ever Change!”
Laughter- we’d match mental libraries for pop cultural trivial pursuit – One time Cyndy and Dennis had an impossible mind meld with Pictionary, famous singers category. Brenda and I just shook our heads as Cyndy drew a circle and Dennis came up with “Al Jolson”…Dennis and I could go on and on about 3 Stooges episodes and sayings ,candy bar and snack food commercials, old TV shows and Oldies but Goodies songs and lyrics.
A unique laugh was The “Baby Me” Episode. There was an ad in Parade Magazine- “send in your newborn or toddlers picture and we will superimpose it on an adorable doll for the cherished memory of a lifetime”. But they never saw anything like this in Parade- Dennis’ 40 year old face, complete with those big glasses and moustache! When our Joe went to pick it up at Osco the photo dept worker looked askance at him wondering what was up, and when it was presented to Dennis to celebrate his birthday the response was “WOW”- that is WOW !” Dennis laughing said- “Don’t you ever let my mother see this!”
Dennis and Gifts- and wrapping – He was a connoisseur! He could give, and receive and could he ever bask in the glow of a well wrapped gift!- What a gift he himself was.
And a POET- as he wrote a lovely, treasured poem for our 30th Wedding Anniversary in 1999 with references to The Beatles’ “All You Need is Love” , and “Shower the People You Love with Love” by James Taylor.
Fitness- Having achieved distinction in the “All You Can Eat Olympics” many years running, while in Quincy he went on a very disciplined regime of diet and exercise and lost considerable weight…He would often jokingly ask- “When you lose weight –where does it go? And will it find you again?” Now, that guy could cook and eat but the weight never did find him again. He was justifiably proud of his times in road races like Falmouth, various bike fundraisers like the Diabetes Ride to P-Town. He could sweat for a good cause, and ask only for a hot shower afterwards.
Wise Counsel- When our Joe, now almost 37 and also one of Dennis’ friends since the age of 12 (Dennis befriended all of our kids and likewise) ,well when Joe was being a wild teen, and we were worried , Dennis would say, ”He’s a great kid; he’ll get over it and you will get through it. He’ll be fine. Hey when I was a Senior in High School my friends and I used to make crank calls to get the school shut down to get out of class, all kinds of wild stuff, and I turned out OK- didn’t I? Well didn’t I??”
Talk- As the announcement proclaimed Dennis “could talk to a statue”. He had a genuine gift of gab. In Italy after a rigorous and very full day of exploring we met some folks by the swimming pool. Too tired for more banter the rest of us headed for bed and left Dennis, wine glass in hand chatting away ,and we laughed that he’d probably still be talking to them when the sun came up – and we were not even sure they spoke English! He had a genuine , seemingly inexhaustible interest in others , the details and concerns of their lives.
Dennis and Work- He was carpenter- - With pride he would say, “ I helped build that house where those people live and make a home” He helped with our beach stairs and Joe and Chris’s home.) Whether carpentry, sales or computers he was exact, skillful and conscientious. I just came across a paper I did in nursing school for a computer course in 1990 “DMc –Computer Management Services.” My conclusion- “If you have a problem with you PC ,call DMc ,and he’ll probably be your best friend too!”
Priorities- for Dennis it was up early, very early like 4:30AM, to get to State Street start at 7AM work through lunch and get home to Brenda as soon and as much as possible.
Y2K- He worked extra for travel and fine wine , gourmet dining and party money. On December 31, 1999 a special gathering of family and friends overlooking Onset Bay counted down from the 20th to the 21st century , a bit nervous and apprehensive. Would all the computers fail and then the world we have built upon them? Dennis assured us – “I worked out all the computer bugs- and besides I have to spend that extra money! He was right; the world went on, and we had a lesson to be ever hopeful for the future.
And speaking of Onset- “The Love Shack” - the world’s best and only bed and breakfast trailer! 4 years there and 7 on Saltmarsh Lane- with such an amazing array of friends they gathered around and who gather today. What an example of truly belonging to a community, all too rare and so needed today.
Dennis was both a “Ladies Man “ and a “Man’s Man” and sometimes when it came to dirt and insects, a little bit of a “Girlie Man” – but always he was a real man, a complete man.
Book Club Men’s Auxiliary- For over 16 years Brenda and her circle of reading sisters , the “Book Bags”, have been meeting monthly. Most of them are here- Cyndy, Mimi, Bev, Ann, -Marge is in spirit. With Dennis we formed the Men’s Auxiliary- Sal, Gerry and sometimes Tom. Too lazy to read a book monthly , we’d go to some “guy’s testosterone powered ,action adventure ,explosion, and special effects over the top blockbuster” which the more literate and sensible woman would never want to see. After coming out of yet another such waste of time and money film, we decided like the “new age sensitive males” we really were, to just go out and share a meal and talk, hardly ever about sports, mostly about family ,world events and all too often the political misadventures of our misleaders- concluding always grateful for our portion of the good, peaceful and free life. At the end of the meal we’d always hand the bill to Dennis who, taking off his glasses and no matter how much he had to squint to read the bill, he figured it out fair and square and generous to the server.
Devotion to family and friends- …to Jean his Mom; he promised his Dad who died at age 56 , he would care for her and has so well with Brenda’ support and expertise.
At State Street , he cared so tenderly for his young friend Corkie and grieved his premature death so profoundly with a resolve to live ever more fully. What an example for all of us.
Dennis was always there to comfort us in our sorrows.
Mostly it has been joy! So many of us were there at Brenda and Dennis’ Wedding in Hummarock, June 14th 1986, 21years ago…that sweet ceremony on the beach house porch and an “Alleluia Chorus “ to begin the reception celebration. Their theme from the Harry Chapin song- “Yes I let time go lightly with you ,and a fire and a friend or two, a friend or two and you.” And it’s been that way ever since.
It seemed that with every trip or experience a catch phrase, often hilarious, would emerge and the last time we were together in Province Town it was, “You Know You Want To!” That’s a friendly reminder to us to do what matters most in our hearts and spirits. Don’t postpone joys or dreams; Dennis and Brenda never did.
Life Philosophy- We had many discussions about living life to the fullest, because we do not know exactly what happens after life, only what happens before. The most important question is not ” Is there life after death, but “is there life before death” and what kind of life? From the news we would discuss so many instances of man’s inhumanity or irrationality. It makes one question the “all mighty, all knowing Oz/ or whoever is behind the curtain.” Our answer ,with respect for everyone’s beliefs, is simple- to live each day grateful, helpful, joyful and loving. We shared the essential values, to live a life of peace and compassion for our planet and its people.
Brenda- as Dennis would often say ,she is the most generous, caring and loving person; she has done so much for so many in times of suffering and loss, the ultimate practitioner of nursing and healing. She has already been reaching out to comfort us, her family and friends. We can’t “get over this”, but we can live through it together. We used to joke about a scene in the documentary “Monterrey Pop” about that 1967 musical festival. Stephen Still is all decked out in a bizarre fur vest and bell bottomed groovy regalia, reacting to some between song confrontation, he shouts out, “ I tried to love him out of it ,man!” We’d laughingly quote that line in times of stress and strain. We can hear Dennis encourage us now saying, ”You’ll love your way out of this too!”
Brenda& Dennis and Cyndy &I were last together May 24th at their lovely home, toured their bountiful and well tended gardens, shared Thai food, nice wine, the (our) political satire of John Stewart and The Colbert Report, laughing together as always. Dennis sent us off with a bottle of champagne, some of Debby’s tuna from Oman, hugs and kisses and I love you’s all around. We hoisted ourselves up into Joe’s truck. As we pulled away Dennis waved goodbye with that endearing , whimsical smile of his, he waved and he turned to walk back inside with Brenda. And we waved as we set off for home…
Again from Dennis’ favorite , Harry Chapin-
“All my life’s a circle;
But I can’t tell you why;
Seasons spinning round again;
The years keep rolling by.
As I find you here again;
A thought runs through my mind:
Our love is like a circle
Let’s go round one more time.”
We will always be encircled by the laughter and love Dennis shared with us.
Dennis- You will always be a beautiful man, man.
Your spirit will never change.
We will always be together, the 4 of us, all of us.
And “Like a dream without an end,
We will someday meet again,
Best Friends Upon the Road”…
Cyndy and I began to write this on the plane homeward bound on June 2nd,but we began to live it 25 years ago.
Brenda&Dennis & Cyndy&Mike that’s how it’s been for 25 wonderful years, since Brenda and Cyndy became instant personal and professional partners that first day of the Nurse Practitioner program at Northeastern in 1981. Dennis and I met soon after and it’s really been love and laughter ever since, just a magical, unique four-way true friendship. There is a picture on Dennis’ bedside table of the 4 of us at Logan Airport on our way to or from one of our shared adventures. What a joyous and precious journey we have shared. Sometime before we met, I had written a song called “Friends Upon the Road” with the lyrics “wonders come and wonders go – it’s a real life magic show” –our journey together truly was. Early on Dennis would sum up each experience-“That was most enjoyable!”- and it was!!!! There are hundreds of “you had to be there to understand” moments, and we were there…but we can share some highlights.
England And Wales- After a week of touring historical, culinary and sheep farm pursuits (special for Brenda) we decided to keep the car and have a leisurely drive to the airport. Giving ourselves adequate time, we got lost and stopped to get directions several times only to get totally lost again. Finally, we saw a police station- Dennis ran in and moments later ran out. The officer in charge at the desk told Dennis ,”the English are notorious for giving bad directions - only get directions from “uniformed personnel! ” So Dennis declared, “We’re all set now – (I was driving) . ..take a left, a right and a left” -and we drove right into a dead end stone wall!! We finally found a sign for the correct route, and with clock ticking Dennis would declare- “You have no more chances to get lost and it’s time for sidewalk driving!” We were laughing hysterically (a couple alone might have been very anxiously arguing. ) This was before cell phones; travel arrangements were much less flexible. If we missed the flight, we could not get another for a week, have to pay for another , would miss work which we could not afford- this was tense! Getting down to the wire we got to the car rental, explained our predicament to the manager, an attendant drove us 100mph (really!) to the adjacent airline terminal …we jumped out with our bags and ran as fast as we could to the gate with only moments to spare… and our flight had been delayed for 3 hours!!!! We were huffing and puffing and laughing- and ready for many more trips!
The Bike Trip to Portugal –definitely our most memorable and most quoted exploit for the degree of difficulty/teamwork/enjoyment ratio. Great people, scenery and food, but Portugal is definitely not a bicycling country. We only saw 4 other bikes in the first week; we brought 4 ourselves so that equaled 8 in Lisbon, a city of 4 million people! We chanced upon a wonderful and empathetic travel guide named Joao Carmona so helpful with our questions- “Can you get there by bike?” Answer- “It was hell on a motorcycle!” Or “They put a man on the moon!” One Portuguese doctor we conversed with , finding out we were riding our bikes in Lisbon – which is just like riding through Manhattan at rush hour commented- “Biking in Lisbon is for the crazies!” The four of us in various combinations tackled every problem with common sense, laughter and teamwork and looked back constantly at this as one of our best trips.
Italy- It was August ,“Il inferno”, but we had amazing food and wine in an outdoor restaurant in Castle Gandolfo, the Pope’s summer residence . Dennis kept asking, “I wonder if the Pope will show up, and what will he order?” We bought picnic food across from the Colisseum and marveled that the building had been standing for 20 lifetimes…a lesson on our individual place in time.
We Chartered a sailboat in the Virgin Islands with Capt Karen – so beautiful and relaxing , crystal water and fabulous snorkeling …schools of fish so plentiful and fanciful we could hear each other laughing underwater in astonishment.
The Switzerland Bike Trip- this time in luxury …inn to inn around the Lake with a van to haul our packs. Then we drove up through Germany to Amsterdam and met our friend Bob for the magnificent Ver Meer exhibit.
The California Coast RV trip- with Mimi and Sal …descending the Nasciemento Pass to our favorite Kirk Creek camp ground on Big Sur ,where the mountains meet the Pacific …Exquisite natural beauty! …Also on that trip another kind of beauty –supposedly. We checked out the much touted hot mud baths in Calistoga…the “mud attendant “ went on and on about the “therapeutic value of purging out the body’s toxins in the healing mud”. Dennis looking on incredulously asked, “How do you get the last persons toxins out of the mud before I get in?…How do you clean mud?” And the “mud attendant” warned, “Just be careful not to touch the bottom; you might get burned.” The four of us looking at the tub of bubbling , filthy mud in a barn like shed ,with hoses coming in and out of it …and it’s only $75 each…We whispered to each other- “ I don’t think so! – this is too much like a real pig pen!” We backed out of the shed , jumped in our car laughing so hard we had to pull off the road!
The Condo Years- Dennis bought in to this investment in North Conway without even seeing it- that’s how much he trusted us. Turns out the name of the builder’s company was “Dirt Cheap Productions”! We had a few issues lets say, but Brenda and Dennis got on the condo board and the problems got worked through. Dennis was our “tenants in common” treasurer and every month he‘d have Brenda leave a message on our answering machine- “The figure for the month is…” We stated in our rental ad “Mount Washington will be yours” and Mount Washington Valley was truly ours with countless adventures including biking encounters with a moose one day and a bear the next! We had 16 years of perfect partnership , never a disagreement, and so much fun! You can take that to the Better Business Bureau as a model.
Music – We are honorary soul sisters and brothers so of course we were disciples of James Brown and his catalogue of master works: For Motivation- “Get Up Offa That Thing”, For Inpiration- “Goodness Sakes –Look at Those Cakes!” For Education- “Papa Don’t Take No Mess”. And for Elation, of course- “I Feel Good!”
We were also appreciators and imitators of Sammie Davis Jr, saying frequently in Sammie tones- “You’re a Beautiful Man, Man” and “Don’t ever Change!”
Laughter- we’d match mental libraries for pop cultural trivial pursuit – One time Cyndy and Dennis had an impossible mind meld with Pictionary, famous singers category. Brenda and I just shook our heads as Cyndy drew a circle and Dennis came up with “Al Jolson”…Dennis and I could go on and on about 3 Stooges episodes and sayings ,candy bar and snack food commercials, old TV shows and Oldies but Goodies songs and lyrics.
A unique laugh was The “Baby Me” Episode. There was an ad in Parade Magazine- “send in your newborn or toddlers picture and we will superimpose it on an adorable doll for the cherished memory of a lifetime”. But they never saw anything like this in Parade- Dennis’ 40 year old face, complete with those big glasses and moustache! When our Joe went to pick it up at Osco the photo dept worker looked askance at him wondering what was up, and when it was presented to Dennis to celebrate his birthday the response was “WOW”- that is WOW !” Dennis laughing said- “Don’t you ever let my mother see this!”
Dennis and Gifts- and wrapping – He was a connoisseur! He could give, and receive and could he ever bask in the glow of a well wrapped gift!- What a gift he himself was.
And a POET- as he wrote a lovely, treasured poem for our 30th Wedding Anniversary in 1999 with references to The Beatles’ “All You Need is Love” , and “Shower the People You Love with Love” by James Taylor.
Fitness- Having achieved distinction in the “All You Can Eat Olympics” many years running, while in Quincy he went on a very disciplined regime of diet and exercise and lost considerable weight…He would often jokingly ask- “When you lose weight –where does it go? And will it find you again?” Now, that guy could cook and eat but the weight never did find him again. He was justifiably proud of his times in road races like Falmouth, various bike fundraisers like the Diabetes Ride to P-Town. He could sweat for a good cause, and ask only for a hot shower afterwards.
Wise Counsel- When our Joe, now almost 37 and also one of Dennis’ friends since the age of 12 (Dennis befriended all of our kids and likewise) ,well when Joe was being a wild teen, and we were worried , Dennis would say, ”He’s a great kid; he’ll get over it and you will get through it. He’ll be fine. Hey when I was a Senior in High School my friends and I used to make crank calls to get the school shut down to get out of class, all kinds of wild stuff, and I turned out OK- didn’t I? Well didn’t I??”
Talk- As the announcement proclaimed Dennis “could talk to a statue”. He had a genuine gift of gab. In Italy after a rigorous and very full day of exploring we met some folks by the swimming pool. Too tired for more banter the rest of us headed for bed and left Dennis, wine glass in hand chatting away ,and we laughed that he’d probably still be talking to them when the sun came up – and we were not even sure they spoke English! He had a genuine , seemingly inexhaustible interest in others , the details and concerns of their lives.
Dennis and Work- He was carpenter- - With pride he would say, “ I helped build that house where those people live and make a home” He helped with our beach stairs and Joe and Chris’s home.) Whether carpentry, sales or computers he was exact, skillful and conscientious. I just came across a paper I did in nursing school for a computer course in 1990 “DMc –Computer Management Services.” My conclusion- “If you have a problem with you PC ,call DMc ,and he’ll probably be your best friend too!”
Priorities- for Dennis it was up early, very early like 4:30AM, to get to State Street start at 7AM work through lunch and get home to Brenda as soon and as much as possible.
Y2K- He worked extra for travel and fine wine , gourmet dining and party money. On December 31, 1999 a special gathering of family and friends overlooking Onset Bay counted down from the 20th to the 21st century , a bit nervous and apprehensive. Would all the computers fail and then the world we have built upon them? Dennis assured us – “I worked out all the computer bugs- and besides I have to spend that extra money! He was right; the world went on, and we had a lesson to be ever hopeful for the future.
And speaking of Onset- “The Love Shack” - the world’s best and only bed and breakfast trailer! 4 years there and 7 on Saltmarsh Lane- with such an amazing array of friends they gathered around and who gather today. What an example of truly belonging to a community, all too rare and so needed today.
Dennis was both a “Ladies Man “ and a “Man’s Man” and sometimes when it came to dirt and insects, a little bit of a “Girlie Man” – but always he was a real man, a complete man.
Book Club Men’s Auxiliary- For over 16 years Brenda and her circle of reading sisters , the “Book Bags”, have been meeting monthly. Most of them are here- Cyndy, Mimi, Bev, Ann, -Marge is in spirit. With Dennis we formed the Men’s Auxiliary- Sal, Gerry and sometimes Tom. Too lazy to read a book monthly , we’d go to some “guy’s testosterone powered ,action adventure ,explosion, and special effects over the top blockbuster” which the more literate and sensible woman would never want to see. After coming out of yet another such waste of time and money film, we decided like the “new age sensitive males” we really were, to just go out and share a meal and talk, hardly ever about sports, mostly about family ,world events and all too often the political misadventures of our misleaders- concluding always grateful for our portion of the good, peaceful and free life. At the end of the meal we’d always hand the bill to Dennis who, taking off his glasses and no matter how much he had to squint to read the bill, he figured it out fair and square and generous to the server.
Devotion to family and friends- …to Jean his Mom; he promised his Dad who died at age 56 , he would care for her and has so well with Brenda’ support and expertise.
At State Street , he cared so tenderly for his young friend Corkie and grieved his premature death so profoundly with a resolve to live ever more fully. What an example for all of us.
Dennis was always there to comfort us in our sorrows.
Mostly it has been joy! So many of us were there at Brenda and Dennis’ Wedding in Hummarock, June 14th 1986, 21years ago…that sweet ceremony on the beach house porch and an “Alleluia Chorus “ to begin the reception celebration. Their theme from the Harry Chapin song- “Yes I let time go lightly with you ,and a fire and a friend or two, a friend or two and you.” And it’s been that way ever since.
It seemed that with every trip or experience a catch phrase, often hilarious, would emerge and the last time we were together in Province Town it was, “You Know You Want To!” That’s a friendly reminder to us to do what matters most in our hearts and spirits. Don’t postpone joys or dreams; Dennis and Brenda never did.
Life Philosophy- We had many discussions about living life to the fullest, because we do not know exactly what happens after life, only what happens before. The most important question is not ” Is there life after death, but “is there life before death” and what kind of life? From the news we would discuss so many instances of man’s inhumanity or irrationality. It makes one question the “all mighty, all knowing Oz/ or whoever is behind the curtain.” Our answer ,with respect for everyone’s beliefs, is simple- to live each day grateful, helpful, joyful and loving. We shared the essential values, to live a life of peace and compassion for our planet and its people.
Brenda- as Dennis would often say ,she is the most generous, caring and loving person; she has done so much for so many in times of suffering and loss, the ultimate practitioner of nursing and healing. She has already been reaching out to comfort us, her family and friends. We can’t “get over this”, but we can live through it together. We used to joke about a scene in the documentary “Monterrey Pop” about that 1967 musical festival. Stephen Still is all decked out in a bizarre fur vest and bell bottomed groovy regalia, reacting to some between song confrontation, he shouts out, “ I tried to love him out of it ,man!” We’d laughingly quote that line in times of stress and strain. We can hear Dennis encourage us now saying, ”You’ll love your way out of this too!”
Brenda& Dennis and Cyndy &I were last together May 24th at their lovely home, toured their bountiful and well tended gardens, shared Thai food, nice wine, the (our) political satire of John Stewart and The Colbert Report, laughing together as always. Dennis sent us off with a bottle of champagne, some of Debby’s tuna from Oman, hugs and kisses and I love you’s all around. We hoisted ourselves up into Joe’s truck. As we pulled away Dennis waved goodbye with that endearing , whimsical smile of his, he waved and he turned to walk back inside with Brenda. And we waved as we set off for home…
Again from Dennis’ favorite , Harry Chapin-
“All my life’s a circle;
But I can’t tell you why;
Seasons spinning round again;
The years keep rolling by.
As I find you here again;
A thought runs through my mind:
Our love is like a circle
Let’s go round one more time.”
We will always be encircled by the laughter and love Dennis shared with us.
Dennis- You will always be a beautiful man, man.
Your spirit will never change.
We will always be together, the 4 of us, all of us.
And “Like a dream without an end,
We will someday meet again,
Best Friends Upon the Road”…
Pat Cotter -his and our story
A Tribute to Pat/Dad- June 20,2002 and always...
Let’s all take a deep breath and relax... I recently heard that Winston Churchill got up to deliver the commencement address at a prestigious Ivy League college, came to the microphone and stated ,“Ladies and Gentlemen -”Never Give Up!” Three words and he sat down. I won’t follow suit, but you will be greatly relieved to know I have trimmed my eulogy from the original hour length to something shorter...
Every person’s life is a story- unique, incomparable, precious, and priceless -a gift shared with family, friends, the world. Speaking for us all I’ll try to give voice to Pat Cotter’s story and gift.
Two anecdotes are a very funny and meaningful starting place. Unlike many other males, Pat was willing to seek healing for life’s heartaches. I tried to be his healthcare interpreter/facilitator and so we sat with a very empathetic psychiatrist who as part of the evaluation handed Dad a pencil and paper and asked him to write a sentence. I kept quiet and wondered to myself if he remembered or even ever knew what a sentence was.... I don’t think I had ever seen him write one, only seen him make lists or sign his name. Pat took the paper and pencil, paused a moment and began to write and I knew in a flash what he wrote, and I was right. The psychiatrist took the paper and read Pat’s perfect sentence- “What am I doing here? ”On another occasion he stayed in the car while I ran in to pick up medications and I left him a Boston Globe magazine to read, an interview with Loretta LaRoche, about her work with humor and healing. I don’t know if he actually read it, but when I returned to the car and asked him what the point of the article was, he immediately answered with a half statement, half question- “We’re all human?’...Pat was an inadvertent existentialist, voicing the fundamental question and answer.. mostly we are here, just being the best humans we can be.. a man, a husband, a father, a brother, a neighbor ,a friend, a member of the community, country, the world.
Pat’s story is a weaving of the past and recent present.. Bernard Patrick (that’s Pat) Cotter was born on St.Patrick’s day, March 17,1923 in Roxbury. He grew up around Dudley Station selling Father Coughlin’s Social Justice, cleaning cars for change and shagging coffee and donuts for the guys at a Dudley Square battery shop, hence the nick-name “Donuts” (hence his life long affinity for them) His Dad, a truck driver passed away when Pat was 13,but somehow Mother Margaret, brothers Jimmy, Billy and sister Niddy persevered together. Dad spoke of the Glenwood AC= Athletic club...neighborhood friends (“Bummy “ King,the Dunns...- Malcolm Taylor and George Abyssinian his black friends.. “People were people”, he’d say, “we hung out together, went to school together, worked together - we lived together, whatever the race or religion.” I never recall hearing Pat Cotter make a prejudiced comment and I will never forget back in 1968 during a very heated public meeting to discuss having the Metco bussing program bring a single bus of Black student volunteers to Quincy Schools to foster interracial communication and understanding -this met with a great deal of public hostility and opposition - Pat stood up at the microphone in front of the crowd of 1,000 and declared “Give the program and the kids a chance.. When we wanted to come into this community from Roxbury, Dorchester, South Boston or wherever, nobody stood in our way and everyone deserves to have the opportunity we had.” Just recently from his sickbed he remarked-”WE should not argue or fight“... words for us and our ailing world to keep in heart and mind.
As a member of the “Greatest Generation” and that designation is the truth, not just a popular cliche, he served in the Army Field Artillery in the Pacific Islands and Japan. On March 23 of this year, after Joe and Chris’s wonderful wedding on Kauaii - Pat could not be there because of his health, I visited the Arizona Memorial at Pearl Harbor...an awesomely powerful reminder that the fate of human freedom literally depended upon that generation and they triumphed due to their extraordinary dedication and sacrifice. I brought him back a flag pin as a momento ; it’s on his lapel today. I recall that while on Oahu during the war Pat was riding in a troop truck which collided head on with a bus; the soldier next to him was killed instantly, but he saw it coming ,threw himself on the floor of the truck , and thanks to his quick reflexes and luck he survived. We would not be here today if his comrades and he had not prevailed. I am reminded of that theme in the film “It’s a Wonderful Life”- what the world would have been like without George Bailey- how can we imagine a world that did not have Pat.
On April 19, 1949,Patriot’s Day, Mom and Dad married. Many of us were together to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary on April 19,1999 as Uncle Sam read greetings from city, state, The White House and a Vatican blessing. There are wonderful pictures and memories...Pat laughed heartily. The term “paroxysm of laughter “ described him when he really laughed until speechless with tears running down his cheeks. He tried on Sam’s star-spangled hat and saluted us. That was a wonderful Cotter family testimonial and Dad has always been a family man, a father. Another of his verbal gems- I remember as a teenager replying to one of his suggestions in a less than sweet, slightly sarcastic tone -”That’s a great idea Dad!” to which he shot back in a heart beat, and I’ll never forget “You were one of my great ideas Michael...” He and Mom had four more great ideas- Kevin, Rick, Bill and best of all Mary. We have never doubted that Mom and he loved us each uniquely, individually and unconditionally ,with such tenderness and forgiveness. Another anecdote- I was driving Pat home from dialysis, passing through Quincy Square. I was saying how some grown up children have troubled relationships with their parents because of their parents alcoholism, abuse, neglect etc.- that cycle of hurt so many have painfully experienced and repeated. And I said to Dad, as I had at other times before-”Dad, I just want to tell you again what a great father you have always been to me Kev, Rick, Bill and Mary. His reply? “All right -we shan’t speak of it again!” He said some amazingly funny and poignant things which I am going to write up for our family’s private treasury -but really his actions always spoke loudest throughout our childhood. While Mom held the fort as homemaker, for 25 years Pat had an occupation that has all but disappeared - a milkman for Whiting’s Milk-up by 4:30 A M - 5, 6,and for a time 7 days a week, bounding up stairs two at a time with a carrier full of dairy products doing home delivery or jumping up and down off the back of a loaded truck, pulling and stacking cases and wheeling them into stores ,very hard physical work in every kind of weather. We all got a taste of it , going along as his helper, even Mary. How much milk do you have to sell to pay for 60 plus years of parochial elementary and high school? Pat figured it out and did it. He had a real zest for this work, really enjoyed the sociability and wheeling -dealing of the job- and the union, more on that in a moment. There was such a cast of characters and stories over those years. Like how he showed up for the first delivery at Brigham’s in Wellesley with a co-worker’s jacket with the name “Tom” emblazoned on it The staff greeted him every time over the next ten years as” Tom” even though his own jackets read Pat. They never asked, and he never told .I’d get into the truck after the delivery and say “where to now, Tom?”
Where to? As kids we had some amazing travel adventures, extraordinary for the 1950’s and 1960’s. Mom says Dad was the impetus, very spontaneous preparations and we were on the road, the four boys in the back seat, Mom and Mary in front with Pat driving forever, the car absolutely jam packed with borrowed army blankets and a tent a coleman stove and coolers of food. We camped in Canada and across the USA, had luxurious motel trips to NYC and DC. How many times did he call out the window with a “hiyo” to get directions: how much did these adventures form our future directions and destinations! In later years he enjoyed trips to Greece and Italy (3 times), but most especially that golden spot on Island Pond in NH.
Pat was on the one hand a very private man who lived for his family, but he also took some very public actions. He held various elected positions in Teamsters Local 380 and served as President for eighteen years. Why? He was a true union worker and union leader; he believed in honest organized labor, the movement that brought fair wages, decent working conditions, benefits and a voice for each one based on the unity of everyone. Likewise he was a loyal Democrat because he knew from life experience that despite all its faults it was and always will be the political party that brings the most power and prosperity to the most people ,and the people who need it most. He also saw a need in his neighborhood for youth recreation and for a time directed the Koch Club community basketball league for the kids of Hough's Neck. Pat loved kids of all stages and ages- he was enthralled by the magic of newborns, made merry by the wonder of toddlers...he had great affection for his family by marriage, especially his many nephews and nieces- and we Cotter kids have cherished ,childhood memories of times shared with our uncles, aunts and cousins, especially the Maguires, Ingrahams, Flynns and Wynns.
Favorite saying- “Oh’my God, No!”(or Yes!) We would laugh at his seemingly automatic response, but his faith was measured in deeds all his life - especially with such powerful resolve and respect as when so disabled , he recently attended the funerals of his friend Charlie Dedian and my other beloved father, Bob Roche. He and they were Godly, mighty men!
Favorite song-”Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head” and also opera, Pavoratti, Domingo, Carreras (He was a true supporter of a band called “ Sea Bright” and the lyrical philosophy “a good word, a smile, a helping hand will just make somebody’s day!”)
Favorite Movie- “The Sound of Music” tied with “The Wizard of Oz” (“There’s no place like home!”-and since 1956 we have shared such a special home/neighborhood at 16 Peterson Road,”The Willows”,just at the beginning of Houghs Neck,on Quincy Bay ... we will escort Pat past his beloved home on the road to his final resting place.
FAVORITE people - for “Bumpa’ his seven grandchildren each uniquely and individually cherished...Joe, Pat, Jess, Alisa, Kate, Lisa and Shawn- his special joy and sidekick. Along with Jaye he should be in the “Grandparents Hall of Fame” for most observation/participation in grandchildren’s church/school/sporting events. One of his last outings in April just out of rehab after a fall, was to watch from the Notre Dame High School hillside in his wheelchair as Lisa played catcher on the softball team and Alisa ran by with the track team.
Throughout the last 3 years as his health deteriorated, I’d ask Dad periodically if he wanted to continue with the array of life prolonging meds, tests and treatments. I would say,” It’s your decision. Do you want to continue with all of this, continue to live ?”...“Yes!”, he declared, “Of course I want to live!” “ Why?” I asked gently. “Because I’m a Catholic, and for the family!” Throughout it all there was still some very funny and sweet humor with statements such as when having a diminished voice at times -”Why is it I have a voice like a mouse?” Or when asked to give some assistance- “Help you? - I couldn‘t help an ant! ”. He needed so much help and received it with grace and gratitude. It has been a struggle, especially the past year, made easier by so many caregivers. Our thanks to all the doctors, nurse practitioners, (first and foremost- always there, truly our Family Nurse Practitioner, Cyndy) therapists, technicians and aides who have shared their skill and compassion at HVMA, B& W Hosp, Faulkner Hosp., Boston Dialysis, and finally Old Colony Hospice and Crestview Nursing Home. The constant and best caregiver has been- Jaye - Mom, in Education you were a Master, just shy of a Doctor, but in caring for Pat you have been a Nurse Extraordinaire every day of these past years. You have been so inspiring as you vowed “in times of sickness“, you brought him your healing love. Dad’s life was a gift to you and us ,and what a blessing and gift that you and each of us Mary, Kevin, Rick, Bill and I and our children could surround him with such love and care - body, heart and soul. His children by marriage Tom, Claire Judy and Cyndy have loved him as a second father with truly amazing patience, nurturing and devotion.
On May 17th while Mom, Mary, Cyndy and I visited Dad along with his beloved sister Niddy and brother in law Jimmy, Dad started talking about seeing what he called “two miracles - one was seeing the whole family together. I said to him yes -the first miracle is that he was born and lived- that he joined his life with Mom’s and in love together they made our family. The second miracle I told him is that the love goes on each day, forever. There is a book entitled “Everything I Needed to Know for Life I learned in Kindergarten” - Dad said some very sweet and powerful things over the past weeks -we could say some of the most important things to live a good life we learned from Pat Cotter... among Dad‘s declarations ..”We have to have better memories.. that this life is too short...we should not argue or fight ..a family is a miracle ..to be together is the best thing ...we are so lucky!” Finally Dad asked the most stirring and fundamental question of all , ”What happened to Pat Cotter?” We told him everyday, in every way, always - Pat Cotter? He lived and loved and will always be remembered and loved , until we are together again...
Let’s all take a deep breath and relax... I recently heard that Winston Churchill got up to deliver the commencement address at a prestigious Ivy League college, came to the microphone and stated ,“Ladies and Gentlemen -”Never Give Up!” Three words and he sat down. I won’t follow suit, but you will be greatly relieved to know I have trimmed my eulogy from the original hour length to something shorter...
Every person’s life is a story- unique, incomparable, precious, and priceless -a gift shared with family, friends, the world. Speaking for us all I’ll try to give voice to Pat Cotter’s story and gift.
Two anecdotes are a very funny and meaningful starting place. Unlike many other males, Pat was willing to seek healing for life’s heartaches. I tried to be his healthcare interpreter/facilitator and so we sat with a very empathetic psychiatrist who as part of the evaluation handed Dad a pencil and paper and asked him to write a sentence. I kept quiet and wondered to myself if he remembered or even ever knew what a sentence was.... I don’t think I had ever seen him write one, only seen him make lists or sign his name. Pat took the paper and pencil, paused a moment and began to write and I knew in a flash what he wrote, and I was right. The psychiatrist took the paper and read Pat’s perfect sentence- “What am I doing here? ”On another occasion he stayed in the car while I ran in to pick up medications and I left him a Boston Globe magazine to read, an interview with Loretta LaRoche, about her work with humor and healing. I don’t know if he actually read it, but when I returned to the car and asked him what the point of the article was, he immediately answered with a half statement, half question- “We’re all human?’...Pat was an inadvertent existentialist, voicing the fundamental question and answer.. mostly we are here, just being the best humans we can be.. a man, a husband, a father, a brother, a neighbor ,a friend, a member of the community, country, the world.
Pat’s story is a weaving of the past and recent present.. Bernard Patrick (that’s Pat) Cotter was born on St.Patrick’s day, March 17,1923 in Roxbury. He grew up around Dudley Station selling Father Coughlin’s Social Justice, cleaning cars for change and shagging coffee and donuts for the guys at a Dudley Square battery shop, hence the nick-name “Donuts” (hence his life long affinity for them) His Dad, a truck driver passed away when Pat was 13,but somehow Mother Margaret, brothers Jimmy, Billy and sister Niddy persevered together. Dad spoke of the Glenwood AC= Athletic club...neighborhood friends (“Bummy “ King,the Dunns...- Malcolm Taylor and George Abyssinian his black friends.. “People were people”, he’d say, “we hung out together, went to school together, worked together - we lived together, whatever the race or religion.” I never recall hearing Pat Cotter make a prejudiced comment and I will never forget back in 1968 during a very heated public meeting to discuss having the Metco bussing program bring a single bus of Black student volunteers to Quincy Schools to foster interracial communication and understanding -this met with a great deal of public hostility and opposition - Pat stood up at the microphone in front of the crowd of 1,000 and declared “Give the program and the kids a chance.. When we wanted to come into this community from Roxbury, Dorchester, South Boston or wherever, nobody stood in our way and everyone deserves to have the opportunity we had.” Just recently from his sickbed he remarked-”WE should not argue or fight“... words for us and our ailing world to keep in heart and mind.
As a member of the “Greatest Generation” and that designation is the truth, not just a popular cliche, he served in the Army Field Artillery in the Pacific Islands and Japan. On March 23 of this year, after Joe and Chris’s wonderful wedding on Kauaii - Pat could not be there because of his health, I visited the Arizona Memorial at Pearl Harbor...an awesomely powerful reminder that the fate of human freedom literally depended upon that generation and they triumphed due to their extraordinary dedication and sacrifice. I brought him back a flag pin as a momento ; it’s on his lapel today. I recall that while on Oahu during the war Pat was riding in a troop truck which collided head on with a bus; the soldier next to him was killed instantly, but he saw it coming ,threw himself on the floor of the truck , and thanks to his quick reflexes and luck he survived. We would not be here today if his comrades and he had not prevailed. I am reminded of that theme in the film “It’s a Wonderful Life”- what the world would have been like without George Bailey- how can we imagine a world that did not have Pat.
On April 19, 1949,Patriot’s Day, Mom and Dad married. Many of us were together to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary on April 19,1999 as Uncle Sam read greetings from city, state, The White House and a Vatican blessing. There are wonderful pictures and memories...Pat laughed heartily. The term “paroxysm of laughter “ described him when he really laughed until speechless with tears running down his cheeks. He tried on Sam’s star-spangled hat and saluted us. That was a wonderful Cotter family testimonial and Dad has always been a family man, a father. Another of his verbal gems- I remember as a teenager replying to one of his suggestions in a less than sweet, slightly sarcastic tone -”That’s a great idea Dad!” to which he shot back in a heart beat, and I’ll never forget “You were one of my great ideas Michael...” He and Mom had four more great ideas- Kevin, Rick, Bill and best of all Mary. We have never doubted that Mom and he loved us each uniquely, individually and unconditionally ,with such tenderness and forgiveness. Another anecdote- I was driving Pat home from dialysis, passing through Quincy Square. I was saying how some grown up children have troubled relationships with their parents because of their parents alcoholism, abuse, neglect etc.- that cycle of hurt so many have painfully experienced and repeated. And I said to Dad, as I had at other times before-”Dad, I just want to tell you again what a great father you have always been to me Kev, Rick, Bill and Mary. His reply? “All right -we shan’t speak of it again!” He said some amazingly funny and poignant things which I am going to write up for our family’s private treasury -but really his actions always spoke loudest throughout our childhood. While Mom held the fort as homemaker, for 25 years Pat had an occupation that has all but disappeared - a milkman for Whiting’s Milk-up by 4:30 A M - 5, 6,and for a time 7 days a week, bounding up stairs two at a time with a carrier full of dairy products doing home delivery or jumping up and down off the back of a loaded truck, pulling and stacking cases and wheeling them into stores ,very hard physical work in every kind of weather. We all got a taste of it , going along as his helper, even Mary. How much milk do you have to sell to pay for 60 plus years of parochial elementary and high school? Pat figured it out and did it. He had a real zest for this work, really enjoyed the sociability and wheeling -dealing of the job- and the union, more on that in a moment. There was such a cast of characters and stories over those years. Like how he showed up for the first delivery at Brigham’s in Wellesley with a co-worker’s jacket with the name “Tom” emblazoned on it The staff greeted him every time over the next ten years as” Tom” even though his own jackets read Pat. They never asked, and he never told .I’d get into the truck after the delivery and say “where to now, Tom?”
Where to? As kids we had some amazing travel adventures, extraordinary for the 1950’s and 1960’s. Mom says Dad was the impetus, very spontaneous preparations and we were on the road, the four boys in the back seat, Mom and Mary in front with Pat driving forever, the car absolutely jam packed with borrowed army blankets and a tent a coleman stove and coolers of food. We camped in Canada and across the USA, had luxurious motel trips to NYC and DC. How many times did he call out the window with a “hiyo” to get directions: how much did these adventures form our future directions and destinations! In later years he enjoyed trips to Greece and Italy (3 times), but most especially that golden spot on Island Pond in NH.
Pat was on the one hand a very private man who lived for his family, but he also took some very public actions. He held various elected positions in Teamsters Local 380 and served as President for eighteen years. Why? He was a true union worker and union leader; he believed in honest organized labor, the movement that brought fair wages, decent working conditions, benefits and a voice for each one based on the unity of everyone. Likewise he was a loyal Democrat because he knew from life experience that despite all its faults it was and always will be the political party that brings the most power and prosperity to the most people ,and the people who need it most. He also saw a need in his neighborhood for youth recreation and for a time directed the Koch Club community basketball league for the kids of Hough's Neck. Pat loved kids of all stages and ages- he was enthralled by the magic of newborns, made merry by the wonder of toddlers...he had great affection for his family by marriage, especially his many nephews and nieces- and we Cotter kids have cherished ,childhood memories of times shared with our uncles, aunts and cousins, especially the Maguires, Ingrahams, Flynns and Wynns.
Favorite saying- “Oh’my God, No!”(or Yes!) We would laugh at his seemingly automatic response, but his faith was measured in deeds all his life - especially with such powerful resolve and respect as when so disabled , he recently attended the funerals of his friend Charlie Dedian and my other beloved father, Bob Roche. He and they were Godly, mighty men!
Favorite song-”Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head” and also opera, Pavoratti, Domingo, Carreras (He was a true supporter of a band called “ Sea Bright” and the lyrical philosophy “a good word, a smile, a helping hand will just make somebody’s day!”)
Favorite Movie- “The Sound of Music” tied with “The Wizard of Oz” (“There’s no place like home!”-and since 1956 we have shared such a special home/neighborhood at 16 Peterson Road,”The Willows”,just at the beginning of Houghs Neck,on Quincy Bay ... we will escort Pat past his beloved home on the road to his final resting place.
FAVORITE people - for “Bumpa’ his seven grandchildren each uniquely and individually cherished...Joe, Pat, Jess, Alisa, Kate, Lisa and Shawn- his special joy and sidekick. Along with Jaye he should be in the “Grandparents Hall of Fame” for most observation/participation in grandchildren’s church/school/sporting events. One of his last outings in April just out of rehab after a fall, was to watch from the Notre Dame High School hillside in his wheelchair as Lisa played catcher on the softball team and Alisa ran by with the track team.
Throughout the last 3 years as his health deteriorated, I’d ask Dad periodically if he wanted to continue with the array of life prolonging meds, tests and treatments. I would say,” It’s your decision. Do you want to continue with all of this, continue to live ?”...“Yes!”, he declared, “Of course I want to live!” “ Why?” I asked gently. “Because I’m a Catholic, and for the family!” Throughout it all there was still some very funny and sweet humor with statements such as when having a diminished voice at times -”Why is it I have a voice like a mouse?” Or when asked to give some assistance- “Help you? - I couldn‘t help an ant! ”. He needed so much help and received it with grace and gratitude. It has been a struggle, especially the past year, made easier by so many caregivers. Our thanks to all the doctors, nurse practitioners, (first and foremost- always there, truly our Family Nurse Practitioner, Cyndy) therapists, technicians and aides who have shared their skill and compassion at HVMA, B& W Hosp, Faulkner Hosp., Boston Dialysis, and finally Old Colony Hospice and Crestview Nursing Home. The constant and best caregiver has been- Jaye - Mom, in Education you were a Master, just shy of a Doctor, but in caring for Pat you have been a Nurse Extraordinaire every day of these past years. You have been so inspiring as you vowed “in times of sickness“, you brought him your healing love. Dad’s life was a gift to you and us ,and what a blessing and gift that you and each of us Mary, Kevin, Rick, Bill and I and our children could surround him with such love and care - body, heart and soul. His children by marriage Tom, Claire Judy and Cyndy have loved him as a second father with truly amazing patience, nurturing and devotion.
On May 17th while Mom, Mary, Cyndy and I visited Dad along with his beloved sister Niddy and brother in law Jimmy, Dad started talking about seeing what he called “two miracles - one was seeing the whole family together. I said to him yes -the first miracle is that he was born and lived- that he joined his life with Mom’s and in love together they made our family. The second miracle I told him is that the love goes on each day, forever. There is a book entitled “Everything I Needed to Know for Life I learned in Kindergarten” - Dad said some very sweet and powerful things over the past weeks -we could say some of the most important things to live a good life we learned from Pat Cotter... among Dad‘s declarations ..”We have to have better memories.. that this life is too short...we should not argue or fight ..a family is a miracle ..to be together is the best thing ...we are so lucky!” Finally Dad asked the most stirring and fundamental question of all , ”What happened to Pat Cotter?” We told him everyday, in every way, always - Pat Cotter? He lived and loved and will always be remembered and loved , until we are together again...
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Bob- Our King of Comedy
Bob Roche- Our King of Comedy- His Legacy of Laughter and Joy
For a time Bob sported the license plate “Royalty” on his car and truly will always be our “King of Comedy”. He was the embodiment of joie de vivre, the joy of living in every aspect of his life and with every individual he encountered. Everyone always came away from a meeting with Bob feeling uplifted, by his contagious humor, warm smile,( always smiling) and twinkling eyes. He did as the poem says “live by the side of the road, being a friend to man”. Bob did not have as the saying goes "a mean bone in his body", lots of sneaky bones, but we’ll get to that later) If someone was obnoxious, crude or insensitive he’d be labeled “bananas” “Cement head “ or “a strange fruit”. Examining his birth certificate you’ll note Bob was actually born while his parents were guests of the US Navy in Panama, specifically - and I’m not making this up in the town of Coco Solo, freely translated “one of a kind nut” In fact when we celebrated his 80th birthday on January 8th making him officially the world’s youngest octogenarian, he reigned supreme sharing the ultimate ‘Nut cake /birthday cake “ created by dear friend Chef Robert Kenney of San Francisco. J Robert Roche also had several aliases from the Upham’s Corner Uptown Club youthful moniker “Bibbits” to “McGuiness”, Grampy Joe’s plumbing apprentice, to “Chesley” as in jokingly “56 fabulous years with Chesley”.
“The Big Bopper” as he dubbed himself was a true music lover from his Coast Guard Lightship serenades with Tony Hernan on guitar to his mellifluous greetings on the phone answering machine at 479-0131 whose tones are the opening to “I love Paris in the Springtime”. Bob favored callers with “Autumn Leaves"," Tip toe Through the Tulips” “Summer Time” and sometimes an accent borrowed from The Pink Panther’s Detective Clousseau. He knew the words to thousands of the great old songs, especially the witty ones like “Caldonia- what makes your big head so hot?” ,”Is You Is Or Is You Ain’t My Baby?", "How'd You Like to Spend Christmas on Christmas Island?” To that “Old English Madrigal” that begins -”There once was a bird", you know what that rhymes with and where it ends up... to the classic “Oh Suzanne Was a Funny Old Sow complete with symphonic snort and feigned flatulence. He loved Dixieland, especially the local Black Eagle Jazz band we heard many times on harbor cruises “Polka dots and Moonbeams” on tuba. Maestro Roche was classically trained and often performed his pianissimo rendition of “The Maiden’s Prayer” to awestruck audiences, scarcely able to believe their ears!
Bob loved the Movies and knew the names of countless classic films and stars. He reveled in imitating the original, histrionic Doctor Frankenstein’s cry .”It’s Alive!", or reenacting the scene from “Mutiny on the Bounty”#
# in which Charles Laughton’s sadistic Captain Bly orders a crew member flogged- Bly-”Inflict the punishment!”...horrified mate-”But Sir, the man’s dead!’ Bly-”nevertheless, inflict the punishment!” Bob would recount unforgettable lines as in “Lovers and Other Strangers on what interests keep a long married, but disparate couple together- “Your mother and I are interested in various types of food”. And the mother’s reply to son Richie’s call for guidance- “Son, happiness will only make you miserable!” Bob enjoyed so many visits to that cinematic showplace the Wollaston Theater on Monday and Tuesday nights of course when the admission is only one dollar, the coffee ten cents -just watch out for those seat springs, ceiling tiles and possible mold allergies!
Ten Shoreside Road a place of magic, mystery and occasional mishap...
Cyndy recalls coming home fro lunch from grammar school and walking into the dining room to see Bob's leg dangling through the ceiling due to a misstep in the attic...
- The time Bob lacerated his thumb trying to cut up a coconut on his trusty table saw- probably the only time that has been attempted in the annals of sawing.
-The famous exploit when he tried to move the workshop refrigerator onto a flood proof platform by himself and one by one frozen foods and juice cans tumbled out of the tipped open freezer shelves onto his hatless, bald head as he could not let go of the fridge or fend them off- and you know how full their freezers always are! “I can’t believe I didn’t get knocked out!", he'd remark. Speaking of comestibles-he and Lois were always the “king and Queenie of Coupons and the Regents of Rebates”- they invented the lifestyle motto-”The max for the minimum”. And other oft repeated words to live by echo unforgetably ...”Next week we’ve got to get organized!”,”But that’s another Story!”,and the guiding daily credo from antiquity-”Carpe Diem!”=“Seize the Day!”
Back to that near knock out,there's the legendary “don’t try this at home ”stunt when on the eve of a long anticipated vacation Bob went out into the darkened family room to adjust the dinner music, plunged down through the open trap door, which then whomped him on the head all 75 pounds of it and pile drove him into the catacomb/cellar. Lois came out from the kitchen, to investigate, calling “Bob, where are you?”-and he answered faintly from below-”I think I’m down here!” Upon extraction and examination, miraculously nothing was broken (“Lucky for me it was my head", he quipped, Just mussed my hair!”) The most recent entry to famous falls was the senior Olympic “Finnegan Flip” at Freddie and Debbie Nigro’s party when Bob, accompanied by family patriarch Uncle Neal somersaulted backwards over a picnic bench without serious harm and Matriarch Aunt Kitty landed on her feet-Okey-Dokey. Let it be known that blood alcohol levels were not a factor in any of the foregoing.
Back to “mussed hair”- who ever got more material and laughter out of so few hairs? Bob explained that he went from a young curly-haired suitor to a follicular-challenged Romeo by “wearing it off on the headboard!” He would frequently caution us not to disturb his “coiff" or make that dramatic gesture as if sweeping a flowing mane back from his forehead, and he would delight himself and us on more formal occasions by sporting Brother Gene’s “Hairloom”.
“Clothes make the Man”- What a wardrobe! and Lois such a valet- Remember for their 50th Anniversary we rented the Scituate beach house and he and Lois descended the stairs, he in the fancy dressing robe from Mimi& Sal Bob announcing- “Lady Golytely and Lord Ashbarrel!” What other 80-year-old guy had diamond earring-So cool -his 50’ ish year old sons -in-law will emulate in tribute. ( And I will wear in my ear the diamond we gave him for his 75th “Diamond Birthday” so every morning on awakening ,every day we share,day and every sweet good night ,Cyndy might see in me a reflection of him...) Who else’s “meet your maker duds” would include a “Cleaner, Greener Quincy T-shirt”?
And hats-what a collection! “Well that’s another story", he'd say- for later...
at the “Custom House” celebration (the old “Fox and Hounds” restaurant where Lois professionally and most graciously waitressed to balance the family income) What parade of hats Bob sported ...like Bartholemew Cubbins with the 500 hats in the Dr.Seuss tale here are just a select few-(this especially for beloved Brothers Jack and Gene here with us from California bring the love of the whole family) starting with his Dad’s Boston Fireman’s helmet #21,from the Upham’s Corner neighborhood firehouse on Columbia Road...he loved and challenged,respected and forgave,but mostly loved his complicated father...and most of all his dear Mother “Maisy” she was as he always said “wonderful” Looking through papers in Bob’s amoire I found a copy of a song I wrote for him as he made his good-bye to her...
Maisy
Maisy while you were sleeping
I kept watch by your side.
Reading the words you gave me
To save me and be my guide...
Light your corner, tend your garden
Do what good you can do.
The world can hold such beauty!
To thine own self be true!
They called me one week later,
to tell me you had gone-
But you’ll never ever leave me -
Wherever I go, there you are.
Light your corner; tend your garden.
Do what good you can do
Maisy,this world is crazy-
But so much better for the love of you!
Hats I have a duffel bag full of them, only a sample - one for every occasion or any theme...the Captain’s cap, a cowboy hat, a hillbilly hat, a painting/fix up the compound hat, a jester’s hat, a hat with antlers (Bob was after all a “horny” guy as Lois will testify, a Red Sox cap (he was the ultimate optimist!), a top hat, a “Big Mac” hat, a colonial tri-corner (always the patriot),a birthday crown... after all he was “Roche Royalty” on and on the hats go for that noble and comic carapace...
As Sal proclaimed in addition to being “the best man I ever knew” Bob Roche was a true jack of all trades. He had to be to keep the family compound together- constantly, ingeniously, often hilariously modifying and improving all manner of things with his plumbing, electrical and carpentry skills. There are countless tools, parts and “what’s that for ?”gizzmos in the workshop collected over the years. “When you’ve got one, you've got none"," Work smarter, not harder”, and “Semper Paratus” harkened back to his Lightship experience as a 21 year old kid running an engine room by on the job trial and error. He recounted how the Captain got a very nasty surprise when he flushed the head and the contents exploded upward, outward, everywhere in the Captain’s quarters because of a pressure valve turned the wrong way from below in the engine room. Bob learned quickly out of necessity. Fast forward to the recent Boston Globe comic strip captured his amazing “Mr. Fix-it “ talent- He was “No leaks Roche", part Rube Goldberg and Gyro Gearloose. Knowing my hardware handicap he’d joke when advising me on how to repair something- “Mike-did you bring your hatchet?” He crafted exquisite, museum quality furniture that adorns Shoreside Road. He even invented his own language at his 40th Anniversary party “Lamisane”...He gifted me with this-the first home satellite dish... Check out this skylight opener-$30 at Home Depot- Bob fashioned this one from an antique bit-brace, piece of pipe and hook- patent pending. Remember his beloved father-in-law Joe notoriously asked as a challenge when Lois became pregnant with Nancy in the very small cottage-”what are you going to do now? You screwed yourself out of the house!” Bob turned a toy storage drawer into a pullout trundle bed (Joe-”What the hell’s that??) Three girls, one room, no problem. And what other home features a “butterfly roof” supported by a carved column in a family room or a “cantilevered pilothouse”? How many times did Bob stoke that original furnace with coal while the girls removed penny apiece buckets of accumulated ash and of all things the “how did those get there? golf balls? How many times did he disassemble or repair the boiler when the “f”word =flood happened? When the heat was finally moved above the tide line and he could tend the wood stove to drive off the winter chill ,could anyone have enjoyed the elemental task and comfort more?
Of course the woodstove wasn’t the only utility he tended- the odiferous task of managing the cesspool (one of Quincy’s last) he’d joke-I’ll be out back, going through the movements”...How many people also have a worm recycling compost farm? Who else but Bob and Lois, the “Ultimate Gardeners” could have transformed a veritable desert landscape into “The Marion and Joe Richards Memorial Park”? As the saying goes" He and she who plant a garden, plant happiness “ -they surely have!
They loved boating and fishing on “Paradise Harbor” Nobody ever got more fun from a 4.9 Evenrude and a 12 foot skiff than Bob or enjoyed fishing more for the awards= first, last, smallest, largest, most, and weirdest fish caught.
Bob and Lois shared wonderful travel adventures- from California or Bust in their Hudson (half way across the continent advised by a mechanic “Turn back-you can’t take your family in that heap-you’ll never make it!”-He was wrong.) Greece and the other cradle of civilization-Panama and a yearlong North American motor home tour 1988-89. Cyndy and I had a happy rendezvous with them outside San Diego and Bob greeted us with these huge sunglasses and crazy hat ( a beanie with a propeller)
Bob has been lovingly dubbed “Father of Manet Community Health Center” in Houghs Neck where it all began in Fall 1979 with Cyndy as the first “Director of Nurse" and Lois as receptionist/den mother par excellence. Years before in the early days of World War II in the Coast Guard Bob and a few other rascals had commandeered some medical regalia and required unsuspecting new arrivals on Gallops Island to undergo some rather unorthodox physical exams-”You men, strip down to your underpants and jump up and down on one foot”...So years later at Manet he volunteered as a “freelance gynecologist”..Along with Red Rielly kept the jokes nonstop at parties (so Father Clancy found an inebriated Paddy O’Rourke alone in church doing the Stations of the Cross backwards...He went up to him and said “Paddy, you're doing them in reverse” to which Paddy replied -”So that’s it - I thought He was looking better and better!”) and Bob joined Frank Sullivan, his comrade in arms for rousing truly spirited renditions of patriotic anthems. Who else but Bob would report on his visits to physician/friend Rolf Knight -”I had great check-up.17 kisses from the lovely Manet ladies.” How fitting the establishment of the “Bob Roche Fun Fund” at Manet Houghs Neck for staff and patients in need of “stat infusion of merriment”( the final decision was a new sign in front of the building which says “donated in memory of Bob Roche” and actually looks like the whole health center has been donated in his name!)
Bob could and did joke about his health (humor the best medicine) He called his HMO “Lost Horizons” instead of Secure Horizons. He wore a T-shirt emblazoned “Tough Old Rooster” during his first round of surgeries because as he proved “Old age is not for sissies.” His first two operations this fall he termed “fusies” and he just wanted the doctor to “put his belly button back in the right place” because it had shifted to the side. Harkening back to his youth Bob would refer to “Eskeys Neurophosophate” the magical health elixir. Talk about nerves of steel- we remember his phone call during the bad storm in ‘92 when he was in the MGH ICU...we had assured him that everything was all right at home and he said" Then how come I’m watching the TV reporters out near the house?” As he said -“You can’t BS a B’ser” Just look at the picture he was “Super Bob ” indeed.
One of his recent jokes Christmas present was a product called “Exercise in a Bottle”. Who else but Bob would retitle the an epic circumnavigation of the world by famed English sailor Sir Francis Chichester -”How to Get Skinny By Drinking” when he saw the author’s dust jacket photo depicting his scrawney form as he showered on deck under sail. Who else would say he was going to the YMCA to exercise and to bring back hot water in a thermos to use at home? Just to get the most from his membership. Unable to walk more than a hundred yards without Charley-horse pain due to claudication he’d ride his bike through the neighborhood maintaining just enough speed to remain upright and scope out the doings of the neighbors and search for treasures in the trash. Oh that bike with the radio/light was appropriately inscribed “The Robin Hood Model” on the chaingaurd. We are thinking of having the bike bronzed....
Bob was as Mimi said a master raconteur- that’s French for story teller, not racketeer.
So many tales (just sketched here) he’d recount and we will cherish always in their vivid details...
Earliest editions of the “Doings of the Van Loons” he called his family of origin stories. -
The famous wise guy neighborhood kid crack to Granpa Roche -”Hey Mr.Roche-what a look she gave you! “Who?" Asked Roche Senior- “Mother Nature”...”Get the hell out of here you little”...
Bob borrowing Jack’s bicycle and how he finally figured out Jack’s secret as to how he knew each time...
The “Minesweeper and depth charging the German submarine while working at the local boatyard”...
Little Gene getting at Bob’s urging getting stuck being the wall while trying to get a sneak peek at the Christmas presents Dad had hidden”...
How Joe Hewes met his future wife Clara (the former Miss Dorchester) while Joe was guarding Grandpa Roche who had been AWOL -the “sauce “ had got him, but only temporarily.
Father Roche’s “The birds .the bees the Vaseline and the Holland Tunnel “ wedding eve advice to Jack and Bob whose reply was -”Oh that’s just beautiful Dad!”
There was so much laughter and love as Bob retold these over the years.
And in the neighborhood there were the classics-”Buck tooth Donovan” and “Deliver the Black Baloney”...
He’d recall Joe Richard’s line about shoveling snow only to be paid with “an apple and a holy card”
And what capers he had with Joe -you know money is really tight when you take tires off dealership cars your father-in-law brings home at lunchtime and you need to siphon gas out of the tank! Bob was of course always loveably larcenous--He knew how to get into the closet at the Captain Lord Mansion in Kennebunkport where the gourmet chocolates were hidden and he had keys to everything- he’d joke about how his sideline rental business was going with the empty cottages and condos where he and Lois had stayed.
Shoreside Road echoes with stories-
The door to door vacuum cleaner salesman who convinced Bob while Lois was out to purchase an expensive machine to save his innocent children from the “germ laden filth festering in their carpets”
Bob would regale us with stories of the tenants of #8 A&B Shoreside.Nana’s “I don’t like the smell of your party remark about a suspicious smoked substance...Tony Serafini who shouted in alarm at fumes pouring into his tiny apartment form some workshop experiment gone wrong -“Fumare- Joe is a trying to a kill me”,and the tenant who awoke to a foot of icy ocean water flooding his room ,who just put on his boots and jacket and waded out of the apartment, out the driveway and never came back ... how about that water meter that used to mysteriously fall of f until just before the reader would arrive to check it...and so many stories and jokes Bob’s famous “hit the paper hit the button, grind the coffee....” What other father, except maybe Joe Richards, would say to his daughter and son-in-law recounting how she lost her wedding ring recovered miraculously when it bounced out of the foot of the bed onto the floor after what Bob would call an anniversary “afternoon delight”-”Kids he said that’s not just a miracle -it’s really a F___ng miracle!
Bob was the genuine miracle! His life what a priceless legacy for Lois, his children, grand-children, family and friends. When answering the funeral director's queries for the obituary “ what clubs and organizations did he belong to? We laughed “The Clean Your Plate Club” and what organizations -He belonged to His Family and to the Family of Man!! Yes, and he was a Party man- the Democratic Party and the Fun Party! We have wonderful last pictures and memories of his 80th on Jan 8th. He said it so many times “Sharing is Loving” and he shared so much happiness with each of us. Every July 4th he’d hilariously announce the fireworks -”Stand back- The grand finale a “Happy Lamp”- he will always light up our lives.
Finally we gave him a medal at Christmas it depicts the Earth with the word “
“Representative “ above it. Bob will always be truly a representative of all that is best and most joyous for this planet and people. He brought joy into every home and heart he entered. He will always be “the one, the only, the extraordinary Bob Roche -Our King of Comedy and Lord of Laughter! Cheers, dearest Bob!
( Leaving Most Blessed Sacrament Church after the Funeral and at the reception celebration in his honor we sang with heartfelt gusto ,as he would want, and could do so well a rousing rendition of “When the Saints Go Marching In”... as the poem goes “It was heaven here with you” and as he surely marched to that world a’waitin’ he’ll greet us with song and laughter one day...)
For a time Bob sported the license plate “Royalty” on his car and truly will always be our “King of Comedy”. He was the embodiment of joie de vivre, the joy of living in every aspect of his life and with every individual he encountered. Everyone always came away from a meeting with Bob feeling uplifted, by his contagious humor, warm smile,( always smiling) and twinkling eyes. He did as the poem says “live by the side of the road, being a friend to man”. Bob did not have as the saying goes "a mean bone in his body", lots of sneaky bones, but we’ll get to that later) If someone was obnoxious, crude or insensitive he’d be labeled “bananas” “Cement head “ or “a strange fruit”. Examining his birth certificate you’ll note Bob was actually born while his parents were guests of the US Navy in Panama, specifically - and I’m not making this up in the town of Coco Solo, freely translated “one of a kind nut” In fact when we celebrated his 80th birthday on January 8th making him officially the world’s youngest octogenarian, he reigned supreme sharing the ultimate ‘Nut cake /birthday cake “ created by dear friend Chef Robert Kenney of San Francisco. J Robert Roche also had several aliases from the Upham’s Corner Uptown Club youthful moniker “Bibbits” to “McGuiness”, Grampy Joe’s plumbing apprentice, to “Chesley” as in jokingly “56 fabulous years with Chesley”.
“The Big Bopper” as he dubbed himself was a true music lover from his Coast Guard Lightship serenades with Tony Hernan on guitar to his mellifluous greetings on the phone answering machine at 479-0131 whose tones are the opening to “I love Paris in the Springtime”. Bob favored callers with “Autumn Leaves"," Tip toe Through the Tulips” “Summer Time” and sometimes an accent borrowed from The Pink Panther’s Detective Clousseau. He knew the words to thousands of the great old songs, especially the witty ones like “Caldonia- what makes your big head so hot?” ,”Is You Is Or Is You Ain’t My Baby?", "How'd You Like to Spend Christmas on Christmas Island?” To that “Old English Madrigal” that begins -”There once was a bird", you know what that rhymes with and where it ends up... to the classic “Oh Suzanne Was a Funny Old Sow complete with symphonic snort and feigned flatulence. He loved Dixieland, especially the local Black Eagle Jazz band we heard many times on harbor cruises “Polka dots and Moonbeams” on tuba. Maestro Roche was classically trained and often performed his pianissimo rendition of “The Maiden’s Prayer” to awestruck audiences, scarcely able to believe their ears!
Bob loved the Movies and knew the names of countless classic films and stars. He reveled in imitating the original, histrionic Doctor Frankenstein’s cry .”It’s Alive!", or reenacting the scene from “Mutiny on the Bounty”#
# in which Charles Laughton’s sadistic Captain Bly orders a crew member flogged- Bly-”Inflict the punishment!”...horrified mate-”But Sir, the man’s dead!’ Bly-”nevertheless, inflict the punishment!” Bob would recount unforgettable lines as in “Lovers and Other Strangers on what interests keep a long married, but disparate couple together- “Your mother and I are interested in various types of food”. And the mother’s reply to son Richie’s call for guidance- “Son, happiness will only make you miserable!” Bob enjoyed so many visits to that cinematic showplace the Wollaston Theater on Monday and Tuesday nights of course when the admission is only one dollar, the coffee ten cents -just watch out for those seat springs, ceiling tiles and possible mold allergies!
Ten Shoreside Road a place of magic, mystery and occasional mishap...
Cyndy recalls coming home fro lunch from grammar school and walking into the dining room to see Bob's leg dangling through the ceiling due to a misstep in the attic...
- The time Bob lacerated his thumb trying to cut up a coconut on his trusty table saw- probably the only time that has been attempted in the annals of sawing.
-The famous exploit when he tried to move the workshop refrigerator onto a flood proof platform by himself and one by one frozen foods and juice cans tumbled out of the tipped open freezer shelves onto his hatless, bald head as he could not let go of the fridge or fend them off- and you know how full their freezers always are! “I can’t believe I didn’t get knocked out!", he'd remark. Speaking of comestibles-he and Lois were always the “king and Queenie of Coupons and the Regents of Rebates”- they invented the lifestyle motto-”The max for the minimum”. And other oft repeated words to live by echo unforgetably ...”Next week we’ve got to get organized!”,”But that’s another Story!”,and the guiding daily credo from antiquity-”Carpe Diem!”=“Seize the Day!”
Back to that near knock out,there's the legendary “don’t try this at home ”stunt when on the eve of a long anticipated vacation Bob went out into the darkened family room to adjust the dinner music, plunged down through the open trap door, which then whomped him on the head all 75 pounds of it and pile drove him into the catacomb/cellar. Lois came out from the kitchen, to investigate, calling “Bob, where are you?”-and he answered faintly from below-”I think I’m down here!” Upon extraction and examination, miraculously nothing was broken (“Lucky for me it was my head", he quipped, Just mussed my hair!”) The most recent entry to famous falls was the senior Olympic “Finnegan Flip” at Freddie and Debbie Nigro’s party when Bob, accompanied by family patriarch Uncle Neal somersaulted backwards over a picnic bench without serious harm and Matriarch Aunt Kitty landed on her feet-Okey-Dokey. Let it be known that blood alcohol levels were not a factor in any of the foregoing.
Back to “mussed hair”- who ever got more material and laughter out of so few hairs? Bob explained that he went from a young curly-haired suitor to a follicular-challenged Romeo by “wearing it off on the headboard!” He would frequently caution us not to disturb his “coiff" or make that dramatic gesture as if sweeping a flowing mane back from his forehead, and he would delight himself and us on more formal occasions by sporting Brother Gene’s “Hairloom”.
“Clothes make the Man”- What a wardrobe! and Lois such a valet- Remember for their 50th Anniversary we rented the Scituate beach house and he and Lois descended the stairs, he in the fancy dressing robe from Mimi& Sal Bob announcing- “Lady Golytely and Lord Ashbarrel!” What other 80-year-old guy had diamond earring-So cool -his 50’ ish year old sons -in-law will emulate in tribute. ( And I will wear in my ear the diamond we gave him for his 75th “Diamond Birthday” so every morning on awakening ,every day we share,day and every sweet good night ,Cyndy might see in me a reflection of him...) Who else’s “meet your maker duds” would include a “Cleaner, Greener Quincy T-shirt”?
And hats-what a collection! “Well that’s another story", he'd say- for later...
at the “Custom House” celebration (the old “Fox and Hounds” restaurant where Lois professionally and most graciously waitressed to balance the family income) What parade of hats Bob sported ...like Bartholemew Cubbins with the 500 hats in the Dr.Seuss tale here are just a select few-(this especially for beloved Brothers Jack and Gene here with us from California bring the love of the whole family) starting with his Dad’s Boston Fireman’s helmet #21,from the Upham’s Corner neighborhood firehouse on Columbia Road...he loved and challenged,respected and forgave,but mostly loved his complicated father...and most of all his dear Mother “Maisy” she was as he always said “wonderful” Looking through papers in Bob’s amoire I found a copy of a song I wrote for him as he made his good-bye to her...
Maisy
Maisy while you were sleeping
I kept watch by your side.
Reading the words you gave me
To save me and be my guide...
Light your corner, tend your garden
Do what good you can do.
The world can hold such beauty!
To thine own self be true!
They called me one week later,
to tell me you had gone-
But you’ll never ever leave me -
Wherever I go, there you are.
Light your corner; tend your garden.
Do what good you can do
Maisy,this world is crazy-
But so much better for the love of you!
Hats I have a duffel bag full of them, only a sample - one for every occasion or any theme...the Captain’s cap, a cowboy hat, a hillbilly hat, a painting/fix up the compound hat, a jester’s hat, a hat with antlers (Bob was after all a “horny” guy as Lois will testify, a Red Sox cap (he was the ultimate optimist!), a top hat, a “Big Mac” hat, a colonial tri-corner (always the patriot),a birthday crown... after all he was “Roche Royalty” on and on the hats go for that noble and comic carapace...
As Sal proclaimed in addition to being “the best man I ever knew” Bob Roche was a true jack of all trades. He had to be to keep the family compound together- constantly, ingeniously, often hilariously modifying and improving all manner of things with his plumbing, electrical and carpentry skills. There are countless tools, parts and “what’s that for ?”gizzmos in the workshop collected over the years. “When you’ve got one, you've got none"," Work smarter, not harder”, and “Semper Paratus” harkened back to his Lightship experience as a 21 year old kid running an engine room by on the job trial and error. He recounted how the Captain got a very nasty surprise when he flushed the head and the contents exploded upward, outward, everywhere in the Captain’s quarters because of a pressure valve turned the wrong way from below in the engine room. Bob learned quickly out of necessity. Fast forward to the recent Boston Globe comic strip captured his amazing “Mr. Fix-it “ talent- He was “No leaks Roche", part Rube Goldberg and Gyro Gearloose. Knowing my hardware handicap he’d joke when advising me on how to repair something- “Mike-did you bring your hatchet?” He crafted exquisite, museum quality furniture that adorns Shoreside Road. He even invented his own language at his 40th Anniversary party “Lamisane”...He gifted me with this-the first home satellite dish... Check out this skylight opener-$30 at Home Depot- Bob fashioned this one from an antique bit-brace, piece of pipe and hook- patent pending. Remember his beloved father-in-law Joe notoriously asked as a challenge when Lois became pregnant with Nancy in the very small cottage-”what are you going to do now? You screwed yourself out of the house!” Bob turned a toy storage drawer into a pullout trundle bed (Joe-”What the hell’s that??) Three girls, one room, no problem. And what other home features a “butterfly roof” supported by a carved column in a family room or a “cantilevered pilothouse”? How many times did Bob stoke that original furnace with coal while the girls removed penny apiece buckets of accumulated ash and of all things the “how did those get there? golf balls? How many times did he disassemble or repair the boiler when the “f”word =flood happened? When the heat was finally moved above the tide line and he could tend the wood stove to drive off the winter chill ,could anyone have enjoyed the elemental task and comfort more?
Of course the woodstove wasn’t the only utility he tended- the odiferous task of managing the cesspool (one of Quincy’s last) he’d joke-I’ll be out back, going through the movements”...How many people also have a worm recycling compost farm? Who else but Bob and Lois, the “Ultimate Gardeners” could have transformed a veritable desert landscape into “The Marion and Joe Richards Memorial Park”? As the saying goes" He and she who plant a garden, plant happiness “ -they surely have!
They loved boating and fishing on “Paradise Harbor” Nobody ever got more fun from a 4.9 Evenrude and a 12 foot skiff than Bob or enjoyed fishing more for the awards= first, last, smallest, largest, most, and weirdest fish caught.
Bob and Lois shared wonderful travel adventures- from California or Bust in their Hudson (half way across the continent advised by a mechanic “Turn back-you can’t take your family in that heap-you’ll never make it!”-He was wrong.) Greece and the other cradle of civilization-Panama and a yearlong North American motor home tour 1988-89. Cyndy and I had a happy rendezvous with them outside San Diego and Bob greeted us with these huge sunglasses and crazy hat ( a beanie with a propeller)
Bob has been lovingly dubbed “Father of Manet Community Health Center” in Houghs Neck where it all began in Fall 1979 with Cyndy as the first “Director of Nurse" and Lois as receptionist/den mother par excellence. Years before in the early days of World War II in the Coast Guard Bob and a few other rascals had commandeered some medical regalia and required unsuspecting new arrivals on Gallops Island to undergo some rather unorthodox physical exams-”You men, strip down to your underpants and jump up and down on one foot”...So years later at Manet he volunteered as a “freelance gynecologist”..Along with Red Rielly kept the jokes nonstop at parties (so Father Clancy found an inebriated Paddy O’Rourke alone in church doing the Stations of the Cross backwards...He went up to him and said “Paddy, you're doing them in reverse” to which Paddy replied -”So that’s it - I thought He was looking better and better!”) and Bob joined Frank Sullivan, his comrade in arms for rousing truly spirited renditions of patriotic anthems. Who else but Bob would report on his visits to physician/friend Rolf Knight -”I had great check-up.17 kisses from the lovely Manet ladies.” How fitting the establishment of the “Bob Roche Fun Fund” at Manet Houghs Neck for staff and patients in need of “stat infusion of merriment”( the final decision was a new sign in front of the building which says “donated in memory of Bob Roche” and actually looks like the whole health center has been donated in his name!)
Bob could and did joke about his health (humor the best medicine) He called his HMO “Lost Horizons” instead of Secure Horizons. He wore a T-shirt emblazoned “Tough Old Rooster” during his first round of surgeries because as he proved “Old age is not for sissies.” His first two operations this fall he termed “fusies” and he just wanted the doctor to “put his belly button back in the right place” because it had shifted to the side. Harkening back to his youth Bob would refer to “Eskeys Neurophosophate” the magical health elixir. Talk about nerves of steel- we remember his phone call during the bad storm in ‘92 when he was in the MGH ICU...we had assured him that everything was all right at home and he said" Then how come I’m watching the TV reporters out near the house?” As he said -“You can’t BS a B’ser” Just look at the picture he was “Super Bob ” indeed.
One of his recent jokes Christmas present was a product called “Exercise in a Bottle”. Who else but Bob would retitle the an epic circumnavigation of the world by famed English sailor Sir Francis Chichester -”How to Get Skinny By Drinking” when he saw the author’s dust jacket photo depicting his scrawney form as he showered on deck under sail. Who else would say he was going to the YMCA to exercise and to bring back hot water in a thermos to use at home? Just to get the most from his membership. Unable to walk more than a hundred yards without Charley-horse pain due to claudication he’d ride his bike through the neighborhood maintaining just enough speed to remain upright and scope out the doings of the neighbors and search for treasures in the trash. Oh that bike with the radio/light was appropriately inscribed “The Robin Hood Model” on the chaingaurd. We are thinking of having the bike bronzed....
Bob was as Mimi said a master raconteur- that’s French for story teller, not racketeer.
So many tales (just sketched here) he’d recount and we will cherish always in their vivid details...
Earliest editions of the “Doings of the Van Loons” he called his family of origin stories. -
The famous wise guy neighborhood kid crack to Granpa Roche -”Hey Mr.Roche-what a look she gave you! “Who?" Asked Roche Senior- “Mother Nature”...”Get the hell out of here you little”...
Bob borrowing Jack’s bicycle and how he finally figured out Jack’s secret as to how he knew each time...
The “Minesweeper and depth charging the German submarine while working at the local boatyard”...
Little Gene getting at Bob’s urging getting stuck being the wall while trying to get a sneak peek at the Christmas presents Dad had hidden”...
How Joe Hewes met his future wife Clara (the former Miss Dorchester) while Joe was guarding Grandpa Roche who had been AWOL -the “sauce “ had got him, but only temporarily.
Father Roche’s “The birds .the bees the Vaseline and the Holland Tunnel “ wedding eve advice to Jack and Bob whose reply was -”Oh that’s just beautiful Dad!”
There was so much laughter and love as Bob retold these over the years.
And in the neighborhood there were the classics-”Buck tooth Donovan” and “Deliver the Black Baloney”...
He’d recall Joe Richard’s line about shoveling snow only to be paid with “an apple and a holy card”
And what capers he had with Joe -you know money is really tight when you take tires off dealership cars your father-in-law brings home at lunchtime and you need to siphon gas out of the tank! Bob was of course always loveably larcenous--He knew how to get into the closet at the Captain Lord Mansion in Kennebunkport where the gourmet chocolates were hidden and he had keys to everything- he’d joke about how his sideline rental business was going with the empty cottages and condos where he and Lois had stayed.
Shoreside Road echoes with stories-
The door to door vacuum cleaner salesman who convinced Bob while Lois was out to purchase an expensive machine to save his innocent children from the “germ laden filth festering in their carpets”
Bob would regale us with stories of the tenants of #8 A&B Shoreside.Nana’s “I don’t like the smell of your party remark about a suspicious smoked substance...Tony Serafini who shouted in alarm at fumes pouring into his tiny apartment form some workshop experiment gone wrong -“Fumare- Joe is a trying to a kill me”,and the tenant who awoke to a foot of icy ocean water flooding his room ,who just put on his boots and jacket and waded out of the apartment, out the driveway and never came back ... how about that water meter that used to mysteriously fall of f until just before the reader would arrive to check it...and so many stories and jokes Bob’s famous “hit the paper hit the button, grind the coffee....” What other father, except maybe Joe Richards, would say to his daughter and son-in-law recounting how she lost her wedding ring recovered miraculously when it bounced out of the foot of the bed onto the floor after what Bob would call an anniversary “afternoon delight”-”Kids he said that’s not just a miracle -it’s really a F___ng miracle!
Bob was the genuine miracle! His life what a priceless legacy for Lois, his children, grand-children, family and friends. When answering the funeral director's queries for the obituary “ what clubs and organizations did he belong to? We laughed “The Clean Your Plate Club” and what organizations -He belonged to His Family and to the Family of Man!! Yes, and he was a Party man- the Democratic Party and the Fun Party! We have wonderful last pictures and memories of his 80th on Jan 8th. He said it so many times “Sharing is Loving” and he shared so much happiness with each of us. Every July 4th he’d hilariously announce the fireworks -”Stand back- The grand finale a “Happy Lamp”- he will always light up our lives.
Finally we gave him a medal at Christmas it depicts the Earth with the word “
“Representative “ above it. Bob will always be truly a representative of all that is best and most joyous for this planet and people. He brought joy into every home and heart he entered. He will always be “the one, the only, the extraordinary Bob Roche -Our King of Comedy and Lord of Laughter! Cheers, dearest Bob!
( Leaving Most Blessed Sacrament Church after the Funeral and at the reception celebration in his honor we sang with heartfelt gusto ,as he would want, and could do so well a rousing rendition of “When the Saints Go Marching In”... as the poem goes “It was heaven here with you” and as he surely marched to that world a’waitin’ he’ll greet us with song and laughter one day...)
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