Our Best Friend Dennis

Celebrating Dennis, Our Beloved Best Friend - June16,2007

Cyndy and I began to write this on the plane homeward bound on June 2nd,but we began to live it 25 years ago.
Brenda&Dennis & Cyndy&Mike that’s how it’s been for 25 wonderful years, since Brenda and Cyndy became instant personal and professional partners that first day of the Nurse Practitioner program at Northeastern in 1981. Dennis and I met soon after and it’s really been love and laughter ever since, just a magical, unique four-way true friendship. There is a picture on Dennis’ bedside table of the 4 of us at Logan Airport on our way to or from one of our shared adventures. What a joyous and precious journey we have shared. Sometime before we met, I had written a song called “Friends Upon the Road” with the lyrics “wonders come and wonders go – it’s a real life magic show” –our journey together truly was. Early on Dennis would sum up each experience-“That was most enjoyable!”- and it was!!!! There are hundreds of “you had to be there to understand” moments, and we were there…but we can share some highlights.


England And Wales- After a week of touring historical, culinary and sheep farm pursuits (special for Brenda) we decided to keep the car and have a leisurely drive to the airport. Giving ourselves adequate time, we got lost and stopped to get directions several times only to get totally lost again. Finally, we saw a police station- Dennis ran in and moments later ran out. The officer in charge at the desk told Dennis ,”the English are notorious for giving bad directions - only get directions from “uniformed personnel! ” So Dennis declared, “We’re all set now – (I was driving) . ..take a left, a right and a left” -and we drove right into a dead end stone wall!! We finally found a sign for the correct route, and with clock ticking Dennis would declare- “You have no more chances to get lost and it’s time for sidewalk driving!” We were laughing hysterically (a couple alone might have been very anxiously arguing. ) This was before cell phones; travel arrangements were much less flexible. If we missed the flight, we could not get another for a week, have to pay for another , would miss work which we could not afford- this was tense! Getting down to the wire we got to the car rental, explained our predicament to the manager, an attendant drove us 100mph (really!) to the adjacent airline terminal …we jumped out with our bags and ran as fast as we could to the gate with only moments to spare… and our flight had been delayed for 3 hours!!!! We were huffing and puffing and laughing- and ready for many more trips!

The Bike Trip to Portugal –definitely our most memorable and most quoted exploit for the degree of difficulty/teamwork/enjoyment ratio. Great people, scenery and food, but Portugal is definitely not a bicycling country. We only saw 4 other bikes in the first week; we brought 4 ourselves so that equaled 8 in Lisbon, a city of 4 million people! We chanced upon a wonderful and empathetic travel guide named Joao Carmona so helpful with our questions- “Can you get there by bike?” Answer- “It was hell on a motorcycle!” Or “They put a man on the moon!” One Portuguese doctor we conversed with , finding out we were riding our bikes in Lisbon – which is just like riding through Manhattan at rush hour commented- “Biking in Lisbon is for the crazies!” The four of us in various combinations tackled every problem with common sense, laughter and teamwork and looked back constantly at this as one of our best trips.

Italy- It was August ,“Il inferno”, but we had amazing food and wine in an outdoor restaurant in Castle Gandolfo, the Pope’s summer residence . Dennis kept asking, “I wonder if the Pope will show up, and what will he order?” We bought picnic food across from the Colisseum and marveled that the building had been standing for 20 lifetimes…a lesson on our individual place in time.

We Chartered a sailboat in the Virgin Islands with Capt Karen – so beautiful and relaxing , crystal water and fabulous snorkeling …schools of fish so plentiful and fanciful we could hear each other laughing underwater in astonishment.

The Switzerland Bike Trip- this time in luxury …inn to inn around the Lake with a van to haul our packs. Then we drove up through Germany to Amsterdam and met our friend Bob for the magnificent Ver Meer exhibit.

The California Coast RV trip- with Mimi and Sal …descending the Nasciemento Pass to our favorite Kirk Creek camp ground on Big Sur ,where the mountains meet the Pacific …Exquisite natural beauty! …Also on that trip another kind of beauty –supposedly. We checked out the much touted hot mud baths in Calistoga…the “mud attendant “ went on and on about the “therapeutic value of purging out the body’s toxins in the healing mud”. Dennis looking on incredulously asked, “How do you get the last persons toxins out of the mud before I get in?…How do you clean mud?” And the “mud attendant” warned, “Just be careful not to touch the bottom; you might get burned.” The four of us looking at the tub of bubbling , filthy mud in a barn like shed ,with hoses coming in and out of it …and it’s only $75 each…We whispered to each other- “ I don’t think so! – this is too much like a real pig pen!” We backed out of the shed , jumped in our car laughing so hard we had to pull off the road!

The Condo Years- Dennis bought in to this investment in North Conway without even seeing it- that’s how much he trusted us. Turns out the name of the builder’s company was “Dirt Cheap Productions”! We had a few issues lets say, but Brenda and Dennis got on the condo board and the problems got worked through. Dennis was our “tenants in common” treasurer and every month he‘d have Brenda leave a message on our answering machine- “The figure for the month is…” We stated in our rental ad “Mount Washington will be yours” and Mount Washington Valley was truly ours with countless adventures including biking encounters with a moose one day and a bear the next! We had 16 years of perfect partnership , never a disagreement, and so much fun! You can take that to the Better Business Bureau as a model.

Music – We are honorary soul sisters and brothers so of course we were disciples of James Brown and his catalogue of master works: For Motivation- “Get Up Offa That Thing”, For Inpiration- “Goodness Sakes –Look at Those Cakes!” For Education- “Papa Don’t Take No Mess”. And for Elation, of course- “I Feel Good!”


We were also appreciators and imitators of Sammie Davis Jr, saying frequently in Sammie tones- “You’re a Beautiful Man, Man” and “Don’t ever Change!”


Laughter- we’d match mental libraries for pop cultural trivial pursuit – One time Cyndy and Dennis had an impossible mind meld with Pictionary, famous singers category. Brenda and I just shook our heads as Cyndy drew a circle and Dennis came up with “Al Jolson”…Dennis and I could go on and on about 3 Stooges episodes and sayings ,candy bar and snack food commercials, old TV shows and Oldies but Goodies songs and lyrics.
A unique laugh was The “Baby Me” Episode. There was an ad in Parade Magazine- “send in your newborn or toddlers picture and we will superimpose it on an adorable doll for the cherished memory of a lifetime”. But they never saw anything like this in Parade- Dennis’ 40 year old face, complete with those big glasses and moustache! When our Joe went to pick it up at Osco the photo dept worker looked askance at him wondering what was up, and when it was presented to Dennis to celebrate his birthday the response was “WOW”- that is WOW !” Dennis laughing said- “Don’t you ever let my mother see this!”


Dennis and Gifts- and wrapping – He was a connoisseur! He could give, and receive and could he ever bask in the glow of a well wrapped gift!- What a gift he himself was.
And a POET- as he wrote a lovely, treasured poem for our 30th Wedding Anniversary in 1999 with references to The Beatles’ “All You Need is Love” , and “Shower the People You Love with Love” by James Taylor.

Fitness- Having achieved distinction in the “All You Can Eat Olympics” many years running, while in Quincy he went on a very disciplined regime of diet and exercise and lost considerable weight…He would often jokingly ask- “When you lose weight –where does it go? And will it find you again?” Now, that guy could cook and eat but the weight never did find him again. He was justifiably proud of his times in road races like Falmouth, various bike fundraisers like the Diabetes Ride to P-Town. He could sweat for a good cause, and ask only for a hot shower afterwards.

Wise Counsel- When our Joe, now almost 37 and also one of Dennis’ friends since the age of 12 (Dennis befriended all of our kids and likewise) ,well when Joe was being a wild teen, and we were worried , Dennis would say, ”He’s a great kid; he’ll get over it and you will get through it. He’ll be fine. Hey when I was a Senior in High School my friends and I used to make crank calls to get the school shut down to get out of class, all kinds of wild stuff, and I turned out OK- didn’t I? Well didn’t I??”


Talk- As the announcement proclaimed Dennis “could talk to a statue”. He had a genuine gift of gab. In Italy after a rigorous and very full day of exploring we met some folks by the swimming pool. Too tired for more banter the rest of us headed for bed and left Dennis, wine glass in hand chatting away ,and we laughed that he’d probably still be talking to them when the sun came up – and we were not even sure they spoke English! He had a genuine , seemingly inexhaustible interest in others , the details and concerns of their lives.

Dennis and Work- He was carpenter- - With pride he would say, “ I helped build that house where those people live and make a home” He helped with our beach stairs and Joe and Chris’s home.) Whether carpentry, sales or computers he was exact, skillful and conscientious. I just came across a paper I did in nursing school for a computer course in 1990 “DMc –Computer Management Services.” My conclusion- “If you have a problem with you PC ,call DMc ,and he’ll probably be your best friend too!”
Priorities- for Dennis it was up early, very early like 4:30AM, to get to State Street start at 7AM work through lunch and get home to Brenda as soon and as much as possible.
Y2K- He worked extra for travel and fine wine , gourmet dining and party money. On December 31, 1999 a special gathering of family and friends overlooking Onset Bay counted down from the 20th to the 21st century , a bit nervous and apprehensive. Would all the computers fail and then the world we have built upon them? Dennis assured us – “I worked out all the computer bugs- and besides I have to spend that extra money! He was right; the world went on, and we had a lesson to be ever hopeful for the future.
And speaking of Onset- “The Love Shack” - the world’s best and only bed and breakfast trailer! 4 years there and 7 on Saltmarsh Lane- with such an amazing array of friends they gathered around and who gather today. What an example of truly belonging to a community, all too rare and so needed today.

Dennis was both a “Ladies Man “ and a “Man’s Man” and sometimes when it came to dirt and insects, a little bit of a “Girlie Man” – but always he was a real man, a complete man.

Book Club Men’s Auxiliary- For over 16 years Brenda and her circle of reading sisters , the “Book Bags”, have been meeting monthly. Most of them are here- Cyndy, Mimi, Bev, Ann, -Marge is in spirit. With Dennis we formed the Men’s Auxiliary- Sal, Gerry and sometimes Tom. Too lazy to read a book monthly , we’d go to some “guy’s testosterone powered ,action adventure ,explosion, and special effects over the top blockbuster” which the more literate and sensible woman would never want to see. After coming out of yet another such waste of time and money film, we decided like the “new age sensitive males” we really were, to just go out and share a meal and talk, hardly ever about sports, mostly about family ,world events and all too often the political misadventures of our misleaders- concluding always grateful for our portion of the good, peaceful and free life. At the end of the meal we’d always hand the bill to Dennis who, taking off his glasses and no matter how much he had to squint to read the bill, he figured it out fair and square and generous to the server.

Devotion to family and friends- …to Jean his Mom; he promised his Dad who died at age 56 , he would care for her and has so well with Brenda’ support and expertise.
At State Street , he cared so tenderly for his young friend Corkie and grieved his premature death so profoundly with a resolve to live ever more fully. What an example for all of us.
Dennis was always there to comfort us in our sorrows.

Mostly it has been joy! So many of us were there at Brenda and Dennis’ Wedding in Hummarock, June 14th 1986, 21years ago…that sweet ceremony on the beach house porch and an “Alleluia Chorus “ to begin the reception celebration. Their theme from the Harry Chapin song- “Yes I let time go lightly with you ,and a fire and a friend or two, a friend or two and you.” And it’s been that way ever since.

It seemed that with every trip or experience a catch phrase, often hilarious, would emerge and the last time we were together in Province Town it was, “You Know You Want To!” That’s a friendly reminder to us to do what matters most in our hearts and spirits. Don’t postpone joys or dreams; Dennis and Brenda never did.

Life Philosophy- We had many discussions about living life to the fullest, because we do not know exactly what happens after life, only what happens before. The most important question is not ” Is there life after death, but “is there life before death” and what kind of life? From the news we would discuss so many instances of man’s inhumanity or irrationality. It makes one question the “all mighty, all knowing Oz/ or whoever is behind the curtain.” Our answer ,with respect for everyone’s beliefs, is simple- to live each day grateful, helpful, joyful and loving. We shared the essential values, to live a life of peace and compassion for our planet and its people.

Brenda- as Dennis would often say ,she is the most generous, caring and loving person; she has done so much for so many in times of suffering and loss, the ultimate practitioner of nursing and healing. She has already been reaching out to comfort us, her family and friends. We can’t “get over this”, but we can live through it together. We used to joke about a scene in the documentary “Monterrey Pop” about that 1967 musical festival. Stephen Still is all decked out in a bizarre fur vest and bell bottomed groovy regalia, reacting to some between song confrontation, he shouts out, “ I tried to love him out of it ,man!” We’d laughingly quote that line in times of stress and strain. We can hear Dennis encourage us now saying, ”You’ll love your way out of this too!”

Brenda& Dennis and Cyndy &I were last together May 24th at their lovely home, toured their bountiful and well tended gardens, shared Thai food, nice wine, the (our) political satire of John Stewart and The Colbert Report, laughing together as always. Dennis sent us off with a bottle of champagne, some of Debby’s tuna from Oman, hugs and kisses and I love you’s all around. We hoisted ourselves up into Joe’s truck. As we pulled away Dennis waved goodbye with that endearing , whimsical smile of his, he waved and he turned to walk back inside with Brenda. And we waved as we set off for home…





Again from Dennis’ favorite , Harry Chapin-
“All my life’s a circle;
But I can’t tell you why;
Seasons spinning round again;
The years keep rolling by.

As I find you here again;
A thought runs through my mind:
Our love is like a circle
Let’s go round one more time.”

We will always be encircled by the laughter and love Dennis shared with us.

Dennis- You will always be a beautiful man, man.
Your spirit will never change.
We will always be together, the 4 of us, all of us.
And “Like a dream without an end,
We will someday meet again,
Best Friends Upon the Road”…